DC10 let's do it!

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Ilona
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DC10 let's do it!

Postby Ilona » Fri Sep 23, 2011 7:40 am

Hi, let's start from you describing where exactly you are at the moment. Do you exist?
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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby DC10 » Fri Sep 23, 2011 3:11 pm

thank you.

Do I exist?

I know there is no me. Never has been, never will be. I've done enough work or thinking/meditating on this to really know this is the truth. But then "I" get trapped by negative thoughts. I'm sure you've heard this 100's of times, maybe 1,000's! It's "understanding" that there is no such thing as "me?, but I can't seem to get "to" the gate, never mind crossing through it....I don't exist as a separate entity, no.

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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby DC10 » Fri Sep 23, 2011 4:47 pm

In reading one of the posts on the One On One board, LetMeIn reponded to someone's response, which was "similar" to mine by saying, "so you understand the concept but have not seen it". I think that describes where I am. What a great site!

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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby Ilona » Fri Sep 23, 2011 8:50 pm

I know exctly where you are. staring at the gate, unable to cross... there is no gate. and there is no you to cross. crossing happens by itself. it is happening now, just notice. noticing happens too.. is there a witness? or is it witnessing happening?
tell me what you've got.
Truth realized will set you free.
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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby DC10 » Fri Sep 23, 2011 10:31 pm

is there a witness? or is it witnessing happening?
( I wrote a reply then lost it, losing my connection...)

Hmmm....I'm truly not sure.....I feel there is a witness watching all this happen, but that may be due to my Buddhist backround? Maybe this is a sticking point for me. If there is no "me", then "who" is witnessing?

I'm feeling yes and no and I know that is not really a great answer, but that is what is coming....

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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby Ilona » Sat Sep 24, 2011 12:16 am

Look here, there is reading happening, focussing happening, seeing happening, what is behind all this? Is there a separate entity watching this? Or is it just a thought passing by, I am witnessing... Can I do anything?
Answer when you are 100% sure.
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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby DC10 » Sat Sep 24, 2011 2:33 am

Ha! Of course! There is just another thought "I" am witnessing, no different than, "I" am writing, "I" am walking, "I" am breathing, bad, good, etc......When you put it that way, it's so obvious.

Perfect.

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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby Ilona » Sat Sep 24, 2011 6:52 am

So is there a you as a separate entity at all? Was there ever? What is the I then?
Truth realized will set you free.
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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby DC10 » Sat Sep 24, 2011 4:37 pm

So is there a you as a separate entity at all?

No, there was never really a separate entity....."I" was given a name, told I was a boy, sometimes good, sometimes bad, "I" was conditioned to believe in a separate "me" from my family, teachers, friends and society.....and of course, I had no reason not to believe in "me" at that point.

Was there ever?

No, looking back I know that now. The conditioning runs SO deep, right through the bones. People, places, events "appear", but as a separate entity, "I" have never really been there. Maybe that's why we feel the same inside, as our bodies age, we don't feel different inside, cause there is no one there inside to feel any different? I've always felt that way, but never looked at it from that "view"...or "no view".

What is the I then?

The "I" is a bundle of thoughts and conditioning. Though when in emotional or physical pain, it sure feels as if there is an "I" experiencing it. (which is what I'm going thru now) It feels that way when "I' take the pain "personally", which I tend to do, even when I "know" there is no one that the pain is happening to. I know it's just "pain happening", and I need to get past the taking it as a personal "I". I know the pain will still be there, but will be much reduced when I know, really know, that's it's just pain, happening to no one.

I hope I didn't over explain my point, Ilona.....

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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby Ilona » Sat Sep 24, 2011 6:18 pm

no no, it's great. just rant about everything.

so how des it feel to be liberated?
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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby DC10 » Mon Sep 26, 2011 6:19 pm

so how des it feel to be liberated?

If you're asking me, personally how if feels to be liberated. I don't know. I don't believe I am there yet.

If you're asking, as I've heard you ask before, what should liberation feel like?

A liberated human behaves like all of "us" but is not attached to anything that happens. Events come and go and though some can be seen as good or bad, to the liberated, they are simply events "happening". Neither good nor bad, nor neccessarily to they have much to do with him/her. There's no one to judge.

I guess from my perspective, that's what it should be like. Life's events don't stop happening.....life is living itself, as a matter of fact, quite well, from the perspective of being truly free of the self.....as Buddha said so well, "Deeds are being done, but there is no doer." Life is being lived, but there is no "one" living it.

I guess from my perspective, that's what it should be like. Life's events don't stop happening.....life is living itself, as a matter of fact, quite well, from the perspective of being truly free of the self.....as Buddha said so well, "Deeds are being done, but there is no doer." Life is being lived, but there is no "one" living it.

You gave me permission to rant, so this is how I feel this moment, Ilona.....

I want peace. Real ever lasting peace.....freedom from this treadmill of self-ing. It's so tiring and pitiful, actually. I want to be free of judging and seeing myself in a negative light. Sometimes I wish I knew nothing of this and I wouldn't beat myself up over my suffering as I'm should "know" better. Is ignorance bliss? I don't want to think so.

I know it's a form of insanity or craziness to believe both things at the same time, but that is where I am. The times that I am in the "no me" zone are the happiest most freeing times of my life.....then I drift back to the "real" world (problems, self-pity, bills, etc, etc....) and it all comes back. You said it PERFECTLY once...."The world is real, YOU are not." Simple, yet perfect. Why can't I hold on to this? Why can't this TRUTH "stick"??? I know what you're going to ask, as I've sort of "studied" your writings.....

"What is the fear that is keeping me stuck.....what's behind the fear...."


Help!! Please!!

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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby DC10 » Mon Sep 26, 2011 11:22 pm

I posted a complete answer, which was here earlier, but now it it gone......I may have to do over.....ugh.........well, it' gives me another change to think about it, I guess...

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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby DC10 » Mon Sep 26, 2011 11:32 pm

so how des it feel to be liberated?

If you're asking me to feel what it's like to be liberated, I'm not sure I know about that...

If you're asking me what I think Liberation should feel like....


I feel liberation is, to quote an overused line, liberation from the lie of the self. Freedom to know, to really know that thoughts aren't real. I don't have to view "my" world through other's eyes and care about what they think of me.

A liberated human behaves like all of "us" but is not attached to anything that happens. Events come and go and though some can be seen as good or bad, to the liberated, they are simply events "happening". Neither good nor bad, nor neccessarily to they have much to do with him/her. There's no one to judge.

I guess from my perspective, that's what it should be like. Life's events don't stop happening.....life is living itself, as a matter of fact, quite well, from the perspective of being truly free of the self.....as Buddha said so well, "Deeds are being done, but there is no doer." Life is being lived, but there is no "one" living it.


no no, it's great. just rant about everything.

You gave me permission to rant, so here is how I feel right now....

I know it's a form of insanity or craziness to believe both things at the same time, but that is where I am. The times that I am in the "no me" zone are the happiest most freeing times of my life.....then I drift back to the real world and it all come back. You said it PERFECTLY once...."The world is real, YOU are not." Simple, yet perfect. Why can't I hold on to this? Why doesn't it "stick"?

This is where you will probably ask me ( i've sort of studied your blog...)....what is the fear that is keeping me stuck? What is behind that fear?

Help!! Please!!

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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby Ilona » Tue Sep 27, 2011 7:51 am

It's ok, all good, almost there. This liberation things happening. Just notice. There is no you to believe thoughts. Thoughts like 'this is bad, this is good, this is how it should be' are simply appearing and disappearing effortlessly. There is no you to think them. There is no you to believe them. there is no you that is crying for help.

This has nothing to do with belief.
Tell me, what can be known 100% present. Look at thoughts and notice, thoughts are real, the content- isn't.

And yes, what is behind that fear? Allow that fear to just be here. Is there a you to even allow it?

Notice how all is just happening. Trusting this process is surrendering.
Truth realized will set you free.
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Re: DC10 let's do it!

Postby DC10 » Tue Sep 27, 2011 1:46 pm

Hi Ilona,

I will answer your questions, but I wanted to share something with you that happened last night. I've lead sort of a solitary life since the divorce (3 years)....I've been dating this women for a few months and things seemed to be moving along quite well.

She left on a trip to New York 2 days ago, so I texted her asking how the trip was going. She didn't reply, but sent me an email later that night (last night) saying the she no longer wanted to continue the relationship.

Normally, this would put me in a bit of a tailspin, or at least bring on feelings of lonliness, depression, etc, etc......but whether it's though us working together, or I'm not sure......I wasn't the least bit upset. (still not).....It just hit me that "this is perfectly ok....any sadness you feel is nothing more that a thought....completely unreal. Who is there to be sad?"....it was a very strange, almost an "out of body" experience, cause for the first time, I felt like there really, truly, was "nobody home"....no one to be hurt. I went to bed feeling that way and sure enough, I feel the exact same way right now as I write this at 8:45 am. I'm very happy about it, but not in a "Yay! Look what "I've" done....or look how far "I've" come...".....it's sort of a quiet "non-event". Not sure how to deal with it, but I do like this feeling or way of "being"....

I know that's a bit off topic, but I HAD to share.....

thank you Ilona!


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