Wow substituting the word awareness with experience has made a very huge difference. It seems very difficult for me to do a 180 degree turn and look at Awareness. It also feels hard to pin it down or notice it. But the word experience sounds mundane and intimate. Makes me feel one with whatever it is that I am experiencing.
Sanjay... words are words... regardless of any words... there is an experiencing that is always occurring... like the experiencing of this sentence being read and read and read and read. can you see that as you read this sentence (now read it very slowly) that there is no separate reader or experiencer or seer, but just an experience of reading the sentence? if whatever experience arises + though pops up to say "i feel the experiencer", can you see that this is just another experience... so basically... there is NO experience-er apart from the Experience. Carry this simple question throughout your whole day:
- is there an experience-er apart from the Experience? or is that also just Experience...so.... really... there is ONLY this Experiencing.
But I'm unable to say the same thing about seeing. The sense of separation is strongest in the sense of sight.
So then let this be your exercise. Pick a few objects. Look at them.
Is there a separate seer?
Is there a separate experience-er?
or are you just separating vision and some other sensation... perhaps the sensation of feeling ('body' / 'head')?
find this 'sense of separation' you speak of... drop the label "sense of separation" and see if there is ANY separation in Experience?
Do you see that no matter what you say about seeing, there is no ACTUAL separation apart from your conceptualization of it?
There's just the experience of sensations, thoughts, and the sense of being. Got it.
Make sure this is not an agreement, but a confirmation from Right Here, Right Now, in Experience.
Yes you're right. I cannot see awareness, I only experience other sensations. There is just the experience of whatever is sensed via the sense streams.
Right... "awareness" is synonymous with "Experience" ... yet in many traditions, people reify this awareness as something separate and so seeker start to create it in their minds. There is no awareness separate from Experience, and no experience-er whatsoever, and if there seems to or feels to be... it is ALSO just Experience... so there is only this Experience... only This. Again. CHECK. Whatever I say here, TEST it out until it is crystal clear and keep testing it by simply LOOKing and simply SEEing... in your Direct Experience. Apply this all day every day always.
Yes the experience of seeing, hearing, feeling happens all the time regardless of whether there is this "I" thought or whether the sense of being "me the experiencer" is present or not. The experiencer comes up later and says I saw, I heard, I felt.
Sanjay! BINGO! Perfect Insight!
does the 'experience-er' come up? and does this experience-er say anything?
is it not just another sensation, perhaps a sense of being, and then a THOUGHT "I am yada dada"?
Keep it simple with respect to direct Experience. CHECK.
Awareness is the conscious experience of seeing, the conscious sense of being, of existing, of being alive. It isn't personal in the sense that it isn't my doing. It is simply here regardless of whether I am conscious of its presence or not. The claimant arises as a thought and says I am awareness. A little later the claimant may say I am frustrated, or I am the driver and so on. I can see that thought identifies with anything and everything.
Simply, there is an Experiencing... always... like the Experiencing of this sentence.
Is there a claimant that arises Sanjay? or is there just a shifting Experience and a THOUGHT about a "claimant"?
Is there a claimant that says "I am frustrated"? or is there just a THOUGHT that says "I am frustrated"?
THIS IS A KEY DIFFERENCE. CHECK. Does a claimant actually arise and exist?
Yes... THOUGHTS are self-referencing, and usually use the self-referencing center of "I"/"me". What does it reference to? Experience. THOUGHTS also are Experience. That's it. There is only this Experience.
Well, sometimes when I am not lost in thoughts, I become aware of being aware. During such times I am feel one with awareness knowing that I am aware (self aware). If I stay with it for sometime its brings about a felt sense of integration, liveliness and joy. Everything becomes more alive and vivid. Its a beautiful experience. The afterglow of this experience lasts for a few days. But it almost always happens accidentally. I have been able to recreate the experience sometimes but it doesn't work all the time. Most other times I'm usually lost in thoughts.
There are many experiences. Regardless. There is no experience-er.
WHO is lost in thoughts?
WHO is 'aware of being aware'?
No matter what happens, how awesome or lost the experience is Sanjay... is there a separate self? Is there a YOU in it?
But the conviction that I do not exist is still not 100%. How do I get to the 100%. Do I continue to keep looking, feeling, hearing into direct experience until the conviction that there is no ME in direct experience is hammered in permanently? How do I experience this from a gut level?
How do you get to where you already are Sanjay?
WHO is going WHERE?
Looking is happening, seeing is happening, feeling is happening, hearing is happening, convictions of this and that are happening... all without a "me" :)
Just Simply See Sanjay... there is no Sanjay in any of this :)
As I was staring directly at it, it occurred to me that if I can stare / look at the sense of me, that could only mean I am not that sense of me.
Good. There is only Experience... no experience-er.
So I must be whatever it is that is staring at the sense of me. So I turned to look at what was staring at the sense of me and found nothing was looking. It was a very freeing experience. But it dissipated quickly.
I think you are still under the assumption there has to be a looker or perciever... what if there is no-thing or noone looking, just looking happening.
What if there is just the Experience.
LOOK DEEPLY, and use these pointers and my questions BUT...
Write me back simply... do not respond to all questions this time. Write me back simply and tell me where you are in a few words. Let's reset this flow of conversation with simplicity.