At the moment just experiencing - I will stick with this last instruction though and keep looking.
Great. Keep returning to this. Use it as your point of anchor. Return to your breathing, notice the senses, all the happening of the moment. That’s WHAT IS and that is all there is.
Very overcome emotionally. It's really not there - just an idea. Weeping now. Relief/grief. Calm.
That’s what’s happening for you. Let these emotions come up, don’t resist them or push them away. Welcome them and see what they have to say, if anything. Give them all your attention. Let me know if anything comes up.
I am seeking something perfect outside myself out of an insufficiently seen and examined belief in an inadequate self. No such perfect thing exists - it is the belief here which is the problem.
Stay with that thought ‘I am inadequate’. Really question it, what is ‘I’? What is ‘inadequate’? Inadequate for what? Where you are sitting right now, stop and look. Is there an entity there that is not adequate?
There is no such thing as ‘inadequacy’ apart from in our thinking.
When I look at the looking there is just a pain in the head, a tension in the shoulders, a subtle movement 'away'. I can't find any entity doing this. There is subtle mental resistance to the idea of nothing to find. The "It can't possibly be this simple" feeling. There is a bloody minded obstinacy here which just won't give in. Sad again. It is a belief in an inadequate self. It doesn't exist. Peace appears when that is seen.
Thank you, again, for this dedication and honesty. Yes, it is that simple. It takes only one honest look, in this moment. Stop. Look. There is no separate entity running the show. Only Life happening, and the ’Tom-ness’ or ‘Fred-ness’ qualities are expressions of Life. All unfolding on automatic.
They are collections of thoughts which believe they are an entity and experience suffering when the entity is threatened in some way.
Can a thought believe? Can a thought identify? Can a thought think? Does it have that power? Or is belief just a thought following another thought?
I think I have been in the rage stage of grieving for samsara and may be entering the depression stage. Probably followed by grief and acceptance (mental health training coming out there).
All we can say for sure is what is experienced right here and now. The rest is assumptions, that includes ‘stages’ (rage, depression, acceptance) in mental health. Whatever is experienced right now is the only happening. If it is rage, that’s what is, if it is depression, that’s what is. Who or what is in that rage stage, or that depression? Is there an ‘I’ there, in experience, that is claiming all this?
Question all assumptions, Tom, against the actuality of your present experience, don’t leave any stone unturned. There can be a lot of ‘unlearning’ to be done … once the absence of self is seen.