Hello dear Richard!
There is resistance. I have been very, very tired and don't want to do much of anything at all. There has been a lot of avoidance behavior related to this work - finding ways to be distracted.
And what is being protected here? Ask the resistance what it is resisting, the avoidance what it is avoiding. LOOK the fear in the face and ask it what it's protecting.
There is no self to protect. None that needs protection.
what comes up appears to be a dual fear of completing the work and not being able to complete it.
Um. You don't get a choice. Completion or non-completion simply happens. There is no 'you' to complete it at all.
On the completion side, what's next. I do know logically, carry water, chop wood. Get it, but perhaps invested in striving for a goal instead of actually reaching it?
Actually, carrying water, chopping wood happen without any you at all to do
them. And yes, sometimes investment in seeking is an obstacle to finding. If one has been a seeker for 30 or 40 years, what does one do
when there is nothing more to seek?
We have aftercare groups where liberated can discuss their experiences, ask questions, annoy each other... Many find that while there is no seeking, deepening or integration seem to occur.
On the flip side, there is this fear that I won't 'get it'. I will be the first person in the history of liberationunleashed.com to not get it.
No one gets it. Ever. There is no 'you' to get it. Don't look at my finger; look at the moon the finger is pointing to!!
In The Work terms, who are you without the reliance on separation to tell you who you are? Are you Okay with that?
Still working on an answer.
Don't work on it; let the answer come. It's there.
The obstacle is uncertainty. I simply don't know where 'I' am. (I realize what I just wrote... ; )
Sweetheart. There is no you anywhere at all. None. Now you know
where "I" is—Nowhere. Look.
Look, point, touch, locate the "I"—it's nowhere. How? It's only a thought. A label. I, me, mine, are merely linguistic conventions; they have no content in reality.
There is no Richard separate from reality; and yet there is not 1000% clarity/certainly of this.
That is because you have not yet directly experienced it. New exercise: check if there is a 'running commentary' apparently in the mind while real life is being experienced. Is there languaging happening describing what is being experienced? A play-by-play commentary, heard in the mind? If so, describe it in detail. If not, describe in detail how Richard "knows" what is happening "to him".
I know there is a binary state: seeing through the illusion of a separate self, or not.
Oh yeah? How do you know
that? Do you think seeing through the illusion is on a switch? Sorry. What other knowledge or expectations are you bringing to obscure seeing this?
There is mental understanding that there is no self at all; you have that. Now you need to stop Thinking about LOOKing and actually LOOK. Look with the eyes in your head. Searching for self has turned up nothing. Why? because self is a fiction, same as Batman or Santa.
If I asked you to look for Batman or Santa, you wouldn't bother; you know they are fiction, imaginary. Same with self. And when you SEE it, you will know it for always, same as with Batman or Santa. You don't believe in Santa, then disbelieve, and then believe again.
The experience at the moment appears like living in neither.
Experience doesn't "appear" like anything. Experience is the sensations as they happen. The "appearance" that sensation is like something or other is Thought. Really. Check it!
You're thinking about something; now switch your focus to looking at and feeling your feet. Feel intensely the sensations of your feet where they are, whether on a floor or couch or footstool. Can you feel where your feet end and your shoes or socks begin? While you were checking, was any thought happening at all? Check it.
"When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains—however improbable—must be the truth." ~ Sir Arthur Conan Doyle