Guide requet for Ilona

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Aragon
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Re: Guide request for Ilona

Postby Aragon » Mon May 12, 2014 10:45 pm

Hi Ilona,

Hope you're well....

Today has been different again. I felt I lost the ball a bit on this one, but perhaps I was just getting on with life? Or should I say life is getting on with me? Or neither, or both?

Having said that, I've been noticing this:

My body no longer feels like a body. There are just sensations in space. I've had that before but now, even when I'm busy it feels like that.

My reactions are nothing without the thought process. I mean the feelings are there, yes, but they can't hurt anyone - they don't translate into action.

I thought the reactions rose in the body from the heart area but now its kind of like the feelings just fade into awareness in space, like on video editing software, almost imperceptible, to take a hold.

I used to ask 'why am I feeling like this, what is wrong, how to fix etc. ? but now it's who is feeling this, where is the feeling located, how does it feel, what is the story associated with it

had some anxiety today.. okay that's a label.... suggests to me I am still believing the story of me in this world...

still feeling some quiet time would benefit, hard to get a hold of any, maybe in hospital when it comes!

i know you said don't read, but I've been thinking about reading your pdf Gateless Gatecrashers, what do you think? bad idea?

Thank you again....

p.s. you have said twice now to focus in on silence but I've ignored it, i concentrate on the other stuff... so I'm going to give that a go. (Never quite sure about using I in these updates!)

Take care...
... dancing in the ebb and flow of attention, more present than the breath, I find the origins of my illusions.... - Nirmala

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Aragon
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Re: Guide request for Ilona

Postby Aragon » Tue May 13, 2014 2:18 am

It is strange now, I close my eyes, as if to meditate, but there is no form. Whatever comes comes and that is fine. The fuzz of the baby monitor, the hum of the fridge, the pain in 'my' back - all these were hindrances, mild causes of irritation, but now they are welcome here. How can I reject them when they are me and I them? It makes me laugh inside, the joy, the peace, the insanity of where I have been. It is ten past two in the morning but I no longer fear the early rise. What comes comes. What will be, will be. May life stroll on like this and all will be fine...
... dancing in the ebb and flow of attention, more present than the breath, I find the origins of my illusions.... - Nirmala

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Ilona
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Re: Guide requet for Ilona

Postby Ilona » Tue May 13, 2014 7:35 am

Dear Aragon,

I can see that something really changed for you. What you are describing now is what happens after the line is crossed. Can you say, with a big fat YES it is clear, that I is an illusion, that separate self is not an entity, but figment of imagination?

You can read GG book, or anything that is posted on this forum, it's not in the way.

Are you ready for the final questions? If not, what is in the way of yes?


Sending love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Aragon
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Re: Guide request for Ilona

Postby Aragon » Tue May 13, 2014 10:46 am

Hi Ilona,

I have grown somewhat accustomed to this daily writing and wonder how easy it will be to 'fall' without a guide, but in truth, I think the time has come. Though, at times, still experienced, I see through the self, see it as illusory, as a story, as a figment of the imagination. I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done... let's try the questions, let life roll on!
... dancing in the ebb and flow of attention, more present than the breath, I find the origins of my illusions.... - Nirmala

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Aragon
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Re: Guide request for Ilona

Postby Aragon » Tue May 13, 2014 2:20 pm

Funny today, I laughed out loud, so hard, at my wife's reaction. And she laughed too. So strange, she has no idea where I am coming from!

Seems like people are just patterns today. Patterns and habitual reactions. That's how it seems anyway...
... dancing in the ebb and flow of attention, more present than the breath, I find the origins of my illusions.... - Nirmala

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Ilona
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Re: Guide requet for Ilona

Postby Ilona » Wed May 14, 2014 7:42 am

You are most welcome, dear friend! And here are the questions. Take your time, write when ready.
It's not the end of exploration, there is so much more to see then this, seeing no self is an opening, the first step, the new beginning. We can chat anytime you like and you will meet many more friends in LU community that you can carry on exploring with. It's not the end.


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?


Much love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Aragon
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Re: Guide request for Ilona

Postby Aragon » Wed May 14, 2014 10:15 pm

Hi Ilona,

Thanks for your message and kind words. I will do these questions over the next couple of days.

Today I had a severe pounding headache. That was quite interesting. Though I understood what was occurring in terms of self, I really wanted that pain to go away. I hadn't been experiencing that want for a few days now!

Hoping you are well...
... dancing in the ebb and flow of attention, more present than the breath, I find the origins of my illusions.... - Nirmala

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Ilona
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Re: Guide requet for Ilona

Postby Ilona » Thu May 15, 2014 8:10 am

All states come and go.. Including headache.

Looking forward to your answers.
Much love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Aragon
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Re: Guide request for Ilona

Postby Aragon » Thu May 15, 2014 12:19 pm

Hi Ilona, here goes!
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. A delusion. A figment of the imagination.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Example from today. Whilst washing up. My hand was cut by a worn seive. The visual image. A mild sensation. A feeling arose (mild panic). The mind labelled, 'I've cut my hand'. From the arising of these conditions together, a story usually arises (I need to sort it out, it might get infected., I won't be able to write...), but for me now, there appears to be recognition of the seeds for formation of self instead, and usually it goes no further.

It is the thought that divides. That creates the gap. That introduces the idea of me and mine. Without that thought, experience is experienced. There is no gap. The gap is, as you said, a thought about the gap.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
I feel gratitude to you. I don't feel a sense of attainment. Most of my like now seems without an agenda. Calmer. Less prickly. Softer. More available.

When I feel like this I don't remember the old me. It has gone. I have been like this forever. The old me seems just a dream, a mirage a mock show. It's like time has gone. There is only 'now' spreading out for eternity, and that's felt, not something layered on top.

When I drive, I am no longer rushing. It feels so good to drive without having to rush! And when I react, I am no longer looking for the reason why.

(Of course, I know too I am not driving, nor is it I that is reacting)

The search has stopped. There is no-where to go and nothing to do. Yet strangely, there is lots to be done. There is a process at work and it is unfolding. There is a sense it is incredibly creative and will be of benefit to the world.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
I had seen the self formulate in my mind a few times but it was not absorbed somehow. It was only looking back, and a comment from you, that made me realise. I do not know which side of the line lay that dark day of doubt, but it feels like that was significant.
5) Can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
I am reluctant to theorise. That image I used before seems most appropriate. The spaceship with a captain barking orders, filled with his own importance. That is the self. But no one is listening, no one cares. Everything is being done despite the captain.

It feels like there are just conditions causing conditions. I see 'me' as just reponding to conditions. Hunger arises, I eat. My daughter falls over, I pick her up. A joke is made, I laugh.

Are people not just patterns? Yesterday I felt I was married to a pattern. Habitual responses. Before this felt absurd, and frightening. Now it seems obvious and somewhat amusing.

It feels like something has changed here though, crossing the gate. An element of creativity and space has stepped in. It is still life unfolding, but something seems different somehow.
6) Anything to add?
There is a quietness. Underneath a river of joy bubbling, sometimes surfacing. Occasionally the self returns but it is seen through. It cannot take a hold.

Whilst I emphasise I realise this is not the same 'attainment', it still has the flavour of this:

"Through the round of many births I roamed without reward, without rest, seeking the house-builder. Painful is birth again & again. House-builder, you're seen! You will not build a house again. All your rafters broken, the ridge pole destroyed, gone to the Unformed, the mind has come to the end of craving." — Dhp 153-4

Please ask whatever more you wish,

As always, wishing you well....
... dancing in the ebb and flow of attention, more present than the breath, I find the origins of my illusions.... - Nirmala

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Ilona
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Re: Guide requet for Ilona

Postby Ilona » Sat May 17, 2014 7:32 am

Thank you so much for beautiful, clear answers. I have no moe questions at this point and I see that the nonexistent gate was crashed! Yey! What a journey, thank you so much for coming here and finding freedom.
I will pm you about how to join LU community on Facebook for continuing support and friendship. You will also see a new part on forum open.

When all settles, please consider guiding, it's most effective way to go deeper, while helping someone else, you too get to look at different questions and clarify more.. It's a beautiful way to pass on the gift of freedom.

As you may realise, this is fresh beginning and there is so much more to explore, but now it's no longer seeking, it's seeing.

Have a wonderful day.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book


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