That's good stuff - much appreciated!I am a girl who is completely lost. There is nowhere to hang on, no real way to define myself. It's all just going so fast, the thoughts constantly cancelling themselves out. I go to meditation to calm down, to feel good. I take refuge in the stillness of my body, no matter how much it hurts from sitting for such long periods without moving. The stillness is my anchor. It's my refuge. I cling to it like a drowning woman clings to a buoy.
The pretence, the fraud, is all seen clearly and felt. Now, what we then tend to do is judge and punish. Hate ourselves. So, this is key. Because when that happens, when we take on these PERCEPTIONS as real and true, of course we judge and punish. Then we try and escape these perceptions by - as you say - taking refuge. But really, we are running away from home.
This is the pivot on which opening the heart turns.
We open the heart wide and love ourselves WHATEVER we see. We love ourselves in the FACE of all these perceptions because we HAVE TO LOVE, there is no choice. Otherwise, we are slaves to such conditioned perceptions, and there is no freedom there.
Now, why are we doing all this and not just launching into Direct Looking? :)
Because only when we are inclusive, open and OK with such perceptions (as self, pretence, fraud) can we see them without all the emotional baggage. We are able to see them more CLEANLY. We see how we have - in the past - MAINTAINED these perceptions and all the energy and time that took.
And we give up, and it gives up.
Whether you surrender, or the pretence surrenders doesn't matter.
You are out of that game.
The pretence moves from truth to fiction. We still see it. But now, it is a curious folly.
We wonder - who am I? - but need no answer from mind/thought. The heart beats, we smile, a knowing arises, we smile again.
We are here, we are home. At peace, with nothing to run away from. Free, with nothing to believe as truth.
Again, sit with and absorb as and when. See whatever heaviness is here, and don't push it away. All is welcome to the party. Life is ever-inclusive. All is welcome.
Share when it comes.