1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
1. there is no separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I' or whatever, whenever, whatsoever and when there was it was all a mis-thought; a forgetting of Unified I for getting separate.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
2. the illusion is the separatude itself.
it starts the instant i thinks it is thinking. It is without the foundation of an absolute awareness of One and it works by using a root thought of self hate. From there an ego/personality based in perpetuated separation is supported by a jumble of thoughts thinking they co-exist as an i. To experience/understand that the addiction to existence is a mere thought is critical.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
3. it doesn't 'feel' one way or another.
the main dif is that there is no longer any seeking/doubt because there is no conscious thought that bases a 'Me'. Unified I is a flatline and separation is a disturbance in the flat line that has the quality of a U/You!
the past few days have been just like the previous few months in that since coming to the awareness of the illusion of separation, i am more present than before which results in an excellent life and even when i is not present it is quickly seen as a thought of separation, ideally before acting and I, either way, is all all good ;)
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
4. i don't know if there was a last bit that pushed me over but there was a biggest bit that became abundantly clear over time - the experiencing of everything these sense doors picked up as unified. for instance, as i close my eyes and hear the background noise i notice it now as just what's happening and as 'Me'. as i open my eyes and see the view i notice it now as just what is and it is seen as 'Me'. As I interact with others there is a budding awareness that they are a perfect reflection of the quality of this mind and that truly, they are Me!
What made me look and for the first time see, was the awareness that the i that needs to exist was quiet after self inquiry. It became obvious that the experience of a me separate from anything else just didn't exist. There was no unqualified proof; the evidence was all circumstantial!
5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
5. Decision, intention, free will, choice and control are all thinkings that can only come from a mind in separation. How to decide or choose between one when there is only a One? What is there to intend or control when there is no doubt? Free will from what when the only i that could possibly conceive of free will is seen as a substanceless thought?
Happening happens. As the background noise is heard, it is heard as part of all that is happening. For the most part, as thinking happens it is experienced before acting as mere thoughts arising. The time between the happening and the realization that it is all just happening is lessening. There is no meaning until I give a thing its meaning – including and most importantly, the meaning I give to an i.
It works like the beating of my heart and the flowing of my blood – without my thinking a thing is, at all; it is perfection in action!
For me to be responsible for anything, there would have to be a me that exists separate from everything else. It would be like a blood cell doing stretches in the heart's left ventricle preparing itself for the circuit around the body. The Modus Operandi of a control freak!
6) Anything to add?
6. Awhile ago I remembered that i doesn't exist, and the next day I forgot the same thing!
Also, today, as I was preparing to own up to a 'mistake' I had made, the feelings of foreboding still existed but did not deter me. The i that had previously felt the fear and run because of it was seen as made up and I smiled as I stepped toward the owning I was about to perform.
Thank you Ilona :) I appreciate all who have helped and wished me well. Well, the truth is that i appreciate all periodski!