And"whatever you’re experiencing is that. Ah! This is how God is appearing to me now."
The shifts in seeing that I had in doing these meditations are subtle, but they're there. There's a more felt sense of perception and the perceived as inseparable. And from the Zooming in on Death/Peace meditations, a stronger felt sense of the infinity of being, Usually when I'm accessing that (or trying to!), it involves a letting go of self and ... Holy Shit. Again! OK, I just saw that differently, but can't say how. So normally I would visualise emptiness and generate as the Buddha, so like Steph is gone, like Steph has to be gone for there to be an infinite. But doing the Zooming in on Peace it was more like Steph's still here and the infinite is here as well and that's OK. What were those words I just quoted?"we use this definition of God as everything that exists. And this knowing that the only thing we can know is our experience. So you add one and one together and we get this two that is really less than one that sounds like “this is how God is appearing to me now.”
But as I was just writing then, it appeared like yeah, Steph and the infinite are here because we're inseparable, because there is no separate Steph, just all the stuff that's labelled Steph, - appearances of form, feeling, discrimination, etc., and that stuff is an inseparable part of everything. It's not quite clear, but it's clearer than it was."this two that is really less than one"
Whatever we can experience. God is everything. One and one together. This experience, this thought, this sound, whatever it is, that’s just how God is showing up in this moment.
that is how God is showing up at this moment, as the One who experiences, as well as the experience.
This is what I wrote when I was doing the 'tracking back past where the 'I' arises':Nothing special. Of course, that means everything is special.
Shit! The awareness that I-ness arises in is beginningless and is deathless. Holy shit!!! This be-ing, this awareness, is already the deathless! ‘Wide open is the door of the deathless.’ It goes back before this life and continuous to the next. In fact, it doesn’t go anywhere. There is nowhere to go. (The same as with time.) It just is. It has no beginning or end. No size in space. The is no place that it is or isn’t. Though it feels more like it is!! But how can it be anything, when its only quality is emptiness and awareness?
Gong: ‘… but you can’t kill me…’
What else. OMG the Beginning Thinking stuff! Realising clearer than ever that everything is passing away even as we become aware of it, like a car that we don't see until it's already passed us! The fleetingness and transience of everything. I love how this (and loads of Dharma) stuff matches up with quantum physics. Everything appearing and disappearing constantly. Nothing remaining for more than the most fleeting glimpse.
And the Zooming in on death. I wrote:
What a relief! No more having to be ‘me’. What a release, what a relief! What freedom! To no longer be tied to this body! So why do I care about it now! Just let go of attachment to it. Let go of identifying with it!
Clearly, I am very excited by all of this. And still have more of it to work through.
I'm aware there is still a Steph in all that writing! And when I read over what I've written, it doesn't look like anything new. But I know it at a deeper level.
Again, my deep appreciation and gratitude for all you are sharing. This way of working is such a good fit for me. For years I've had a bunch of practices that I've promised to do every day, and I'm hopeless at that! It creates almost as much guilt as it does benefit. This really direct stuff is amazing.
Thank you xxx