The time you are giving me is invaluable. Thank you.
I took an hour to go deeper on your last questions.
Some considerations about the experience: I don't like anymore this "observation" of thoughts, this meditation to look at the train without being transported by it. I feel like I'm going back to a way already abandoned. I feel the effort, while being just HERE is far easier and effortless. Of course the HERE state is not permanent and I can be brought away easily by the train of thoughts.
Again, it is disturbing the need to stop to remember or write down what I will write you later after some editing.
As the internal voice subsides the energy-flow feeling in the body increases. Senses become mixed together and touch is by far the more powerful.
I don't really know if the voice really disappears: there is this "body rumbling", a kind of internal noise, loud. It is the noise of body sensations free to be perceived. It is very clear that this "noise" is always there but it is usually filtered and passes unnoted. The general feeling is of peace, no need to do anything, no need to think anything, acceptance. In this state there is not obsessions to drive you, not even when my sick daughter is sleeping a troubled sleep close to me.
It is easy to note thoughts ("this thought was about...") and be brought away by them. Easy enough to be back IN, at least for another few seconds. It is like I cannot forget what I found. It is impressive how fast it is to go back to IN and how tricky are thoughts to take you OUT. There is a kind of pleasure to go OUT, like smoking: you know it is harmful, but you do it anyway.
Thoughts are mostly planning ("I must remember that..."), a few complains, some fantasies. As soon as they are seen as thoughts, they are no more. Between a thought and the next there is apparently nothing, usually interrupted ba a comment such as "No thoughts coming" (a thought itself) and then the rollcoaster begins again.
B. I invite you once more to sense each sense in turn. Then suggest 'could this be IT?'
Each unfiltered sensation IS IT. Each thought or classification/label IS NOT IT. There is no doubt about this. Even if nothing change it is very easy to tell apart IN and OUT. OUT is just IN (always present) plus a load of mind shit.
When IN, sensations are no more single ("I hear a noise, I touch fabric") but in groups: noises are "ambient noise" and not split apart; the body weight, heat, touch are perceived all together at the same time. It is what I have been looking for years during Vipassana meditation and it is very easy indeed to be experienced now, even when I'm OUT.
D. When you take the labels, 'observer', 'witness' and any label that is presenting about the 'participation', when you take these words away, what is left of these experiences other than just life happening in all these apparent experiences and sensations?
Rationalizing I understand it is absurd to remove the labels. I believe I would be delusional if I do.
Leaving the mind apart for a moment (it is difficult to write without some rationalizazion) I would say there are the experiences alone and a body which perceives sensations and react to them in an autonomous way. Alex is completely not necessary. While intellectually "I" feel hurted to think "I" am no more necessary, when I'm IN there is a feeling of lightness and at the same time of activity, without unuseful thought-weight.
Mark, how can you describe how you feel without rationalizing it? Even words are not good enough. I told about my problems with English nuances, while the same problem is even in trying to describe in my mothertongue...
To be honest, every time I write you I would love to read in your answer "you are there!".
I will go deeper.