I feel that I am already doing this and when I try to explain as precisely possible the process of examination using words, you take it the other way.
Because this is my job. My job is to help you to question everything. This is how this inquiry works. We are deconstructing beliefs here. So everything happens perfectly :)
V: When you say behind the head, do you mean it literally?
Literally outside of the body, behind the head?
J: I mean it in the same sense when you wrote to search behind the head, behind the eyes, in the chest, in the throat, etc. Why there is a feeling or sensation of a ‘me’ that exists behind these areas I cannot say. Just does.
Dear Jim, I didn’t say to search for the self BEHIND the head, I said: behind the eyes, inside the head. But I thought I might have done a typo and accidentally wrote ‘behind the head’ instead of ‘behind the eyes’. So I did a search on the thread, and no, I didn’t make any typo, at least I haven’t found any. But even if I had suggested looking it behind the head, I still have to question everything.
You mentioned behind the head, that’s why I am questioning it.
We are hunting for a SENSATION that is mistakenly labelled as ‘me’.
That’s why I ask you the followings:
V: You have literally SEARCH THROUGH the whole body from head to toe many-many times. Pay particular attention to the chest and the whole head. Search for the self in the eyes, behind the eyes, at the back of the head, the middle of the head, the top of the head, in the throat. Look everywhere. Search with closed eyes and open eyes too.
So we are hunting for the sensation that is labelled as ‘me’. Since the sense of self is just an ILLUSION.
The illusion is coming from not seeing that it’s just a plain sensation, nothing more.
But sensations cannot be felt outside of the body, behind the head.
That’s why I asked so many questions to point out that whatever you perceive behind the head, is just an ILLUSION.
With my questions I am pointing where to LOOK and SEE what is ACTUALLY there.
I feel like I have to be extremely careful when writing anything with you. When you say or mean something, it’s fine. When I use your same language, it’s isn’t. It’s confusing.
It’s not about who is right or not. It’s about questioning everything. It’s about deconstructing beliefs.
And if I write something it doesn’t mean that that thing won’t be questions 2 posts later.
We are advancing in small steps. You hold the conventional belief that there is a you, whom experiences happening to, who can choose and control things.
So we are starting from this conventional viewpoint, and making statements based on those.
As we advance forward we are gradually questioning this conventional viewpoint.
You got triggered by this, but that is all right. The question is…
What is it exactly that got triggered?
What is it exactly that got angry or frustrated or felt injustice (or whatever emotion came up)?
Where is the YOU that felt that way? – find it
I don’t know how to describe this feeling/sensation of behind the head. I look and try a feel an ‘I’ or a ‘me.’ Most is the time it is greeted with a blankness. Yet at the same time, for whatever reason, that’s the area that felt a presence of me.
(So what is this presence feeling? I don’t know. Can you describe it? Not any more than I can describe the same presence of feeling alive.)
You see, this is THE ILLUSION.
This SEEMING presence behind the head is an ILLUSION.
Only sensations can be felt. Nothing else.
And there are no sensation behind the head.
There are all sorts of sensations inside the head, but not behind.
How ‘feeling alive’ is actually experienced?
Can you describe it? Not any more than I can describe the same presence of feeling alive.)
What is the AE of ‘feeling alive’? Is it a sound, color, taste, smell, sensation or thought?
Take a cup or any object into your hands. And investigate if the cup can be experience in any other way then with the 5 senses. Can you?
Can anything be experience in any other way than with the 5 senses?
Look carefully. Don’t just think, but really try to experience outside the 5 senses. Can this be done?
How is presence experienced?
What is the thought label ‘presence’ is pointing to in experience? Is it a sound, color, taste, smell, sensation or thought?
What is actually experienced with the thought expression ‘feeling alive’?
I do my best to feel where a ‘me’ or an ‘I’ is located and stick with that. If it’s behind the head, I try and feel it there. Usually the sensation/presence/feeling doesn’t last long. Other thoughts arise, and I get distracted. Then I remember to search again and repeat the process.
All right. We don’t stop there, just feeling this ‘presence’ but actually SEEING what is ACTUALLY felt there.
Let’s say that the sense of self appears as a sensation in the middle of the head, behind the eyes.
So you put the attention to that sensation, and feel it.
But you don’t just simply feel it, but you also has to SEE what it is that is being feeling there.
The BELIEF is that what is being felt is ‘me’.
But the REALITY IS that what is being felt is just a plain SENSATION, not a ‘me’.
Can you see this?
But if you say that the sense of self is BEHIND the head, then what is it that is ACTUALLY FELT BEHIND the head?
Can you see that only sensations can be felt?
Can you see that there are no ACTUAL sensations behind the head?
So whatever is SEEMINGLY FELT BEHIND the head, is just an ILLUSION.
It’s just an illusion that the sense of self is behind the head.
It’s just an illusion that the ‘me’ is behind the head.
It’s just an illusion that there is a presence behind the head.
Can you see this, even if just intellectually?
The motivation to find an ‘I’ or a ‘me’ is there. It’s confusing though this search for one. On the conventional level, it seems so obvious. And when dealing with conventional life, it’s hard to feel the presence. Beyond the conventional level, when feeling the presence is easier, trying to describe anything becomes blurry and nebulous. I continue trying nonetheless to feel an ‘I’ or a ‘me’.
I might see what’s the problem here, but I’m not sure if my assumption is correct. So please correct me if I am wrong.
Do you believe that we are looking for an actual me, or for an actual sense of presence?
That the aim of this investigation to ACTUALLY find something that can be called my ‘real Self’ or ‘my presence’?
I make these assumptions based on this comment: “And when dealing with conventional life, it’s hard to feel the presence.”
What are we searching for with this investigation?
What are we trying to find?