What we are looking for is what’s looking

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Ilona
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby Ilona » Fri Jul 19, 2019 1:47 pm

Wonderful!
Ok, is there you to let go?
What is that is holding on?
Is there I to let god do what it does? Is there I to resist what is happening?

Some more questions for you to explore.

Love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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EsUno
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby EsUno » Sun Jul 21, 2019 12:13 am

Wonderful!
Ok, is there you to let go?
What is that is holding on?
Is there I to let god do what it does? Is there I to resist what is happening?

Some more questions for you to explore.

Love.
Still working on these. Thanks!

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EsUno
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby EsUno » Sun Jul 21, 2019 7:56 pm

Wonderful!
Ok, is there you to let go?
What is that is holding on?
Is there I to let god do what it does? Is there I to resist what is happening?

Some more questions for you to explore.

Love.
Is there a me to let go of? I guess not from what we have covered so far. It doesn't really feel like there's no me but I can't argue that there is from any position that I could stand behind. One thing that crossed my mind - if there's no me and it's all just happening and part of one big whole, what about my children? If theres no me; where did they come from?

I'm thinking this point over as I type (as it just barely crossed my mind) and I guess the answer to that is fairly simple actually: the body recreates and we are not our bodies. The body might create other little bodies and sp

For whatever reason, it seems like a lot of this stuff sinks in more for me when I try to make an argument against it and then answer my own damned question! Haha

What is that that is holding on? This is the big question. I am not sure. This is something that needs to be answered though.

Is there an I to let god do what it does? Is there an I to resist what is happening? I guess that there isn't. This feels like its another big question that's on to something but I'm trying to think of another way to come at it

Thanks again Ilona! Image

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Ilona
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby Ilona » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:15 pm

Is there an I to let god do what it does? Is there an I to resist what is happening? I guess that there isn't. This feels like its another big question that's on to something but I'm trying to think of another way to come at it
Yes, this is a big question. And it’s easy to check. Look here now. There are colours, sounds, thoughts, sensations, emotion. Did they all appear or you are making them appear? Are you in charge of what colours, sounds, sensations are present?
What are you in control of right now?
Can you stop colours, sounds, sensations from showing up?
Can you let them to show up?

What do you notice?

Love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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EsUno
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby EsUno » Wed Jul 24, 2019 8:20 pm

Is there an I to let god do what it does? Is there an I to resist what is happening? I guess that there isn't. This feels like its another big question that's on to something but I'm trying to think of another way to come at it
Yes, this is a big question. And it’s easy to check. Look here now. There are colours, sounds, thoughts, sensations, emotion. Did they all appear or you are making them appear? Are you in charge of what colours, sounds, sensations are present?
What are you in control of right now?
Can you stop colours, sounds, sensations from showing up?
Can you let them to show up?

What do you notice?

Love.
Man, I feel like this is coming and going. Based on previous questions/answers, I'd say that I'm not in control of any of it but when even a little time passes, it seems like I'm going back to thinking I'm running the show.

Certainly can't stop the colors/sounds and sensations from showing up.

Letting them show up, I guess they'll show up regardless of whether we let them or not. I guess that means I should let go of trying to control.

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Ilona
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby Ilona » Wed Jul 24, 2019 11:05 pm

And how can you let to of control if you never had been in control?

There is wanting to control. Trying to control. Notice, there is wanting.
Is it helping? Is it useful?

What do you find?
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby EsUno » Thu Jul 25, 2019 5:22 pm

And how can you let to of control if you never had been in control?

There is wanting to control. Trying to control. Notice, there is wanting.
Is it helping? Is it useful?

What do you find?
Thinking this over and feeling it in real time, I can say for sure it’s not useful or helping. At best, it’s neutral and whatever is going to happen is going to happen. More likely though it’s a hindrance to living my best life. I have the impression or sense that when I try to white knuckle through life, many of the seemingly small things are missed altogether.

The strange part about all of this is that I can know it at least intellectually, but if a small amount of time passes since discussing it or taking a step back consciously, it’s as if all auto-pilot kicks automatically and I’m back to trying to control or thinking I’m in control. (Reading that last sentence again, auto-pilot might be a poor analogy since it’s something similar to auto pilot we are after!)

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Ilona
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby Ilona » Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:57 pm

Can you tell me what is not on autopilot? Is wanting to control something you do or something that shows up?
What about free will? Can you tell me how you see that?

I am traveling at the moment and may not be able to respond frequently, but please feel free to write as often and as much as you like.

Love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby EsUno » Sat Aug 03, 2019 11:40 pm

Can you tell me what is not on autopilot? Is wanting to control something you do or something that shows up?
What about free will? Can you tell me how you see that?

I am traveling at the moment and may not be able to respond frequently, but please feel free to write as often and as much as you like.

Love
Thanks Ilona. I'll keep after this in the meantime.

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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby Ilona » Mon Aug 05, 2019 7:50 am

How is it going? Did you find anything that is happening not on automatic?

Love
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http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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EsUno
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby EsUno » Wed Aug 07, 2019 5:56 am

Can you tell me what is not on autopilot? Is wanting to control something you do or something that shows up?
What about free will? Can you tell me how you see that?

I am traveling at the moment and may not be able to respond frequently, but please feel free to write as often and as much as you like.

Love
The free will vs auto pilot thing does trip me up. I know from previous within this very thread that everything is really auto pilot, wanting to control seems to show up however.

Truly does feel like a defense mechanism of the ego to hang on. I was thinking about this earlier today actually— I specifically remember when during the time where things were just flowing and happening with no wanting to control or illusions of being able to control that near the end of that experience, I thought to myself “better make sure not to do anything to lose this experience”. This was almost certainly out of habit within the psyche because there was no lack of clarity that I was in control, however I do wonder if those thoughts of “not losing it” were ultimately the undoing (ironic).

I will pay attention to this moment to moment and remind myself there’s truly no control

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Ilona
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby Ilona » Wed Aug 07, 2019 6:02 am

There is wanting to control. That’s all there is. Wanting to control.
And this wanting arises by itself, effortlessly too.
Explore wanting. There are three main wants- wanting to control, wanting security and wanting to be accepted.
Which wanting shows up most? Is it something you do or something that arises? Can you want something else, or wanting is given?

Write to me what you notice about wanting energy, how these wants are connected and when they show up? Spend your time through the day examining every wanting.

Love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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EsUno
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby EsUno » Wed Aug 07, 2019 5:38 pm

Will do, thanks Ilona.

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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby EsUno » Thu Aug 08, 2019 6:52 am

There is wanting to control. That’s all there is. Wanting to control.
And this wanting arises by itself, effortlessly too.
Explore wanting. There are three main wants- wanting to control, wanting security and wanting to be accepted.
Which wanting shows up most? Is it something you do or something that arises? Can you want something else, or wanting is given?

Write to me what you notice about wanting energy, how these wants are connected and when they show up? Spend your time through the day examining every wanting.

Love.

It’s interesting we landed here because as I’ve thought back on some previous parts of this thread, a memory suddenly popped up that was an inquiry I’d done kind of on my own while reading gateless gatecrashers (this was just prior to having that “aha moment” that lasted about a day). I have thought several times that I should remember to write about this again or ask about it but here we are by happenstance.

Wanting security is the one that rings the most true to me in my life at the moment as I’ve had some money challenges that had become almost an obsession there for a bit, actually just prior to the time I started exploring non duality.

Prior to the past 2 years of my life with some of these financial challenges, I would have said wanting to control. The thing I discovered while reading GG that I wanted to remember to bring up here was inquiry into my habit of procrastination. I have a tendency to wait until tasks or responsibilities are at the point of no return before jumping into try to feverishly handle everything at the very last minute. This isn’t just a little procrastination. This is lollygagging for 3-4 days at work and trying to finish a weeks work in 4 hours on Friday afternoon and into Saturday. I’m essentially self employed (100% commission) and I can technically kind of get away with this if you ignore how unprofessional and chaotic it can be for me and my clients, employees, etc.

A huge breakthrough came when I realized this was coming from some strange, deep-seeded need to feel anxiety. I almost wondered if it was a need for the excitement or adrenaline rush. Then I came to the real conclusion which is that it’s a need to feel important. Creating internal conflict to feel that “I” could could show there’s a purpose for “me”.

The wanting feel somehow in control in a world that is beyond control. If I wait until the last minute, there’s a power of some sort in creating that anxiety. The realization that I was likely subconsciously doing this and had been for a long time was a huge relief, realizing I didn’t need to.


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Ilona
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Re: What we are looking for is what’s looking

Postby Ilona » Fri Aug 09, 2019 5:42 am

Thank you very much. Let’s explore this wanting security closer.
Here are two questions for you to play with. Ask them as often as you remember through the day.

Am I safe right now?
Do I feel safe right now?

Every time you ask notice how you feel.
Security is not somewhere in the images about future. Check in the moment, here now. Write what you notice.

Love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book


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