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[Josephkoudelka]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

[Josephkoudelka]

and here are the rest of the final questions.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Please feel free to answer these at you own pace.

Joseph ♥︎

[antara]

Hi Joseph,

Thank you for your replay.

It is easier, when alone or in nature, at least in the early days of this. If you continue to look from time to time throughout the day, as you are, it will become easier to look even in the midst of activity. And a time will come when it is known immediately, even during emotional strife.

Thank you for writing about the emotions. This can be my trap, because, when the strong emotions are experienced I tend to get quite often caught up with them. During this looking it is easier to see also the passing nature of emotions, but this is really not easy for me sometimes. Over the past few years I can feel them somehow more intensly and there are moments that all there is seen and felt is the emotion. There has been quite intense moments of fear and deep sadness...I have learned just be with them, but there has been times, when there has been no awareness of the space holding them.

I will start to answer the questions...at the moment no 1)

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, there is not…never was. Since the last time I have answered this, I come back to the question now and then and I do look again…and I never find anything….Sometimes I can see mind saying – o, there has to be something…especially, when I am in everyday activities…and I look again - and it all comes back to just this space with breathing, sensing…being.

Will post more tomorrow.

Love,
Antara

[Josephkoudelka]

Great response. Take all the time you need.

[antara]

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of the separate self is when the thought created entity Me is believed to be reality.

There is the body and the ideas and believes attached to this Me…and then I believe, that something happens to this Me… creating the story of somebody and this story is believed to be real. I act and see according to these events, believes, ideas what is in this box. This is the only reality which is known from the perspective of this entity. It believes that it the doer, the decider, the chooser, but its not…the more I observ it, the more amazing it gets…because even in little every day things, like washing the dishes or giving food to the dog…there is no decision there, even if it looks like there is…the doing just is there…and it all feels much more relaxed.

It does start very early in childhood…parents, family, education. We get more and more of these labels, ideas of what or who “I” am…every time I look at this, I get this feeling that I cannot breathe…that its too tight and narrow.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It definitely feels much more peaceful and somehow grounded. This step by step looking has brought down the fear, what was present quite intensly last few years. It still comes, but it feels more welcomed and I don’t get so overwhelmed.

There is much less want to change or to push things. There is quite feeling of okay- ness with the way it is at the moment.

There is this silent joy and kind of amazement, what I feel quite often…It is quite quiet, but its there.

Feeling of being silent…I have never been much of a talker, but now sometimes it just so strong…no desire to talk.

There is sometimes this soft and vulnerable feeling…a little like sadness but not quite that…don’t have really word for it now.

I notice more things around and I enjoy more what is happening now, rather than to travel in the thoughts. Of curse that happens as well and there is everyday stuff, when I forget, but I don’t get that much bothered about that.

To be continued…

[Josephkoudelka]

:)


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[antara]

there is a little more to the no 3)

- I have noticed also, that there are quite a lot memories lately and the dreams some nights are quite vivid.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

When I sow the approach what is here, with the opportunity to look at this with the guide, something clicked. Just felt a push to write. I have listened to teachers and read books, but havnt had lot of chances to address it from my expierience with the direct looking.
There was a seeing of this what happened few years ago, but it was sudden and somehow brought up a lot of fear and confusion... looking like this step by step has been really helpful.

Will answer 5) and 6) tomorrow!
Thank you,
Antara

[Josephkoudelka]

Ok Antara. No hurry. I am traveling at the moment and my internet access is limited. I look forward to reading the rest.


Thank you

Joseph ♥︎

[antara]

Joseph,

I have to postpone my answer a little...today and tomorrow my schedule is quite tight and i dont want to rush with my replay...just will take a little more time.

Thank you and have a good travel,
Antara

[Josephkoudelka]

ok. :)

[antara]

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

As it was seen while ago the decision makes itself. I think that I am the one who is doing that, but I don’t. The decision is somehow there and the act just happens. This I have actually noticed for a while now that sometimes, when “I” don’t know and am desperate to make a decision it just is not there and then after a while it kind of grows by itself…and one moment I just find myself taking one or other direction.
It refers also to everyday so called small things…the decisions and doing is just there by itself. Actually looking like this it does not feel as the decision anymore…just like a movement.

All of this - decision, intention, free will, choice and control is happening when I am looking from the point of view of mind…then there is decision, intension…choice and control…otherwise there is non of that…there is even kind of not knowing of this ...it is just a movement….like free, easy, playful movement of everything. No one playing it… It just plays itself.. and it feels like there is a interconetction between things….it may look that it is happening randomly, but its not…it feels like there is an order…like chaotic order (I don’t know how to explain that…its more like feeling) actually at the moment there is sense like everything happens in the same time…it is just like a firework and richness of everything.

From the point of view of the separate self there is no free will really. If I don’t choose my thoughts, don’t make my decisions, then free will is not there. In the space of everything it is feels free. It is just absolutely free…

What makes things happen? It feels like a force. Just like a enormous pull…even when a small seed is growing there is just so much strength to it. It just feels very powerful. And it feels that everything happens exactly in the super perfect time…nothing to do with what I want, don’t want…and decision what is there, it is just on the perfect time…and if its not there, there is no need for it to be there.
From the point of view of the separate self I can think, what is what and have all sorts of plans, but what really happens is something else. Thought just cannot know. Its like it has its own movement what is part of all, but it does not know…Knowing is more like sensing…Its being.

What are you responsible for? Few days ago there was a seeing about guilt and blame. It got very clear that if I don’t choose my thoughts, my actions, decisions…so called others don’t do that either….there is no one to blame for anything and nothing to feel quilty about…no one has been able to do otherwise, than it was done. It kind of did put me in the absolutely empty place, where there is nowhere to travel in thoughts and nothing to analyze any more. So, it just took away the personal responsibility about things, what was thought I or anybody else could do differently. And its not like I will go around and do I don’t know what….it just takes away the weight. Without that there is nothing else but just being here.
And if everything happens…like washing the dishes happens, giving food to the dog happens, planting the flowers happens…or not…
There is no personal responsibility…it just happens…and there is no person really…and as the space, what contains it all…there is just so much love and care for the smallest appearance…there is actually no small or big appearances after all…It is all just so equal…its all just the same thing…Its like a shapes of the same. The size does not matter…the appearance does not matter…its all cared, loved nourished equally, nothing has been left out…because there is no out…Its just all one love.
It never sleeps, never dies, its there all the time…its vibrantly alive...every, every moment…
And its fully responsible…I don’t know if that’s the right word…But it is just the feeling of being in this moment, acting out of this..is the responsibility…but it is different than the responsibility what comes from the mind….its like I am fully here, in this moment and my responsibility is whats here now.

6) Anything to add?

No, not at the moment!

With love,
Antara

[Josephkoudelka]

Hi Antara. I will now have other guides take a look at this thread. There may be additional questions from them. I will post those if and when I receive them. I am about to start traveling back home and will probably be unable to post until Monday.

Love

Joseph

[antara]

Thank you, Joseph...:)

[Josephkoudelka]

I've submitted our thread and it is being reviewed by other guides.

Joseph ♥︎

[Josephkoudelka]

Hi antara, we have some questions from other guides.

In question 2 you said, "then I believe, that something happens to this Me… creating the story of somebody and this story is believed to be real." So, what is this I that can create a story of someone by believing in it? Can you say a little more about what may really be going on there?

In question 5 you responded, "All of this - decision, intention, free will, choice and control is happening when I am looking from the point of view of mind…then there is decision, intension…choice and control…otherwise there is non of that". Similar to Q2, so is there really any decision, intention etc, even when 'I am looking from the point of view of my mind'? What is really looking from 'that point of view'?

Joseph ♥︎