I'm ready....

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Lavendergirl
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I'm ready....

Postby Lavendergirl » Sat Sep 22, 2012 10:37 am

Hello
I'm ready...the desire is there...the rest is a mystery! During the registering there was huge sensations....could be fear! Is there a guide please, to lead the way?

Love
Lavendergirl

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SeeEye
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby SeeEye » Sat Sep 22, 2012 5:28 pm

Hi,

Let's look into this. The general rule is that you commit to post once a day, and to do the work/looking as asked, and be honest with what comes up and where you are. If you are good with that, then let's roll.

Tell me about your expectations of the process, the result, and where you are, and we can go from there.

Care,

CI

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Lavendergirl
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby Lavendergirl » Sun Sep 23, 2012 6:38 am

Thank you.
My name is Rhonda, I'm 65yrs young, and I'm from Western Australia. Seeking has been happening forever but the intellectual knowing of what I'm seeking has been about 10 yrs. All has been via the internet and with a close friend who lives near me, who is also a seeker.
I have been reading Tony Parsons, Jeff Foster and Scott Kiloby, mainly. There has been a lot of undoing with the inquiry, lots of letting go of the fictitious 'me'. There is still evidence of fear, which I experienced, hugely, when I was signing up here. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it right. That everyone would see me as inadequate, as I wouldn't be as good as everyone else. Saying that I can feel the sensations going through the body.
I have no idea what I am expecting to get from LU. Aha..something I haven't already got, I hear!
Good start!
Love
Rhonda

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SeeEye
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby SeeEye » Sun Sep 23, 2012 10:05 pm

There is still evidence of fear, which I experienced, hugely, when I was signing up here. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it right. That everyone would see me as inadequate, as I wouldn't be as good as everyone else. Saying that I can feel the sensations going through the body.
Not being good enough is contents of thought....and digging in that is therapy. Decide that you are not your story.

Do these sensations "prove" the reality of this tired story? How does that work? You have a thought, you have a feeling, and then that means it's real?

What if you had a dream, which is like a story, that you were a purple gorilla...does that make it so?

BUT....we can start right there. What is this entity "who" that is inside that is not good enough?

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Lavendergirl
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby Lavendergirl » Mon Sep 24, 2012 12:37 pm

Hi SeeEye
Since my last post I have been reading LU 'About Illusion'. There has been a lot of seeing through of me and my story.

Thanks so much for the gentle shove of the dream of the purple gorilla! There has been a lightness all day, I so got it.

No, I see that sensations do not make anything real, they are a movement that is seen, nothing more. On looking I haven't found anything much today that is real...what is real?

That ' who' that is not good enough is no longer apparent. On investigation, hiding deep beneath all that was the fear of completely losing my 'self'. If that self disappears I would have no control over anything. How would I act, interact? Worse...what would I eat, after struggling for years with my weight, what if I started eating all sorts of crap food!

I know that is a story! Why is there this confounded hanging on of something not real? It seems like the final curtain can't be lifted.

Thanks for your time,
appreciation
Rhonda

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SeeEye
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby SeeEye » Mon Sep 24, 2012 2:28 pm

Thanks Rhonda.

So let's start with these questions.

What are your expectations and pre-conceived notions about what is going to happen when you see, when the final curtain is lifted?

When you are looking for the unknown, how can you know what to look for?

Thoughts are real, they just aren't the actual thing being thought of. If you think of a hamburger, can you eat that one? Hamburger thought is a symbol, like a city on a map...it is a reference to something but not the territory itself.

"I" is like a hamburger thought. What does it actually point to though? What do you think your "self" is?

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Lavendergirl
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby Lavendergirl » Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:58 am

Hello SeeEye

First question/answer: Freedom from identifying with thought. The ownership of the story will cease and the seeking will end.

The next question seems so silly when put into words. I don't know what to say it sounds so ridiculous. I guess there was looking for something different to what is! Who and where? i have no idea....a bit of uncontrollable laughter happening here just now!

The third question/answer: The same old story over and over again, the body, thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions...blah blah blah. It all sounds so stupidly unreal and unbelievable right now I can't help laughing. It so sounds like a big long story I can't even remember it all.

What will I do now? I don't have anything to say....I loved the questions!
Thank you
Love Rhonda

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SeeEye
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby SeeEye » Tue Sep 25, 2012 3:13 pm

Great!

So you have the 6 doors...5 senses and thought. Sight, sound, feelings, thoughts that are internal movies/pictures and sounds/dialogue...that makes up memory. Contents of memory are snapshots of experience, but the pictures are not the experience, just references. All you life you think they are about you, important to you, define you.

The words "I" "me" "self" are purple gorillas, but since this as never been questioned directly, and assumed for so long they existed.....like Santa before you find out he really isn't there.

Old saying "If it can be observed, that's not it"

You can observe and listen to thoughts, you can observe and listen to body, your environment....so that's not it. Then thought comes along and says "but....but...." that's not it. It will show you memories, it will stir up strong emotions, it will taunt you when you are frustrated, angry, offended....all thoughts. This proves NOTHING.

What happens when thought stops...there is silence. Awareness is aware. Nothing else in there. Gap between thoughts and labeling and making story is quiet. If you close your eyes it is quiet and black. In that quiet and black, look for a self. What is there? In between thoughts, look for a "self" to actually own them. You have body, you have mind.....look inside for "I" in that silence...is there anything there but the silence?

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Lavendergirl
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby Lavendergirl » Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:07 am

Yes, there is a pressure type of sensation in the head.....it can be observed.....is it "me"? I think I used to relate to that as me. It comes and goes.... It's like a trying feeling, that's the only way I can describe it. It's very familiar.

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Lavendergirl
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby Lavendergirl » Wed Sep 26, 2012 10:37 am

Hello
I had the day off work today so I've been checking posts all day. We must be on very different timelines.

There hasn't been any ownership today, thoughts have hardly been noticeable. I do not have any expectation that this will always be like that here. Just enjoying the peace of each moment.

love and gratitude
Rhonda

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SeeEye
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby SeeEye » Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:35 pm

Can you o further than the pressure in the head and look into this....
What happens when thought stops...there is silence. Awareness is aware. Nothing else in there. Gap between thoughts and labeling and making story is quiet. If you close your eyes it is quiet and black. In that quiet and black, look for a self. What is there? In between thoughts, look for a "self" to actually own them. You have body, you have mind.....look inside for "I" in that silence...is there anything there but the silence?
What is "I"...where is "I"?

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SeeEye
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby SeeEye » Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:37 pm

so I've been checking posts all day. We must be on very different timelines.
There is body, there is feeling/emotion, there are thoughts that come along and say "Hmmm, I wonder why no posts for me" and thoughts that tell you what that "means".

Who inside is offended? Who is frustrated? Can you find anything other than a string of thoughts and emotions dancing around with each other?

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Lavendergirl
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby Lavendergirl » Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:42 am

what is I, I is thought....where is I, only present in thought. if looking in between thoughts there is nothing except awareness of...sounds, movement in the body, and a sense of ' I am here"

Yes you are right! There was feelings / emotions, i noticed excitement, and a desire to share with you. I see what you mean about the thoughts telling what the feelings mean. I see the dance...no nothing else!

There's lots of thoughts,throughout the day that are only seen, without action arising. Strong feelings and emotions are felt without knowing, or wanting to know where they come from or what they mean. They are just there.

There's something about 'no thought' though. A belief that ' this is it', it's been unnoticed previously. When looking happens, all thoughts cease and there's a...mmm yes! no one there sort of feeling. Great that's been seen....

Thank you
Rhonda

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SeeEye
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby SeeEye » Thu Sep 27, 2012 3:21 pm

Hi Rhonda,

Sounds like something is brewing.
There's something about 'no thought' though. A belief that ' this is it', it's been unnoticed previously. When looking happens, all thoughts cease and there's a...mmm yes! no one there sort of feeling. Great that's been seen....
Thought doesn't stop...but believing the owner of thoughts is "I" will.

Was 'I" ever there?

Let me know how you are coming along.

CI

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Lavendergirl
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Re: I'm ready....

Postby Lavendergirl » Fri Sep 28, 2012 10:32 am

Hi Cl
The thought story went something like this..' get rid of the thoughts / thinker and that will get rid of the believer. It's the thoughts that are the enemy '

All the above is a big fat lie! Who is that liar? where is that liar? Who / where is that believer? Is there a real someone who can put there hand up here? Aha...the guilty one, believing the liar, that one who got it wrong!

Absolutely nowhere to be found, the liar, the believer, the guilty or the wrong......never there!

Thank you


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