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Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:48 am
by Ilona
There is no I to succeeed or loose. There are stories about succeeding or loosing. Sensations, emotions, feelings that follow, but where is that entity in actuality?

Now look, is there a gate to cross?
Is there a 'me' that can cross it?

Sending love

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:43 pm
by Kvist
May need some time for this. I am not sure what the "gate" metaphor means.
I look around, hear and smell and taste and feel and think and feel emotions move around and pains in the body. Nothing seems attached to anything.
Working on this around the clock and feel exhausted. But the exhaustion is not attached anywhere either. It's free floating.

I understand there is no me
I can not find a me
But still that knot is centering "me" roughly where I sit. Opened eyes seem to help the knot to stay put. Closing them seem to spread experience infinitely and being non-existent at the same time. Still a "Me-knot" dangling like an anchor.

Crap! What to do?

Thank you Ilona!

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:05 pm
by Ilona
Haha, stop imagining that this tension is the me. Tension is, sensation are, me- is not.
What happens to an imaginary thing when you no longer imagine it?
Imagine a unicorn sitting on the sofa.
Can you get rid of it?
Do you need to do anything for it to stop being here? Can it die?

Don't expect happy ever after. Tensions, frustration are not going to vanish. There is no I already.

Sending love

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 4:25 pm
by Kvist
yeah

Maybe it isn't the tension(Knot) that I actually imagine as me, I feel there is something else I can't reach.
…because I still indentify with an entity.
An entity watching Kvist making decisions, acting, thinking.
Maybe not an entity.
I know I'm being fooled. Why the hell can't I see through it?

I do not expect anything except absolutely knowing I have been unfooled!

I feel bigger somehow.
Still I

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 9:12 pm
by Ilona
Ok, so if it not the tension knot, where and what this entity is that identity sticks to?
Where is the I that holds 'my identity'?
Is there I without the I thought? Where is it when there is no I thought?
Can a thought identify with another thought?

Look into this.
You going well. Keep digging.

Love.

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 10:12 am
by Kvist
When words like "I", "Me", "Who", "Who or what am I" or anything pointing towards or looking for that answer there is nothing sticking to anything. Then there is only a seamless stream of coming and going.

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 12:11 pm
by Ilona
how does it feel to see this?
do you notice any differences in normal everyday situations?
what hasn't changed at all?

much love

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 1:32 pm
by Kvist
When all such ideas are absent, like letting go of a hot air balloon ballast. Merging. Light. Dissolving.

Today has felt, nice. maybe a bit automatic. Not sure. Non-imposing.
A bit. Glimpses of that lightness.

Otherwise, exactly the same. Mundane.

Right now feels like the search is what creates the problem. Or creates what looks like a problem.

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2016 3:16 pm
by Kvist
I let the unicorn go.
I let kvist go.

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 8:48 am
by Ilona
And you for reply. Yes, the search itself is tension. And the search it to relieve tension. So it's like a feedback loop- trying to fix that which is not broken, seeking for relief from seeking.

There is no I to let go of anything.. How about that?
Letting go or not happens. This moment does not care, it's already here, let go or not, struggle or not, what is already is.

Can you see that?
What would life look like without seeking?

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 10:36 am
by Kvist
I had learned to let thoughts be thoughts but just wasn't able to believe the "I" also was a thought. It's so obvious, why all the literature to muddle the waters. Everything I have read has fed the I-thought. I expected 10 or more years. Or rather "I" expected to never get untangled. There is a bookshelf full of stuff I haven't read yet, and I was contemplating reading through others threads on this forum. No such urge is present. This was a wonderful disappointment.

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 8:44 am
by Ilona
:) wonderful disappointment...
How is it going?
Is I something that comes and goes?


Sending love

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:44 am
by Kvist
It's disorienting. There is fluctuation between only this and drama. Sense of urgency is gone. There is serenity but I am a long long way from being ready to start talking like a sissy and do dharma talks on youtube.
The phrase "Thank you for nothing" makes complete sense.

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 12:25 pm
by Ilona
aaaa, now it sounds that you get the cosmic joke! looking for nothing then finding nothing, then looking no more..

can you talk a little about free will, decision making, what drives it? how decisions happen? give some examples from your current experience

sending love

Re: Glimpsed it. Not yet living it.

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2016 1:26 pm
by Kvist
Can't put my finger on exactly what a decision is. They appear the same way emotions do. The word free will doesn't even make sense.
There is a kind of relaxing into action. Smooth. It's wonderful but everything is far from clear or self evident, trying to think about it produces paradoxes on paradoxes. Sitting to write about it even more so.
I'm very thankful for your continued guidance.

Much Love