No self

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Jaqbert
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No self

Postby Jaqbert » Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:39 am

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
My understanding is that there is no fixed "thing" be it human or non-human in me that is eternal or somewhere in me guiding me or being me. I have always felt that there is a self, there is a me that hasn´t inherently changed over the course of my life

What are you looking for at LU?
I am looking to understand the idea of non-self in a non-conceptual way, i.e. to have true insight into this, to experience this and stop seeing life and my life and myself through the veil of illusion.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?

I expect someone to do a form of enquiry with me by phone or email I imagine, to ask me questions that I will contemplate and try to answer or just allow to be and deepen into me until I understand them in a different way, to ponder and reflect on the guidance. I also see it as someone to accompany me through this process, giving me guidance on when I´m going wrong, when to stop, listen, keep trying.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have been practising Buddhism and Mindfulness as a secular practice for 6 years. I have recently obtained insight into non-attachment and also an experience of awakening on some level. Since then (only a few days), my above answers are based on what I used to believe. At present I am in a state of complete not-knowing, I am just experiencing bliss and love and peace. I am thinking now that it may be too soon to start this enquiry now, as this awakening experience is very recent.
Someone just walked in the room and mentioned this site which I´d heard of before, so I thought I´d just go with it as I think this is just the start of awakening and I´d like to go further.
Also I am free at the moment and over the summer to do this.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

Bananafish
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Re: No self

Postby Bananafish » Sun Jul 21, 2019 7:56 am

Hi Jaqbert. :) Nice to have you here.

My name is Bananafish, and I'd be glad to accompany you in
your inquiry.


First of all, would you like to talk a bit more about your
"experience of awakening?"


Best wishes,

Bananafish

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Jaqbert
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Re: No self

Postby Jaqbert » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:01 pm

Hello Bananfish!

Thanks for your message, my names Jackie.

So, yes I can tell you about my "awakening experience"

So last Sunday, during an energy healing session with someone, I had an experience of spiritual awakening which I will describe to you. So after dropping some long held beliefs I "saw" I am lovable and from there went into an extremely high state of vibration and experienced pure love, bliss, ecstacy, peace. I could sort of feel the cells in my body vibrating at an extremely high or fast vibration and couldn´t stop smiling and well I don´t actually have words for how it felt, none of what I´ve written seem adequate. This went on for the length of the session (by skype) and continued for the rest of the night. I had virtually no sleep and the next two days I continued feeling extremely "high" in a state of love and love of isness, not directed at anything outside of me, more as a state of being.

For two days I also felt extremely detached from the world and found it hard to speak at all. (I´ve been cooking at a Buddhist retreat centre in Scotland during this experience) On Tuesday evening while out for a walk (I´m in a place called Loch Voil which is also known as the fairy glen - a great place to have a spiritual awakening!) I had insight into my "detachment" of actual non attachment. So no value judgements of anything at all, nothing was good/bad/ or anything else, it just was or is... falso ood for example had no taste or anythingness for me, it was as if my senses withdrew from the world for a time.

This detachment to the world around me then went the next day and I was able to interact normally with the world around me again. The high vibrational state started to slowly diminsh. I hardly slept or ate for 4 days, but on the 5th night I slept 7 hours! Phew!!

Nearly the whole week whether I slept well or not, I have been in an extremely high state of alertness, at times feeling very high, excitable, giggly, strange, confident, myself...but in a different way, in the best way possible. Some days, I´ve been extremely mentally and verbally insightful and sharp. I´ve also had no pain in the body (some chronic pain dropped off) and no emotions. Over the last two days, I´ve settled into just peaceful calm happiness and well-being, with moments of getting a bit high. My sense are back online, but I still feel a little strange to be honest. Its also characterised by a feeling of fullness in my heart area (this came after the first healing - there were 2 sessions).

I´ve had moments of what I describe as "slipping back" (although that's just a belief I realise) into old states of being, including feeling the emotional pain I used to suffer from and old patterns of behaviour coming up. I´ve been working with the energy healer all week on these who has been helping me to get through this and gain insight... mostly understanding that these are just beliefs I can choose to drop.

I understand what actual not knowing is and I am in that state.

I´m a Mindfulness teacher and a Buddhist but I don´t feel present in the sense of the word that I used to when I have been on retreat or practising deeply... i.e via the senses.... however, the past is blurry and I don´t think about it at all, and the future feels free and open and also quite blank - so I am present in that sense. My mind is racing with thoughts a lot of the time. And I can´t sit down to meditate hardly at all. Also, I can sort of think myself into a higher vibrational state.

Just now, a friend blew me out, quite unexpectedly and I feel hurt and annoyed! This is strange as I haven´t really felt any "normal" feelings at all for the whole week. No emotions, no reactions, no expectations, nothing. Its quite unpleasant and unexpected.

So, that´s my experience, it's changing daily. I think over the first few days, I experienced this super high vibrational state and then my body/cells/being had to shift itself to this new state, might explain the strangeness. I don´t know I´m trying not to analyse it too much, but that´s difficult as I´m one of those "clever" people who like to analyse stuff!

Well, there you are! Its been very very strange and completely and utterly wonderful experience. To feel myself as the divine and pure love I feel very lucky and blessed, and curious about the next part of my life and even just today!

Thanks for listening,

Jackie

Bananafish
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Re: No self

Postby Bananafish » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:09 pm

Thanks Jackie. :)

Now, who is the one that has had all those experiences?

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Jaqbert
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Re: No self

Postby Jaqbert » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:11 pm

Hi

Well me... I suppose, Jackie, the body, mind, and divine love being I have also discovered....

And well, actually the real answer is, I don´t know, I have no idea!

Bananafish
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Re: No self

Postby Bananafish » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:13 pm

That's great, Jackie ... that you have no idea who you are.

Are you the body?
Where in the body are you?

Can you point at the exact location?

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Jaqbert
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Re: No self

Postby Jaqbert » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:15 pm

Could you tell me how to get these messages without having to go via my email everytime, if that´s possible...

I´m in the body, yes thats what it feels like, but no I can´t point to "me", if I really had to it would be my heart area, because of that really strong feeling of fullness i mentioned in my post.

Bananafish
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Re: No self

Postby Bananafish » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:18 pm

Have you subscribed to the topic or bookmarked it?


If you discard all of the logic, the "because,"
where do you point at?

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Jaqbert
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Re: No self

Postby Jaqbert » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:20 pm

yes both, but I have to re-open everytime to see your messages...

Well it would be the whole of the body then

Bananafish
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Re: No self

Postby Bananafish » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 pm

Well, that's what I also do, Jackie. Reopen every time.


Why is the body "you," rather than just body?

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Jaqbert
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Re: No self

Postby Jaqbert » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:29 pm

Ok, well I just refresh then each time..

I don´t know, I can´t answer that... b/c it´s always felt like me, its where I´ve always been. I know I´m not outside the body, so I must be here... but thats logic isn´t it... so forgetting logic... is really really hard to do.

Its just the body, but it´s also me, as I´m here writing to you.

Also, I´ve been reading some of the different threads in this website and the inquiry into thoughts and impulses to move i can see they come from nothing and return to nothing... there´s nothing there.
But the body, well when I have tried to do the practise of feeling sensation and then where it is, I can´t lose the memory of knowing its in my back...

I have to go for a bit now... so excuse me if I don´t reply for a while

Bananafish
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Re: No self

Postby Bananafish » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:34 pm

Ok, take your time, and I might go to bed while you are offline.

Please, again discard all "as" "since" and "because."


What is it that is writing to me?

Bananafish
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Re: No self

Postby Bananafish » Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:38 pm

Also, it would be better if you could refrain from doing exercises
of your own, plus it may help not to rely on any readings, knowledge or memory,
including reading other threads in this website.

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Jaqbert
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Re: No self

Postby Jaqbert » Sun Jul 21, 2019 5:44 pm

Hi again,
Hope you´ve been able to rest...

Ok, I will do as you ask... no problem

Who´s writing this?

I am, me but also I don´t know. I´m sorry I just find this impossible to answer. I can see my hands moving and my brain is thinking and I feel like me, but I also feel really strongly that i just don´t know... like there´s this body and being working of its own accord or something. Its just doing what its doing.

Does that make sense?

Bananafish
Posts: 2030
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2014 3:29 pm
Location: Japan
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Re: No self

Postby Bananafish » Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:19 am

Hi. :)

You wrote that you feel like you.
What kind of feeling is it?


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