I have always said I wanted this (to see no "self", get through the gate, etc.). What I noticed today is that I ("I"?) don't want it. Note: this doesn't mean I'm stopping the looking at all, or that I don't want to do this process with you anymore. It just means that there seems to me to be a big "I" part of me that doesn't want to find out the truth. I have to look at this.
There's a fear of ceasing to exist, like a fear of not even continuing to breath if I let go or whatever, like the body will just stop being and doing. I know this won't happen because the body breaths, etc. on it's own with no one controlling it but I think there's a fear of it happening.
The fear is a natural response to the threatening thought. Let it come, dont push it away. Its there to protect you? In reality, though, is there a you to protect? Can this thought of "ceasing to exist" do anything to you? Will you cease to exist if you see through the lie of self?
Cow and a calf: The cow doesn't decide to let the milk out when the calf puts it's mouth on the udder. The muscles in the calf's mouth working on the udder make the milk come out.
Do you decide to let the thoughts and emotions out? Or do they happen in response to stuff? This is a good analogy, and its good to look at nature and see how stuff happens, seemingly without any selves doing it( do cows, dogs, spiders, fleas, amoebas have selves?)
Thinking of analogies is ok, but better is looking and seeing if the analogies are true. So look at how things happen in your life.
Dont think of a banana. Did you think of a banana? Why do you think it happened? Was there a you anywhere in the process?
Close your eyes and listen to a sound. In that sound, is there a you anywhere? There may be thoughts floating about of "I heard that " or " lovely sound " or whatever, but in the actual hearing of the sound, is there a you?
Okay, the above is probably just waste of time stories.
I agree that theres a few stories there,some hypotheticals and analogies. It seems like you are still trying to arrive at an answer by thinking about things, rather than looking. But theres some good stuff too. It appears that you are investigating deeper, looking at what is true and what isnt. Question everything.
Keep looking !!! Stop thinking !!!!