Thank you again for the response.
Jacki, might I suggest that you take a day to fully explore this shift as you go about your day to day life, moving in different contexts, meeting friends etc. Should be fun! :)
Then tomorrow, come back and share with some of your experiences.
And, if there's anything you want to share if the meantime, feel free.
With warm wishes,
Hi again John,
Feelings of joy, peace, and ease still abound. Below are some observations from the past day. So many interesting things coming up. Undoubtedly more on the horizon, but here are a few for now.
Some observations noted:
The physical apparatus seems to do just fine without the mind, the self that believes it is that. When I am aware of the present moment, the observation is that this thing we call a body does best when not interfered with. Thoughts believed about what it should do next, what it is doing, what state it is in - not my business. When there is no mental direction - no self involved that thinks it knows what is best, the physical apparatus moves, the heart beats, the lungs fill up, digestion happens, fingers move, arms and legs go where they are to be in the moment. There is grace in movement, all working in order, when the "I" that believes it is in control is seen through. I have been having some angst about losing so much hair when it is washed. Thoughts that this shouldn't be happening", "This doesn't look good", "why is this happening?", "Something should be done about this", etc., etc. Yesterday, after a shower, as the body was cleaning out the drain strainer, the thought came, "Hmmmm… the physical apparatus is dropping hair. How about that." No stressful feelings attached! Then the thought came, "Who made this "body? Did the self called I have anything to do with that?" I couldn't find any proof of that one. All the intricacies of so-called cells, interconnectedness, unfathomable elaborateness. Yet the I thinks it knows more than this amazing piece of work. It became clearer how when the I that believes it owns this body is extracted from the picture, the physical apparatus does marvelous things! It heals wounds. It gives birth painlessly. It builds other bodies. It breaths, it functions, it goes from point A to point B without being told how to do it. It drives cars - even when the mind is elsewhere and doesn't know how it suddenly got to where it is…. Without the belief in a separate self, an I that believes it is in control, perhaps disease would be seen for what it is - another grand illusion created by an I believing it knows best. The body functions perfectly, as does reality, when resistance of a separate self is left out of the picture. Another huge chunk of illusion dropped. The world believes the body Jacki is attached to to be 60 years old, and it hears from many others of all the ills that 'should' befall it by now. However, without a sense of an I owning this apparatus, it has been functioning as it did when it was any other younger age. It still sees the small print, it does all the asanas in yoga - even in high heat - without a problem and impressively. It runs, it eats, it jumps, it looks not it's so-called age, etc. It is not a slave to any belief of an owner. The I that thinks it owns anything is the only thing seeing the illusion of imperfection. And there is no proof that any sense of self has any remote inkling of what perfection might even be.
Without this sense of a separate self, all manner of things which before were invisible - not noticed, are there to be seen - openings happen, ways clear, paths light up. I have been relentlessly trying to find us (my husband and 17 year old daughter) a house to rent in a city closer to my husband's job in Vermont. It's been frustrating. Nothing available that isn't ridiculously expensive, but look like disgusting rat traps! Winter is coming and I wanted to be moved before snow. The i of me believing it knows what is best, and Life having other plans. That's when the feelings of frustration loom. With the exercise we started with the other day, all that frustration, the believing that I had to make something happen has ceased. The ease of seeing through the separate self has left the feeling of relief. Moving will happen when it happens. I have this sense of ease so firmly grounded that all is OK, nothing to do, I do not have to do the finding, the place will come to us. And an even more fun thing has happened… My daughter an I visited Oregon in August, and we fell in love. Now things may be moving in the direction of going back to the west (we're originally from CA), and the best part is, 'my self' has been removed from the equation of 'making it happen'. Feelings of relief and the letting go of this desire to move to a 'better' spot, are hard to describe - complete peace - beyond the ability of words. Yet there remains this feeling of jubilation that exciting things are in the works! I'm just watching it all unfold. When the 'me' is no longer revered as the master, lightness, peace, joy, and power happen. Weight is dropped. Cause and effect no longer rule the world. There is no existence of a past or future - they only exist in a so-called mind of i, and when the i is seen through there is only now, here, inclusion, everything, nothing.