This is the End

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Eric4792
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This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Sat Jul 24, 2021 11:24 am

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
All is emptiness, all is Maya, emptiness appearing as form. The closer I look at that which I call my self, I realize that there is no substance, nothing tangible, nothing permanent to grasp onto. All is fleeting, changing, like a river, never the same one twice. And yet, one always is the riverbed, the eternal unchanged. But the self can't know it

What are you looking for at LU?
Guidance to let go of my seeking. To clearly see through the illusion of self so that there is no turning back. I want to cease all wanting, to allow the flow, the background to be realized as always the foreground, as always everything. The illusion of self keeps me feeling anxious about the future, depressed about the past, and drunk on stories of the ego. It also is a loop of escapism, of avoidance, trying to get to the next better state. But it is always fleeting. I want to let this cycle go. I humbly seek guidance.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Someone pointing out where I am attached to story, where I am identified with self. I expect that I will learn a lot, that I may or may not come away with realization, that there is no correlation between receiving guidance and the self falling away. I expect to be told that my anxiety and depression are things attached to stories that don't exist. I don't really know what to expect, all told.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I grew up as a spiritual seeker, sometimes practicing meditation. I found UG Krishnamurti and began to let go of my spiritual beliefs and practices. I found nonduality and I started to understand the illusion of self and separation, but I made it into a concept to excite and entertain me. I found no real change. I am here still an anxious person with some hope that I will succeed, but a lot of fear that it may require many more years of suffering as the self.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

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Luchana
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Re: This is the End

Postby Luchana » Thu Jul 29, 2021 12:28 pm

Hi Eric :-)

I've just sent you an email.

Much love
Luchana
Look. There is no you dreaming.

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Eric4792
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Re: This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Tue Aug 03, 2021 6:24 pm

Hi to whoever may read this,

I have had some sessions with Luchana and Lubo. <3

As I sit here writing this, there is the sense of a black hole at the center of these limbs. It is a bit unsettling, but it is also perfect. Everything is perfect and complete. Everything is the ocean of love, a formless All that is infinitely hugging itself...

These are just words without meaning. There is no interpreting or describing what is. They occur for no reason, from no one. They are automatic. Why do they happen? I have no idea. But they do.

Life is an infinite wellspring bubbling forth newness right here, right now. Right Here, Right Now.

I don't know what will happen in the future, because there is no future, only right now.

Only right now. Right now.

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Eric4792
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Re: This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Wed Aug 04, 2021 10:43 am

I find that I come in and out (mostly in) of this sense of "me." I have glimpses, I think, where I feel an unchanging, empty space that expands infinitely in all directions (these are just words), and then I find that my attention is absorbed in the cycle of seeking, of non-acceptance of What Is, of a turning away, of escapist activity.

When it occurs to me, I let go.

At this moment it is a continual forgetting and remembering to let go.

I am here with this process, yet I do post here seeking guidance. There is no self here, so there is nothing to do. Still, the self does not want to feel alone, or without direction.

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Eric4792
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Re: This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Wed Aug 04, 2021 10:59 am

It is hopeless. Getting It, obtaining It, being It, abiding in It. It is never seen by the self. It is the Self, the Infinite. It is empty. There is no It.

This is disappointing to the self. The self really wants to get It! What can it do to get It? The self, too, is empty. The self, too, does not exist. The self has no solidity or center with which it may apprehend and change What Is. There is no free will.

All feelings, feelings of depression, anxiety, boredom, loneliness are stories of and for the self. The self does not know what to do with these stories. The self has no free will to erase these stories.

The self wants to cease existing as itself. The self struggles to understand that it cannot do anything.

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Luchana
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Re: This is the End

Postby Luchana » Wed Aug 04, 2021 1:49 pm

Hi Eric,

thank you for your beuatiful expression and observation.

Untill our next meeting you can explore this:
I find that I come in and out (mostly in) of this sense of "me."
Look what is it precisely that can come in and out?
Is there something solid, fixed?
Is there something REAL, beside of a thought about something?
Is there a "you" who make this sense of separateness, this sense of "me"


Much love to you
Luchana
Look. There is no you dreaming.

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Eric4792
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Re: This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Wed Aug 04, 2021 5:15 pm

Luchana,
Look what is it precisely that can come in and out?
Is there something solid, fixed?
Is there something REAL, beside of a thought about something?
Is there a "you" who make this sense of separateness, this sense of "me"
Thank you for this. I will ponder it until our next meeting.

With love,

Eric

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Eric4792
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Re: This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Thu Aug 05, 2021 6:29 pm

The self cannot do anything, because there is no self here, only a collection of sensations that, in retrospect, are labeled "me." Everything is happening automatically in a chain of cause and effect. Every action is labeled a decision, carried out by the me.

I sense no ability to change things here. It is simply happening, changing by itself. And I am a part of that dynamic process, being changed, being lived by life.

Do I know this? I can't know anything. There is the sensation of knowing but it is only a sensation. Overall, there is the sense that information pops up out of nothing, for no one. Thoughts are mere phenomena arising, not conceived by a thinker.

All these things, thoughts, sensations, are arising in emptiness, for nothing and no one.

Still I feel a half-way realization. I do not feel I have free will, and that life is simply happening. But I still want my experience to be different. I want there to be more pleasant sensations to experience for the apparent me.

So what is happening? Nothing, nothing is happening. There is no waiting for a future happening because the future does not exist... So I am here and newness is constantly arising, I never know what is going to happen or what I will do.

I desire a profound sense of realization for all of this, but it feels very ordinary, like "Yes, I see nothing here, so what?"

I also cannot tell if I am having "legitimate" experiences or if I am being tricked by the mind.

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Eric4792
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Re: This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Fri Aug 20, 2021 5:59 pm

I continue to feel that I am having glimpses in video sessions with Luchana and Lubo. It is seen that all is happening by itself, with no me to be found here. I cannot find a me. All I find is a collection of feelings that I do not want, that are not pleasurable. This is what I can call "the me." Nothing else remains.

What is also present is a sense of waiting -- waiting for the feelings to drop away, even though I know they will not, because there is already nothing happening for no one.

I feel that I understand, though this cannot be understood. So I am just watching my experience, noticing what is present, believing that I have no choice in what is or isn't noticed anyway.

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Luchana
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Re: This is the End

Postby Luchana » Tue Aug 24, 2021 11:47 am

Hi Eric,
I continue to feel that I am having glimpses in video sessions with Luchana and Lubo. It is seen that all is happening by itself, with no me to be found here. I cannot find a me. All I find is a collection of feelings that I do not want, that are not pleasurable. This is what I can call "the me." Nothing else remains.
Thanks for sharing. Yes, glimples are wonderful, but let's see what is here now at this moment?

Is there something SOLID, something REAL besides a thought about something?

What is also present is a sense of waiting -- waiting for the feelings to drop away, even though I know they will not, because there is already nothing happening for no one.

Who or what is having the sense of waiting?
Does the feeling belongs to someone?

I feel that I understand, though this cannot be understood. So I am just watching my experience, noticing what is present, believing that I have no choice in what is or isn't noticed anyway.
There is a difference between believing and seeing that there is no choice.

Seeing at your own experience, Let's make a simple exercise before our next meeting.

Take two objects/possibilities, of which you might ordinarily choose either e.g., coffee or tea, blue pen or black pen, salt and pepper, then sit and see if you can find the choice-point where you could go either way. Describe how choosing happens.
Watch like a hawk.

Take your time and inquire into the seeming choice as many time as it's possible during the day.

Much love
Luchana
Look. There is no you dreaming.

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Eric4792
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Re: This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Mon Aug 30, 2021 8:02 pm

Hi Luchana,

I tried your suggestion:
Take two objects/possibilities, of which you might ordinarily choose either e.g., coffee or tea, blue pen or black pen, salt and pepper, then sit and see if you can find the choice-point where you could go either way. Describe how choosing happens.
Watch like a hawk.
The closer I look at choosing, I see that there is a stronger resonance with one over the other. Why it is there, I can't say. It just is. If I wait and watch, the resonance seems to equalize and I don't as much mind which I will choose, but ultimately there is the one choice I must make, for no one. It's just a choice happening.

At this stage of my inquiry, I feel like giving up the question "how can I drop the me?" But I see that I have no choice in whether I give up this question, it just happens.

I feel a desire to avoid certain experiences over others. This tells me that the me has not fallen away.

I listen to Tony Parsons and the like for hours each day, and I resonate with the message. Still, I am an anxious, doubting person.

I see that being an anxious person is just what's happening, and it has no meaning.

I don't presently feel a desire to change this, as I understand that the me falling away does not erase the experience of emotions. So it just is what it is.

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Lubo
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Re: This is the End

Postby Lubo » Fri Sep 03, 2021 7:23 am

Hi Eric,
"how can I drop the me?"
What is "the me" that needs to be dropped made of?

Much love
lubo

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Eric4792
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Re: This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Sat Sep 25, 2021 4:41 pm

What is "the me" that needs to be dropped made of?
Nothing!! :-)

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Luchana
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Re: This is the End

Postby Luchana » Mon Sep 27, 2021 9:48 am

Hi Eric,
What is "the me" that needs to be dropped made of?
Nothing!! :-)
All right:-)

Is this an intellectual knowing, or deep experiential recognition?


Can you say with 100% certainty that there has been a shift from an intellectual understanding of there being no separate self to an experiential recognition of it being a fact?

How does the shift itself felt?

Can you point to the exact moment of the shift?


Much love,
Luchana
Look. There is no you dreaming.

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Eric4792
Posts: 18
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Re: This is the End

Postby Eric4792 » Mon Sep 27, 2021 5:38 pm

Is this an intellectual knowing, or deep experiential recognition?


Can you say with 100% certainty that there has been a shift from an intellectual understanding of there being no separate self to an experiential recognition of it being a fact?

How does the shift itself felt?

Can you point to the exact moment of the shift?

I have looked for the me and found only this. I cannot find a me in this.

There were apparent glimpses but no apparent "big shift." There were moments of fear of sadness when I felt the emptiness of the me, the emptiness of the story. There were moments when I realized that the me had been gone for a while and then came back. Now, the question "How do I drop the me?" doesn't matter anymore. That question is this too.

With love,

Eric


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