Painful repetitive thought patterns

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vinceschubert
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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby vinceschubert » Mon Sep 06, 2021 10:36 pm

I’m offering you a get out
No way!
Do you think that i'm only doing this for you? There is much benefit and pleasure for vince in doing this. It keeps the journey of discovery alive and up front.
Now get this.. there is no end point for this 'journey'. When we reach a certain 'point', you will fly off on your own. Maybe you will pay it forward and help others through this seeking stage. If you do, you will discover how it helps to further Helen towards Buddhahood. (or something)
That "certain point" maybe close or far away. i don't focus on it. i don't even experience patience, as i'm not waiting for something. Oh, i do wait for your posts, and experience some pleasure when i see one.
I really don’t think I will ever get this.
The only reason that you won't is if you quit. ..and even then, i like to think that life-ing will be easier for you than it was when you decided to do something about it.
I am stuck in ‘this can’t be,
i do get what you are saying, but that's actually impossible in a literal sense. Everything is always changing. If it seems the same it's because you aren't looking close enough.
It can take a while to integrate what you saw with the cup exercise. For Helen to start experiencing that all she is, is the experiencing that is currently happening.
When that experiencing has unpleasant components, you will (eventually) willingly surrender to it, knowing that it's the quickest way out of it. (think of the song "Whatever will be will be")
Knowing that any resistance to it will only make it worse. Then in the midst of turmoil, you will experience peace.
I have given all this time
Haha. Consider the phrase "spent time". You say "given time". Well, i guess that you have yet to experience the totality of NOW. ..but you probably have. Have you ever experiences something so beautiful that it absorbed your total attention? That for a moment there was no thought of it ending? There was just THIS?
look where it’s got me’
i understand doubt and a sense of failure. i have (vague) memories, although they seem to have happened to another Vince now. They will pass.
I just don’t know what to say
You've said it well. Ha, i just realized that what i said about being totally in the NOW, you have experience with this expression of hopelessness. For a moment you were so completely involved in it. You were the experiencing. Can you grok this ?
I feel guilty for taking up your time.
Does this feeling come from a story? (laugh if you see it)

with love

vince

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Connolly
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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby Connolly » Tue Sep 07, 2021 11:53 pm

Hello Vince e.
Again I am left with a surge of wonderment, gratefulness and immense surprise at your words.y

Do you think that i'm only doing this for you? There is much benefit and pleasure for vince in doing this. It keeps the journey of discovery alive and up front.

Exquisite. Warms my heart.
Maybe you will pay it forward and help others through this seeking stage. If you do, you will discover how it helps to further Helen towards Buddhahood. (or something)
It is all I have longed for for many years.
Oh, i do wait for your posts, and experience some pleasure when i see one.
Your words do feel like this is your passion as it is mine.
When that experiencing has unpleasant components, you will (eventually) willingly surrender to it, knowing that it's the quickest way out of it. (think of the song "Whatever will be will be")
Yes I can understand that surrendering to what is without labels is the gateway to peace. Resistance feels strong about a lot of things. The…no that can’t happen, I shouldn’t…they shouldn’t. I try to see these thoughts as not true and that my judgements come from the ego..
You say "given time". Well, i guess that you have yet to experience the totality of NOW. ..but you probably have. Have you ever experiences something so beautiful that it absorbed your total attention? That for a moment there was no thought of it ending? There was just THIS?
Of course. I have given time can’t be true if there is no timeline so no I haven’t experienced the totality of now but in answer to your question, yes I have had many instances of sheer beauty of looking deep into my dogs eyes, the velvet redness of poppies, the delicacy of dangling dewdrops, reflections in water, smell of damp earth, the taste of fresh water, the touch of my grandsons skin, the sound of his uncontrollable laughter, the Fibonacci pattern in a shell…. Complete absorption. These are the precious moments.
Y
ou've said it well. Ha, i just realized that what i said about being totally in the NOW, you have experience with this expression of hopelessness. For a moment you were so completely involved in it. You were the experiencing. Can you grok this ?
Actually yes I did feel in a sense of… I just give up…I felt, for an instant a sort of…phew….and a falling back. Again when you show me instances like these which generally go unnoticed that I can feel a deeper understanding of these ignored moments..
Does this feeling come from a story? (laugh if you see it)
Guilt. An overused word in my life. Used wrongly am sure at times. I will look at this. Hoe er I don’t get how I could laughter at this as the guilty thing took over.
Also please could you show me the cup excessive again.

I am grateful
Love helen.

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vinceschubert
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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby vinceschubert » Wed Sep 08, 2021 2:58 pm

Good evening Helen,
Your words do feel like this is your passion
Yes it is, but i have to say that i have lots of passions. (maybe obsessive is more accurate)
I try to see these thoughts as not true and that my judgments come from the ego..
Ok, that's a good sentiment, but misguided. This is the resistance that strengthens the very things you are trying to end. Firstly "trying". That says that you are going to put effort into it, but not succeed. It was only an attempt. Then there is the judgment about ego. We aren't trying to kill ego here. We are going to use it.
Use it in a more adaptive way. Ego is the story of Helen, but we often used to point to that part of the story that wants aggrandizement. There's an old saying that the mind (ego) makes a good servant, but a poor master.
no I haven’t experienced the totality of now but in answer to your question, yes I have had many instances of sheer beauty of looking deep into my dogs eyes, the velvet redness of poppies, the delicacy of dangling dewdrops, reflections in water, smell of damp earth, the taste of fresh water, the touch of my grandsons skin, the sound of his uncontrollable laughter, the Fibonacci pattern in a shell…. Complete absorption.
Your statement is an oxymoron. Those beautiful instances you mention were timeless experiences of NOW.
You are only noticing the red lights and not all of the green ones that you encountered.
My heart swelled as i read of them. This is a daily happening here. Amazing how a leaf of grass can almost bring tears of joy.
These are the precious moments.
They are definitely lovely happenings, but here they are happen so frequently that they seem ordinary - not ordinary, usual.
I don’t get how I could laugh at this as the guilty thing took over.
i'm not asking you to laugh at the guilt, but at the recognition that you were living out a story.
Also please could you show me the cup exercise again
sure.
Take a cup and place it in front of you.
Start looking at it and notice thoughts labeling what you see.
Consider the process of looking.
Consider the process of seeing.
Watch thoughts as you consider who is seeing. Notice what happens to seeing as you consider a this. Did the seeing stop?
Go back to simply watching thoughts as you look at the cup.
After a while of watching thoughts, they will get bored and slow down. Now look for spaces between thoughts.
Focus on seeing in the spaces. They may be milliseconds, but notice them.
There will be no labeling. ..and anyway, the colors, the textures, the shapes, etc will be too subtle, too complex to be accurately described.
As this seeing is happening, ask yourself can there be a seer or a seen without the seeing stopping.
Is there only seeing?
When you finish seeing, do you then see the cup as a story. A cup that has uses and takes up space, and need washing after use?
..but we aren't actually seeing it anymore. We look at it but recognize a vessel to contain something. The details have vanished leaving an impression.

with love

vince

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby Connolly » Wed Sep 08, 2021 5:20 pm

Hi Vince
A couple of questions on guilt and ego.
I try to see these thoughts as not true and that my judgments come from the ego..
Ok, that's a good sentiment, but misguided. This is the resistance that strengthens the very things you are trying to end. Firstly "trying". That says that you are going to put effort into it, but not succeed. It was only an attempt. Then there is the judgment about ego. We aren't trying to kill ego here. We are going to use it.
Use it in a more adaptive way. Ego is the story of Helen, but we often used to point to that part of the story that wants aggrandizement. There's an old saying that the mind (ego) makes a good servant, but a poor master.
Yes so ego is the story of helen, and what I was pointing to was the judgements that come from it. But when I break that down that statement i am rather lazily just blaming the ego for being negative. All rather convoluted. I would agree we can’t kill it and many times I have heard this but I don’t think I have really accepted it as with a lot of what I thought I understood academically in reality I haven’t accepted it. It hangs around so I obsess about it and it gives me fodder to chew on and resolve.
Guilt. Again this has to be a story but… broken down this is saying ‘I am responsible for…it’s my fault…I am to blame’. They have been my mantras but I look back and this last couple of months I really looked to see what was involved in certain situations and realised that these stock phrases weren’t as used. So guilt feels to be my judgement on an event plus involving myself as having made that happen. Hmmmmm did the corners of my mouth twitch a little?
Cup practice ongoing with other objects!

Blessings … helen

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby vinceschubert » Thu Sep 09, 2021 2:31 pm

'evening Helen,
so ego is the story of helen, and what I was pointing to was the judgements that come from it. But when I break that down that statement i am rather lazily just blaming the ego for being negative. All rather convoluted.
Yeah, i guess it is. Like most things. Simplicity isn't real. It's just a way of looking at things on the surface.
"convoluted" though, has some sort of 'not good' implication (to me). i would say complex. Unless you are pointing to the way it points back to itself.
"blaming" is interesting. Usually when we blame we are deflecting ownership of something undesirable. So blaming ego is like you are trying to divide yourself into two parts. Perhaps a good part and a not so good part.
i actually dislike using the word ego as it means so many different things to everybody. If we have a tendency to judge then it's a conditioned response of thought. Like all other thought patterns, it is the outcome of a lifetime of experience.
Knowing that this conditioning is always changing with every experience, we can be optimistic that your experiencing here can lead to more adaptive thinking patterns. ..and a small change here leads to different experiences that compound that change.
It hangs around so I obsess about it and it gives me fodder to chew on and resolve.
Yes, i understand how pervasive it is. Instead of trying to stop it, you just, in a relaxed way, notice when that is happening. ..and fake a smile when you notice that you have noticed.
It's simple but it's hard. The really valuable thing here is that recognition that you were lost in that fodder. Not the fodder. It is those crap thought that i mentioned. Of course they have a way of seeming important, but they are just fodder. You will always, at some point, recognize that you were lost in a story. It doesn't matter even if it is days later. You will get better at it with practice.
Guilt. ... Hmmmmm did the corners of my mouth twitch a little?
A smile happened here. i love it when discoveries happen.
Cup practice ongoing with other objects!
Good stuff. Be relaxed about it. Once you get it, it is a portal into another dimension.

much love

vince

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby Connolly » Fri Sep 10, 2021 8:28 pm

Hi Vince.
I have noticed I am seeing story in many ways. I was sat doing a jigsaw when I thought ‘I bet people are dong far more interesting things this weekend’ it was sort of recognised that this is a thought of this not being right, and a gratefulness came over me. I was in the right place and it all was just so and everything is here now.
A rather lovely moment.
I was listening to the neighbours usual chit chat and it sounded strange. Noisy sounds from their own stories. It seemed unconnected somehow but it was what it was.
Some of my worries about family haven’t been as acute. At times I can understand my lack of control and just how bound up in an i that can change things for my benefit.
Hmmmm
Thank you
Blessings helen

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby vinceschubert » Sat Sep 11, 2021 2:05 pm

Hi Helen, what a wonderful post. It sounds like a corner has been turned. These moments are really significant in the beginning. (they will become more normal as the brain rewires)
it was sort of recognised that this is a thought of this not being right, and a gratefulness came over me.
Did the thought to laugh happen?
..although the gratefulness will have a similar effect. Releasing feel-good hormones that are a reward for the happening.
I was listening to the neighbours usual chit chat and it sounded strange. Noisy sounds from their own stories. It seemed unconnected somehow..
Yes, this will happen more as you start to see how peoples stories create their suffering. The disconnect from what is actual (real) can be startling at first. ..but here's an interesting point. The more we know, the more we realize that we don't know.
but it was what it was.
That was some nice acceptance. Good stuff.
Some of my worries about family haven’t been as acute.
Ah, a confirmation of turning that corner.
I can understand my lack of control a
Here come freedom...
Hmmmm
lovely..

How's the cup thing going?

with love

vince

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby Connolly » Sat Sep 11, 2021 3:44 pm

Hi Vince.
Did the thought to laugh happen?
No it’s was softer and sweeter. Sort of gentle with a smiley expansion. If that’s makes sense.
Two weeks ago I dog came into my life. A rescue centre put a call out for respite for this dog that is 10 and has inoperable cancer. We took her in despite her complications. It just sort of happened without much decision. Strangely she is taking my mind off family and has come at exactly the perfect time.
I am having strange dreams of houses that are haunted and I can’t go into parts of them. I get a lot of house dreams when there seems to be a dropping in of understanding usually rooms in attics. I am confronted with having to have a health screen after having been cured of kidney cancer but I have been getting symptoms again.
I have known I have many beliefs around illness as my mother was a nurse and would either overly sympathise or ignore.
I have been watching my thoughts around the symptoms and story. Interesting just how much future is in them when in realty there is just bodily sensations.
The cup exercise is being applied to things that have uses. I look at the canopy outside which only consists of shapes and colour until thought gives labels and its use. This links into sketching … a flat plane of shape and colour. I am reminded of Vincent Van Gogh chair painting. When I saw the original it seemed otherwordly and ethereal depicting more than an object.
Hold on as I am typing I realised that I am conceptualising seeing. Rather that as you suggest about considering the PROCESS
Oooops. I will report back!!
Love helen

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby vinceschubert » Sun Sep 12, 2021 2:14 pm

Good evening Helen,
No it’s was softer and sweeter. Sort of gentle with a smiley expansion. If that makes sense.
Yes, it makes good sense. ..and it's probable even better than a laugh. It was a lovely statement of recognition, and that's what counts. Good stuff.
a dog came into my life.
Ah yes. We are on our seventh dog in our family. Bonding with a dog, the connection is really close and healthy. A really big thing with then is that they take the focus outside of your 'self'. Giving you a much wider perspective. Reframing your existence.
I am having strange dreams of houses that are haunted and I can’t go into parts of them.
The first thing that came to mind here is that these dreams are an analogy for your psyche. The parts of your mind that you can't let yourself see (yet) because they might be too painful.
This is because you still identify with the Helen story somewhat. No hurry. You might even reach a point where you are contented to leave them as a mystery. They don't actually need to be seen, although that does make a cleaner kill.
I am confronted with having to have a health screen after having been cured of kidney cancer but I have been getting symptoms again.
As a bowel cancer survivor, i can imagine how this might bring up fear for you. As a guide, i say that the only thing you can do is use this on your journey. How might you do that?
Let me tell you a story.
Vince had just had his ascending colon removed and had been going through chemotherapy for 5 month (of a 6 month course)
He was profoundly depressed from the chemo. He vomited when driving past the turnoff to the hospital where the chemo was administered. At a consult with the oncologist, he asked what would happen if he didn't have the last month treatment, and was blown away at the answer. "Oh, there will be a 1% greater chance that the cancer will return.
This flipped a switch for him. At that point he ceased to be a victim and took a different attitude. Pulled the plug on chemo, but the oncologist said "but we want you to have a colonoscopy as you haven't had one yet.
Well the results came back with a sickening thud. "you are riddled with polyps and we want to remove the rest of you bowel."
The sickening sensation lasted for seconds. i asked to have another colonoscopy in 6 weeks with the intention of doing something about the for myself. They booked me in for another scan in 10 weeks.
i went to an yoga retreat for 4 weeks and did intensive cleaning, yoga, meditation, self-hypnosis, etc and when the scan happened there were no polyps. Not one. That was 24 years ago & I've been healthy ever since.
Now i have no idea what actually rid this body of those polyps, but i do know that ceasing to be the victim played a huge part in it.
You[/i] are coming out of victimhood.
I have known I have many beliefs around illness as my mother was a nurse and would either overly sympathise or ignore.
This show the kind of conditioning that you had. Ha, both my kids are nurses, and my daughter is over the top with concerns about health.
Interesting just how much future is in them when in realty there is just bodily sensations.
Beautiful. i love it when i can see that you're seeing..
Hold on as I am typing I realised that I am conceptualising seeing.
You have to conceptualise it to communicate it. The really big thing is that you see that you are doing it. Really big.
You can see that there is actual seeing and that there is a mental image.
That mental image is the organism's way of saving energy. Of not having to work out what to do with what you see. It's a shortcut. Like not having to think about how to do up the buttons on your cloths, or when to put the indicator on in the car when a corner is approaching.
It's not that everything has to be seen in it's raw form (although that will happen more, as that is where the wonder and beauty is) It is the realizing that what we think is the actual thing we are looking at, is a mental image.
Oooops. I will report back!!
Looking forward to it. ..I'm excited.

love

vince

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby Connolly » Mon Sep 13, 2021 6:48 pm

Hi Vince. Wow what a story of Vince. Empowering story of turning away from victimhood. I am now seeing that some of the depression, which has hung around all my life to varying degrees could be victimhood.
I do feel to be turning away from this although I had t realised it.
As a bowel cancer survivor, i can imagine how this might bring up fear for you. As a guide, i say that the only thing you can do is use this on your journey. How might you do that?
When thoughts rise up about …why me, no I don’t want this … and future events, watch then then turn to softness and sensing.
You have to conceptualise it to communicate it.
….ah yes of course! I have sort of known there is something about language that is part of this. I remember reading about a neurologist(?) who had a stoke that affecting the language centre of the brain and she was in a euphoric state until language was picked up again.
I feel this is important please could you expand and explain this please….
that is where the wonder and beauty is) It is the realizing that what we think is the actual thing we are looking at, is a mental image
.
Thanks
Blessings helen

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby vinceschubert » Mon Sep 13, 2021 9:46 pm

Good morning Helen,
Empowering story of turning away from victimhood.
Yes, empowering, but in a really interesting way. At the time (before awakening) I described it as taking control of my life. Taking back responsibility for my self. Making a decision to choose not to be passive about what happened to me.
Now, of course, i recognize all of those as illusions. Certainly, choices and decisions happened, just not by vince alone. The universe collaborated with the conditions that set up the happenings. Just as vince is one of the conditions that life has visited you with. ..and all of the conditions that brought you to LU, and everything that has ever happened with (not to - with) Helen and her ancestors and theirs, and even the butterflies in the Amazon. There are no degrees of separation. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_degrees_of_separation)
I do feel to be turning away from this
It's a really strong feeling here. (..and many of your words confirm it.)
the only thing you can do is use this on your journey. How might you do that?
When thoughts rise up about …why me, no I don’t want this … and future events, watch then then turn to softness and sensing.
Yes, beautiful. Even better than laughing (i might steal this if you are happy about it) That softness and sensing provoke a beautiful sensation here. Breathing changes and shoulders relax and tears glisten.
I remember reading about a neurologist(?)
Yes, Jill Taylor-Bolte (Here's her Ted talk https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_degrees_of_separation)
Language is one of the main reasons that the illusions are so rife. (that and a perverted survival instinct) Before language, i guess that i would show you something that was present to share whatever about it. You got a chance to experience it first hand. Of course this limited you to what was present. If i wanted to share something that wasn't present i had to conceptualize it. To describe it. So language evolved.
Particularly in recent evolutionary terms, a lot of what is described by using a name, a label, has been taken to be actually experienced in the present.
For example; Most people would say that they know the Statue of Liberty exists. ..and it probably does, but how do they know that it hasn't been blown up and they haven't yet heard of it? It's not a first hand knowing, it a conceptualization. Evne if they've never visited the actual thing, if they've only seen pictures of it, they feel like they know it, when really what they know is a mental image of it.
It might appear a subtle difference for practical purposes (and it is) but this is where the wonder full ness of life will reveal itself to you. You will start to see the actual (apparent) things life offers you. The beauty of a blade of grass, the wonder of a tree, the amazing animal diversity... All because you recognize that subtle difference.

love love

vince

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby Connolly » Tue Sep 14, 2021 8:19 pm

Vince
taking control of my life. Taking back responsibility for my self. Making a decision to choose not to be passive about what happened to me.
Now, of course, i recognize all of those as illusions. Certainly, choices and decisions happened, just not by vince alone.
This is such a paradox. I am seeing that the last couple of years have been particularly intense. Really strong desperate thoughts without any respite and outside conditions seemed to echo my isolation. However this last few days life opportunities have entered my life. Three animals and two interesting voluntary posts. I have watched them take hold but they have not been any of my doing. I feel I have been whispered to, to take responsibility… for what? It feels like I have to ‘look to myself’ somehow. I am willing, but I don’t know how to. I have a feeling this life at the moment is changing face. Who knows?! I used to be attracted to the leader of the pack but a couple of occasions lately I have been watching my social behaviour and held back from speaking and watched the motives for doing it. Interesting.
T
hat softness and sensing provoke a beautiful sensation here. Breathing changes and shoulders relax and tears glisten.
How amazing that you connect and sense through words. Memories came around these words. I don’t remember much of my childhood only sadness if anything. But I do have I strong feelings around being called too sensitive and withdrawn. I was frightened of feeling beautiful, sweet and tender sensitivities. I am now saying yes to their return albeit infrequently.
c
onceptualization. Evne if they've never visited the actual thing, if they've only seen pictures of it, they feel like they know it, when really what they know is a mental image of it
.
I am feeling this more and more about if it not being seen or heard then it begs the question of does it exist.
Now as for the cup exercise, also interesting. I kept turning away from this until I asked myself and seemed I feared what may come so instead of my lifetime of procrastination I did it.
Not mind blowing stuff but the seeing seemed to wrap around the cup and the seeing became bigger and more more important than the cup. I hope this makes sense. I did the same with hearing and this to give the same experience. Only in retrospect it had a reality to it. O will continue with this.
All my love helen

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby vinceschubert » Tue Sep 14, 2021 11:53 pm

Good morning Helen,
This is such a paradox.
Yes, you hit the nail on the head with this one. The paradox is that you take control by giving up the notion of control. By accepting whatever happens, you cease the resistance that corrupts the NOW experience. Paradoxical indeed. There is a lot of that in this stuff.
However this last few days life opportunities have entered my life.
Ah yes. Another paradox. By letting go, your perspective has broadened to the point where you now see opportunities that were invisible when you were so focused on the pain.
I feel I have been whispered to,
Brilliant. It takes quietness to hear the whispers of life-ing.
to take responsibility… for what? It feels like I have to ‘look to myself’ somehow. I am willing, but I don’t know how to.
Yes, you do. ..but consider that "responsibility" is a word that, in reality, means being not responsible but to be involved, to be aware in a soft and gentle way. No control, just a loving relaxed watchfulness.
I was frightened of feeling beautiful, sweet and tender sensitivities. I am now saying yes to their return albeit infrequently.
Yes, and growing up with that means that a certain part of your brain was over developed (the fear part) BUT that is now changing. You are actively re-wiring it.
if it not being seen or heard then it begs the question of does it exist.
There is no question about this. It is as plain as the nose on your face (what a stupid saying - who can see their nose plainly) Get this. If it is not being currently experienced with any sense organ, then it only exists FOR HELEN as a mental image. Certainly, the probability that it will be there if you go visit it is 99.9999%, but that is beside the point. There is no experiencing of the actual (no seeing or hearing etc.) Just of the mental image.
The seeing seemed to wrap around the cup and the seeing became bigger and more important than the cup.
Good, the thing to notice here is what happens to the seeing if either the see-er or the seen comes into focus.

with love

vince

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby Connolly » Wed Sep 15, 2021 7:38 pm

Hello Vince. This last couple of days I feel to have slunk back to familiar worries and control thoughts.
But today…no biggie… but I have received many complimentary messages on social media from people some I know and some I don’t, about offering palliative care for the dog we are fostering. This has brought up loads of feelings/thoughts, many I see snowballing. I didn’t even think we were doing anything special to warrant this attention.
Anyway today thoughts spiralling but they were seen as a mass of ‘stuff’ and at that moment I ‘knew’ I had a choice. This surprised me. Either keep rattling on or take the other option to drop them. So many times I have heard the drop them advice. I have never seen I had an option. My shoulders relaxed and I knew all these thoughts were useless and to be honest just weary.
I have no control of how people think or act and anyway I really do not want to allow my mind to be full of this when I can see another way ‘peeping’
Praise be.
Gratefulness came peeping too
You can’t know just how grateful I am for this exchange. I am seeing it as another stage on the road I have travelled but I must say it has been the deepest…no…whole… no… practical…no ( words?) all the roads I have been on seem to be converging into … I don’t know but I can feel bits of me, the soft gentle bits that are beautiful, feeling closer. The harsh wounding bits feel somehow to be musty, dusty and devoid of life.
Love helen

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Re: Painful repetitive thought patterns

Postby vinceschubert » Thu Sep 16, 2021 2:45 am

Good morning Helen,
This last couple of days I feel to have slunk back to familiar worries and control thoughts.
That happens. We'd like to think that it's a straight road out of sleepwalking, but it's hills and valleys. ..or plains and plateaux.
I didn’t even think we were doing anything special to warrant this attention.
Ha yes. The mystery of how other people see the world. i say that i don't even know myself, so it is impossible to know others.
today thoughts spiralling but they were seen as a mass of ‘stuff’ and at that moment I ‘knew’ I had a choice. This surprised me. Either keep rattling on or take the other option to drop them. So many times I have heard the drop them advice. I have never seen I had an option. My shoulders relaxed and I knew all these thoughts were useless and to be honest just weary.
Excellent. Really good stuff. Just be careful about how you use the word choice.
What actually happened was that instead of being automatically sucked in to the content of the stories and becoming an emotional expression of it, you were presented with alternative stories. Now it seemed like you made a decision to let it drop, but in fact it was all of the conditions present that both offered the alternative and the ability to let that one happen.
There was no choice. Conditions favored dropping it, so that happened. It couldn't have happened otherwise.
Why would you choose to suffer in the old way?
Gratefulness came peeping too
Beautiful. Great reinforcement of the changing brain.
I can feel bits of me, the soft gentle bits that are beautiful, feeling closer.
Thank you for the lovely feeling that gave me.

love

vince


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