Grateful for any help

[Elad]

Okay, all sounds clear here.

Are there any expectations that seeing through the separate self should lead to something else then this clarity?

To what?

What are the expectations about a shift? What should it change, make better, for "who"/what?

Can you say more what has been the effect if any of the inquiry we have done together?

[SharMen]

Hi Elad,

What are the expectations about a shift? What should it change, make better, for "who"/what?

Nothing is made better. what is happening is what is happening. There is no “who” that has a need for better.

Can you say more what has been the effect if any of the inquiry we have done together?

Upon looking, there seems to be preferences such as not liking sardines. But not preferences for what is happening or going to happen. Do I prefer to not be stuck in traffic? It is what is happening. There is no other. Do I prefer that dtr not go to jail? Do I prefer that dtr stop drinking? Life is happening.
This is what is different. Previously there was almost constant needing to figure out how to fix or change things, as if “I” had some control/responsibility over any of it. Or that “I” knew what was best. Looking at beliefs was very helpful with this.

Thanks Elad!
🙏❤️
Sharon

[Elad]

Thank you Sharon,

I resonate with the way Thich Nhat Hanh speaks to the relationship of awakening and suffering, including suffering of others:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOg_AbfanSI

Sharon, we started working after you had worked with Paul. He felt it made sense to end this process earlier, but some of us felt it made sense to inquire more.

For the ungoing learning and unlearning of us guides also, can you say more about what is different between now and when you ended working with James? And what is the same? From "my perspective" blind spots and learning is never ending, so this is learning for me also...

[SharMen]

For the ungoing learning and unlearning of us guides also, can you say more about what is different between now and when you ended working with James? And what is the same? From "my perspective" blind spots and learning is never ending, so this is learning for me also...

Hi Elad, I read your response soon after you had sent it but it has taken several days to respond bc my initial reaction warranted some deep looking. My reaction was a feeling of hesitation and resistance. I inquired over the next 2 days asking what is here that wants to be seen? I was driving to work, at a stoplight and it was seen, I cried and the feeling passed. What was seen/felt was a memory/feeling from when I was married. My ex would always try to get me to explain more (which I always interpreted as me needing to justify my thoughts, feelings and experiences). Reading your question triggered a sense of needing to justify.
After allowing the feeling and being aware of why this was triggered, I re-read the question today and I laughed bc I don’t see your question asking me to justify anything! It was just the mind’s interpretation the first time I read it.
Thoughts are constantly labeling and commenting and interpreting and often (most of time?) the thoughts are wrong. BUT… seeing it helped clear something.

What I understand of your question is that you are curious about what is different between when James and I felt I had seen through self and now again when there is acknowledgment of seeing through self.
The short answer is I don’t know. But I will say that what is different is there is no longer doubt which was there before with James. I even remember writing to him that there was some doubt. Then a few weeks later my dtr was arrested and then her mental health crisis. Looking back, this experience showed there was still a lot of beliefs and identification with role as mom. This allowed for continued looking and working with beliefs which was done almost daily.
Then something else was shown, having to do with the body. After the 2 hurricanes,I suffered for several weeks with pain from a herniated disc. It was nonstop and there was strong attachment to thoughts about the pain (labels about “excruciating, relentless..”) and the body. Again, a lot of looking and inquiry about location of pain, location of sensation and beliefs about the body.
Was there clear seeing about no self months ago when communicating with James? Possibly but with more unraveling to occur later, which life presented. ??
Or not - the unraveling had to occur first. ??
There might have been doubt because of the pain and suffering I was feeling. I just watched the Thich Nhat Hanh video you sent. Thank you for sharing that. It brought up feelings. Not sure what. Feeling in the heart and tears.
There was pain and suffering over the last 4 months. Thinking back, it seems I was attached to the thoughts about the pain and suffering. There were beliefs that there was something that needed to be done to get rid of them. There is no longer this belief. It is clear that there is no Sharon identity, no mom identity. Nothing to be done bc no one to do it. Life is happening, “pain” will be here. Feelings of sadness, fear will arise. Nothing to be done but acknowledge.

Last night, my son, who was home from college for the day said “mom what is wrong with you? Why are you acting like you don’t care about anything?” We had a lot going on that day, actually all week, some of it ”stressful”. I laughed and tried to explain (to someone who has no idea what I’m talking about) that it wasn’t that I didn’t care, it was just that I know I have zero control over anything that is happening or is going to happen so I’m just chill.

There is no expectation that I will always be chill and relaxed. Yesterday the nervous system was ramped up bc of driving to a meeting and traffic was bad. The meeting was with dtr's attorney about her court case. The body was reacting. The feeling was not calm and peace lol. The feelings were there, there was not a story about it. Thoughts appeared “it’s getting late!” "what if it is "bad" news?" ok. Life is happening.

This has been a lot of thinking and trying to explain. Hopefully it helped and I am ok with more questions as maybe more learning for “me” as well. But if no more questions, that is ok too.
❤️
Sharon

[Elad]

Hi Sharon, what a beautiful and sincere sharing, thank you! I wish for you that you will always keep this respect for your reactions and look/feel and inquire and learn, as you did here.

If it feels okay with you, I would like to suggest for you to answer the check-point questions again at this point. Answer them freshly, let it be a new opportunity to look/feel/see, discover and express. Take all the time you want.

Here they are:



1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?



2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.



3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past couple of days.



4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look; as in what was a moment of shift if any? Was there a moment where doubt was resolved? How/when?



5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.



6) What makes things happen? How does it work?



7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.



8) Anything to add?

[SharMen]

Hi Elad, I hope all is well for you and your family.
I have not looked at my previous responses to these questions. There is struggle putting into words what is felt. There was a lot of sitting and waiting for words to be typed then deleting sentences that didn't really describe. I just kept it simple in the end.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is no Sharon identity. There never was.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The separate self illusion was created at a very young age by family referring to someone called Sharon. Thoughts upon thoughts created this belief of an individual that has control over “her” life. All thoughts reference this illusory self. There was a great shock 20 years ago when Power of Now showed me that I am not my thoughts. That was beginning of seeing through the illusion.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past couple of days.

There is a lot less reaction because as things arise – emotions, experiences, sensations… there is not a need to do something or fix anything.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look; as in what was a moment of shift if any? Was there a moment where doubt was resolved? How/when?

There were so many things really over many many years. It has all played out as it should. At the retreat there was a big a-ha when clearly seeing that doubt is a thought.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.

The illusory self believes that he/she is deciding what to do next and believes there is a sense of control over what is going to happen. Things happen because that is the flow of life. Thinking/believing there is a someone who has control only creates suffering. There is more freedom in allowing. There is a curiosity about what will happen next.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

Life just happens. There is no plan, no destiny. Life unfolds according to this moment. There is no other options except what is happening now. Thoughts appear, sensations are felt, words are spoken, action is taken. People believe they are thinking about doing something then get up to do it but the getting up just happens. Thoughts appear that create a sense of doership. The doing just happens.

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

There is no Sharon to be responsible for anything. Things will get done but it is not because Sharon made it happen.

8) Anything to add?

There is a thought that there is more to learn (or unlearn). Feelings will still arise, identification will surface then go away, then arise again. Beliefs to be seen. Resistance to what is in this moment based on patterns of thought/nervous system responses. Previously I thought it all went away when the illusion is seen through. Life is constantly giving me opportunities to get clear. There are opportunities for deep looking into what is here. Not sure I am communicating this clearly. There is nothing to do or nothing more that needs to be done, no where to go, no future to get to but things are still happening/showing up and there is curiosity about it all.

[Elad]

Hi Sharon, I certainly know no one personally where discovery, learning and unlearning, doesn't continue, including on the level of practical and psychological human life, so resonating with your sentiments in the last paragraph.

Is there any sense of needing and wanting more help with regards to seeing through the belief in the separate self/controller/experiencer?

[SharMen]

Hi Elad,

Is there any sense of needing and wanting more help with regards to seeing through the belief in the separate self/controller/experiencer?

No sense of needing help with seeing through self. If fact, I've noticed that a lot of the YT videos I would be interested in watching, are no longer of interest.
I have felt a pull towards the fetters and am working on 4/5. Both have been helpful. Especially with a situation that occurred last night. Emergency services were called for my dtr due to a drinking binge. She was passed out and convulsing according to someone with her. She was only 5 miles away but it took me over an hour to get there bc of a festival occurring and streets were closed and traffic was not moving. The entire time there was calmness. There were thoughts "this could happen... " OK. or "that could happen.." ok. We'll see what happens but a knowing that it would always be ok. Even the thought that she could die. Yes she could, was the thought response and there was just a sadness but a knowing there was nothing to do about what is occurring in this moment. this is such a drastic difference from the responses and reactions from the previous 5 years when this I felt such a responsibility to fix, take care and respond with anger for how it was all effecting "me".
I did get angry at one point in traffic where I honked and yelled at another driver. I looked at it this morning while doing 5th fetter looking and I could see it had nothing to do with the other driver. I was angry at myself. The words that were said to the other driver were really meant for me.
There is no anger at dtr. Only compassion and a bit of sadness that arises. (she was evaluated and they did not take her to hospital. she is fine)

Thank you Elad for all your wonderful guidance.
❤️
Sharon

[Elad]

Wow, feels like a situation that could naturally be charged with strong feelings! Happy you had such equanimity within it all! Lovely response Sharon. I will now share your answers with other guides, to see if they might have thoughts on something that could be further clarified. In any case, also after we finish here for now, you can write here again in the future, if you wanna share and have support. I will get back with responses from other guides soon.

[Elad]

Wow, feels like a situation that could naturally be charged with strong feelings! Happy you had such equanimity within it all! Lovely response Sharon. I will now share your answers with other guides, to see if they might have thoughts on something that could be further clarified. In any case, also after we finish here for now, you can write here again in the future, if you wanna share and have support. I will get back with responses from other guides soon.

Dear Sharon, four other guides looked and only appreciation to express and no questions. Meaning, we can land here for now.

You can always write on this thread again with questions, and also you can write me on eladexplore1111@gmail.com

Also, maybe at some point you will feel like guiding, "passing it on". If that happens, you can also write me about that.

Thank you for the sincerity, openness and heartfulness, it has been an honor to work with you. And until next time 🤍

[SharMen]

Hi Elad! After our last correspondence I had not given any thought to LU. Then this a.m. I woke and went right to my emails and responded to the LU Aftercare messages and joined the FB group. It all just happened. I want to share my deep appreciation for your help and guidance and taking over after James left. LU is such a wonderful organization and I'm grateful to have been a part of it.
❤️❤️
Sharon

[Elad]

Hi Elad! After our last correspondence I had not given any thought to LU. Then this a.m. I woke and went right to my emails and responded to the LU Aftercare messages and joined the FB group. It all just happened. I want to share my deep appreciation for your help and guidance and taking over after James left. LU is such a wonderful organization and I'm grateful to have been a part of it.
❤️❤️
Sharon

Beautiful Sharon, it has been a joy to walk with you. Feel free to write here anytime if you wanna share or ask. Or write to eladexplore@gmail.com.