Do sensations precede thought or the other way around ?
OMG Vince. I think I may be almost there. Sensations do precede thought then I give a label to the sensation. I have had a fear of dying since I was an 8 year old boy. Its more controllable now. But a headache would always be a brain tumour, or anything I could find information on. Cerebral malaria, for instance. A pain in the chest would always be a heart attack.
I actually did die briedly when I was an 8 year old boy after a bad accident. I can still see myself up on the ceiling, watching my mother screaming over me. I have always been, lets say, a very unusual character, and very sensitive, but also very popular for some reason. When you said. examine the process how thoughts make your experience about life, rather than a direct experience of living.
Can you see this happening ? (don't judge it)
Can you see the way it happens ?
I immediately went hot and cold. I have kicked this idea about, and NO there is no I to be found in my body, or my brain. But there is still a watcher of everything happening. What I had overlooked was that ME My Bodymind always jumps in to any situation and shouts the loudest. I believe authority, and when loads of people claim the same thing I tend to believe that also. But what I am going to say now is. I know that I am not my body, I know that I am not my mind, or memory, or anything Psychological. But I also know that I am still hanging around just like the rest of everything I see is. Also. I can't see any point where I am desperate from anything else. I am pissing myself laughing at this notion. Because. This is the bodymind writing this, because I don't exist. I just am I would say that this is my body-mind doing as its told for a change.
I also feel scared I have to say. But I think, I hope! This is my programming crapping itself because its just got nowhere to run. I can protect my body to a certain extent, and make sure I eat well and keep out of danger. But the illusive "I" is untouchable and can't be protected because it doesn't have a nature or substance, and yet its also lieka substrate that everything is existing on, or maybe not. Am I talking bollocks Vince? I feel weird.