Yes - I though that seeing through the self, if I no longer believe that there's a "me" would mean that I would no longer have those thoughts around "me".
This is a very unrealistic belief, which definitely won’t happen.
There has never ever been a self/me, and yet, thoughts of me/I has been there almost constantly.
So why would this change, just because of the self is as an illusion?
This won’t change.
V: That seeing through the self should happen 24/7?
G: Well - I kind of thought that it would like believing in a Santa Claus. Once I saw that there was no Santa, I didn't have to look again and again to see that, yes, there really was no Santa.
Just because the self is seen through, it doesn’t mean that the illusion will be seen through 24/7. Not even close. Many people have the belief that seeing through the self means that the illusion will be seen as an illusion all the time, or at least most of the time. But this is not how it is.
So this won’t happen for a while. Realising that there is no inherent self is just a BEGINNING
(just the first step) and not an ending. There are still many beliefs, patterns and emotions that will need clearing as not everything is rewritten in one fowl swoop. So please put aside all expectations that by the end of this exploration you should be seeing/feeling this 24/7. There has never been a separate self….ever…so things aren’t going to change. The only thing that changes is how life and the idea of a separate self are perceived.
Perception changes and with that some reactions may change. The core belief of being a separate self is seen through which also includes others beliefs that support this idea. However, like a rug that is beginning to unravel, there are still many knots (beliefs, patterns) that need undoing. Falling away of conditionings can last at the end of the organism. Continuing to LOOK after the realisation is very much the key.
When I see through the illusion, when I stop and ask "what is truly here, what is truly happening?", the focus goes away from the mind, and my experience seems to be one of relief and peace.
But this is just a temporary state. Every emotion let be pleasant or unpleasant is just a fleeting state.
Seeing that the self is just an illusion, is NOT a state.
It’s not about being in a state of constant peace and relief.
Seeing through the self is NOT about not having half of the emotions (the unpleasant ones).
And it's also not a state where there are no more thoughts, or focus on thoughts/mind.
It’s simply about the RECOGNITION that there has never been a self (regardless what emotion is present or not).
Remember... we are looking for the FACTS, not for an experience/state.
All expectations, no matter what you expect is not what it is going to be like. Anytime you feel stuck, come back to expectations, if there is something that you think that should be happening, but it isn't- there is an expectation behind it. They are not useful but in the way.
Could you please tell me where do you look for the self, and how do you do the looking itself exactly?
And every time I look, it has been just like "where is the Gwen that doesn't want this to happen (for example), and the answer is always - there is no Gwen. There is just an idea of Gwen. There is no difference in my state.
This is a good question.
Stop now, and just observe what is happening.
WHAT is it exactly that is having this experience (whatever is happening now)?