Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 8:39 pm
May I ask for Ilona's guidance, please?
Liberation Unleashed Forum The Gate
Code: Select all
Where are you at?
I am looking for truth. I see no sense in deceiving myself. I see the illusion of I like frictional resistance to life, a useless waste of energy. I remember the time in my life when I desperately wanted to be different then others to be someone at all but now I see the grace and relaxation in beeing no one certain. I am looking for a relief of this mental, emotional and bodily tenseness into no sufferer.What are you looking for?
I am not sure. It can be a gentle shift as I feel really well prepared mentally and psychologically and seeing no honey in the I-Illussion any more. I expect there to be an intimicy of experience in the sense of no gap. It might be accompanied by intensified feeling as my access to feelings could be more free and my body more open. I expect a relief as resistance dissolves and am prepared for not only pleasant things to be felt through. The idea of an earlier spiritual path of mine was to expand identity step by step to universal consciousness and this was helpful for psychological improvement but looks endless. Identifying the non-existence of any self-identity at all is now past-due as short cut - what a beauty and perfection that the search ends with the dissolution of the searcher, the moth is ready for the flame.What do I expect to happen?
there is no gap between experienced and experiencer, as one can not be without the other, it is THE SAME. it can be called experiencing. look now. feel the bum on your seat. feel that sensation, observe what is happening there, feet on the floor back resting ( or whatever is happening). is there a gap between sensation and sens-er? where is that senser in actuality? is it here without thought, memory, image? the sensation is here. sensing is happening, are you doing any of it? is it something that you are in control off? is it something you can switch off?In magic moments like the one I saw your reaction there may be a notion that there is really no gap between the experienced and an experiencer
I admit I have a hard time with such exercises and I really tried, but I am not sure if its real experience or imagination from the lots I have learned from Non-Duality, Direct Pointing and the Direct Path.find the sense of aliveness, awareness, knowing, rest in that for a minute.
where is a gap? what is separate from what?
Yes, I recently started to direct my attention to perceiving what is here now instead of drifting away with the inner movie when I notice suffering from it. And it works to some degree, but is like a meditating effort looking for silence.it is only a matter of noticing what is here now. end of hallucination. here now.
Being is, but not effortless, as this illusion of I has a tense taste.notice what is happening right this moment, do you need to do anything in order to be?
The very attempt to stop being reveals as intense being itself.Can you stop being? Please try. Just stop being for 3 seconds.
There is this relatively stable body mind pattern with its longlasting tensions always around me and indeed as a matter of pragmatism I label it I and assume that also the view into the world that this seeming I has will vanish together with the body mind some time. But in fact the experience does not mean that there is really a separate entity surfing through life. Identification is so easy towards things steadily around me and even watching a movie can easily suck me in to live with one of the figures - isn't it the feelings that are the glue for that phenomenon? Feelings are pervading the whole space also out of my body so it seems and therefore can take in even more into identification than the body alone.Can you see that you put a label on contraction and call it something it is not?
The clearest seeing is with relaxation, with the attitude that seeing is pervading me and not me reaching out to see. An effort does not bring it any closer or clearer but confirms a separation, an object there and a tension here. In relaxed view in some sense the screen corner is half a meter away but at the same time as close as my eyelids though there is not full trust in this yet.look at that corner with a lot of tension, does that help to see it clearer?
Turning my attention to sensing delivers a local cloud of body sensations. Though sensing is continuous in space like also seeing is, there are shapes but not so clear cut as in vision. So I could say there is always a local sensing cloud around me which I call body sensations. It is separate in the sense that there is a far less dense sensing outside the cloud, that is why I call it a sense shape. I attribute the I to the sense cloud but I could also attribute it to the non-cloud, as both is appearing in a continuum of presence. And when "I" would be defined as something that always remains the same this presence would be a good candidate for it. But also the body appearance is pretty stable. I have a hard time following the Neti-Neti approach which assumes that everything experienced cannot be the I as the I is the experiencer. Following this logically leads to the idea, that there is no I in experience because as soon as it is experienced it violates this definition of the I. This in the end means either there really is an I that cannot be experienced but therefore it is also irrelevant for practical life as life is experiencing only. Or the I is experience itself which experiences itself. In the end both means there is only experiencing relevant. But the very fact that I have to define an I to explore it shows that it is an idea. Also stating I am the presence in which everything happens assumes a duality. Or experiencing experiencing itself sounds like unity but is also dual, because their cannot be one without more than one. This would mean, that the whole idea of I must be fake. But can this really be directly experienced beyond the mind?can you find a sense of separation in experience? which sensation is that?
what is that sensation separate from? is that sensation you?
There is no me, that is at the centre of sensations. It's an assumption that there must be one and because it was never questioned, it is assumed to be there.So I could say there is always a local sensing cloud around me which I call body sensations
Feel the bum on the seat and find the 'me' that is sensing the sensation.
there is no who! that's the illusion that mind created, that there must be a who. but as you see in actuality, there are sensations and there is no separation, all that is happening is known here now. does there need to be a who? is there a subject if you don't think about it?But who is the cone of light who seems sometimes have to focus to experience something specific?
When sitting with closed eyes the sensation from the bum on the chair is accompanied by an inner hologram which locates the sensation in a virtual body that has its center in the throat. This hologram belongs to my understanding into the thought category, so my trouble is that I seem not to be able to sense without thought. And the virtual center supports a sense of separation.is there a subject if you don't think about it? where is a gap between experienced and experiencer?