The Pendulum

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Andreas18
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The Pendulum

Postby Andreas18 » Fri May 31, 2019 11:25 pm

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
There is nothing to understand. Nothing was ever born, nothing will ever die. There isn't even a self there to die.
Full realization comes with the understanding that there is nothing to understand. Yet the journey is infinite, as is realization.
I simply ask the question, what was before awareness?
I know nothing.

What are you looking for at LU?
The only reason I choose to live is so I can help others. I took the hard path, so the only reason for my existence is to help ease the path of others. I'm simply here to be a beginner, and to lend a hand.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
What I expect always turns out not to be the actual reality itself.
I am not expecting anything.

I'm only writing now because the website told me to. There is nothing to say. I'm done.
Now it seems I have written enough.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?

Experience is irrelevant, not unimportant, but secondary.
You are what you are seeking. That which is seeking, is an illusion. We will never come to a satisfying conceptual conclusion.
The end of true spiritual inquiry, is the end of the questioner.

We must all walk our own paths. Of course there are useful practices conducive to liberation, awakening, or so on... And there is a lot to learn along the way, but in the end, we must let go of even all we've learned, and all our tools. In the end, there is too much to say about practice in such a short paragraph. Yet it is quite simple.
In my experience, one doesn't have to practice for years or decades in order to "become" "enlightened", nothing is necessary for awakening. Though that doesn't mean there is no value in it.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Ilona » Fri May 31, 2019 11:44 pm

Hi Andreas,
Welcome to the forum! Glad you made it here.
Can you tell a bit about your journey, what and how has shifted? What differences did you notice in everyday life if comparing how it used to be before realisation.
What was that last push, question, that ended the questioner?
Feel free to share as much as you like.
Love
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http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Andreas18 » Thu Jun 06, 2019 10:56 am

Well, Ilona, I'm not quite sure what to say about it, but I guess I can share my story briefly.
I was maybe 12 or 13 years old when my father gave me the book, "Mindfulness in Plain English," by Bhante Gunaratana. I don't know what happened, but ever since reading the book, my yearning for liberation was born.
There was a point in my life, around when I was 20 years old, where I was in a catastrophic mental state on a daily basis. I was heavily addicted to drugs and was partially psychotic, and to say that the suffering at that time was excruciatingly unbearable would be an understatement. My mind, or my false self rather, became so agonizing that after many months of this, I was one day laying in bed, and the agony was so tremendous, that all of a sudden, something in me just let go, and everything just seemed to fall out of me. It was just like "poof", and next thing I knew I was abiding in what we would call Nirvana. I simply looked up from my bed, and I knew, "I just woke up". It was literally as if I had just woken from a dream. But, it didn't last long.
After this episode I have had countless experiences, realizations, and so on, but the most important thing about the whole journey, was the shift in perspective, or perception, if you will. I went from experiencing a separate self, to the seeing that I was nothing, and everything simultaneously. Complete oneness. Though this realization would fade in and out, depending on my mental state.

It was not so long ago a more permanent abiding in awareness occurred, rather naturally. I was accustomed to asking the questions "What/Who am I" "What is this self?" "What is this I?", and other forms of inquiry and contemplation. And one day, I was simply thinking normally just as I would any other day, but all of a sudden, as I thought the thought "I", I suddenly saw through the illusion of it. It was like a nuclear explosion. The normal every day "I", I used to refer to myself as, became completely destroyed. Now it seems the ego is still hanging on by a thread, so I know there is more to see. But now, I have gone from seeing myself as a separate self, to seeing that I am both nothing, and everything and everyone at the same time. Which is why I ask the question, "what was before awareness?" Because the ego has a tendency to try to identify with either a perceived reality, waking consciousness, or pure, unborn awareness. Abiding in not knowing is an inquiry/meditation I find especially useful. Because it leaves us with nothing to hold on to.

It seems to me that I've been freed from so many negative mind states. I now love the whole world and beyond, even the worst of the worst of humanity, even the most sadistic demons of hell. It seems my love for the world has become much more unconditional, but of course, seeing the ego is still hanging on by a thread, sometimes that love will temporarily become a bit veiled by anger and grief for the world, which is usually when I continue my practice of mindfulness, contemplation or inquiry. Practice and understanding seem more, not less, relevant and important now than it did before my awakening. But now the effort is, effortless. Everything seems to be happening naturally, not contrived. Now there is almost always a sense of peace, wellness, and awareness in the background of my life. I am nothing yet everything. My life seems to flow much more naturally. The experience of being awake to ones true self, or non self, is indescribable and beyond any concepts. I really couldn't do reality justice by describing it.

To answer Ilona's message, the last push was a silent, instantaneous question. Completely spontaneous. It was simply seeing through the illusion of the conventional "I" we always use in daily life. I don't know how it happened, it was as if the questioner that had always been asking the question, "Who or what is this "I", or self?", simply saw through the illusion, and thus, the questioner, or rather, the seeker, was destroyed.

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Ilona » Fri Jun 07, 2019 1:46 pm

Hi Andreas. Thank you very much for sharing your experience.
I just would like to ask you what is ego and how is it hanging on, in your actual experience?
What does ego do?

Also you say that the question, the seeker was destroyed. That’s a strong word and it may feel like that, but what was that got destroyed? Was that questioner ever real?

Looking forward to your reply.
Love.
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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Andreas18 » Tue Jun 25, 2019 8:18 pm

As for what exactly ego is, from a technical standpoint, or a scientific standpoint, I wouldn't know.
My teacher said, "Ego is a verb", it's something the mind does. An activity of the mind.
But you could also say there is identification not only with thought, but all other activity of the mind and body. We identify also with emotions, sensations, and material things.
The experience of identification is, "This is me."
The experience of ego is something like, "This mind and body is me, and consciousness shares the same qualities and therefor also the same limitations as this mind and body."
I mean, simply put, I guess you could say ego is really just some form of identification. If we expand the term ego to include all mind activity, emotions, sensations, world, consciousness, etc... We can say if we are identified to any of these things, we have once again become a separate "object". However subtle.

I say hanging on in a metaphorical way, not literally. I can often succumb to deep suicidal depression, or fears or desires. I'm not exactly completely liberated and impervious to misperception or unconscious or negative thinking.
And as to what it's like to be liberated, enlightened, awake, or what have you, is really beyond any words. And really, any attempt to contain the truth within an idea or a concept obscures reality as it actually is. I would prefer not to talk about it, or label it in any way.

As for the questioner, well, yes and no. You have to be able to see things from different perspectives. If we were to put sensors on the brain and body and see the activity that happens as one seeks. You could say there is at least activity going on. But as for where this "seeker" actually is, I don't believe we would be able to find it. We can't even find it in our direct experience, even if we look for it.

As I said, ego is really an activity of the mind, a verb, so no, this illusory self was never real, and it never died.
I say destroyed,but neither the seeker or the destruction of the seeker was ever real, we are only talking in metaphorical terms. But there is no doubt that there is a real effect on the mind and body when one awakens.

You could say perhaps, the illusion was seen through? And the effect of that was dis-identification, thereby the "destruction" of some form of identification. I guess I say destruction seeing it was such a shock to the body, and that which was destroyed was perhaps certain misperceptions, beliefs, assumptions. What exactly what is was is hard to say, because there is so much that simply vanishes. But we are simply using language here.

Your asking me whether the questioner was ever real. Identification is an illusion, but the illusion exists.
I really don't feel like going into a technical explanation. Which is why in Zen when a student jumps up and down exclaiming there is no self, the Zen master thwacks him in the head with his stick, and yells, "Oh yea!? Then who feels that!?"

I could say yes or no to that question, but it wouldn't ultimately be true either way. Reality is far more nuanced than that.
Asking that question is really a strategy, it doesn't lead to some completely true metaphysical statement.
The Buddha said, "There is no self", Ramana Maharshi I believe said something like, "everything is the self."
The Tao that can be spoken, is not the true Tao.

I could go on forever, but we all just have to live the truth, not just realize it, think about it or philosophize about it. That just becomes useless talk.

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Andreas18 » Tue Jun 25, 2019 8:34 pm

Also I would add, if someone were to ask me the question seriously "was the questioner actually ever real?", as an inquiry, and were looking to me for an answer to that, I would ask them "What exactly are you looking for by asking that question? Who cares?"

Also, I apologize for the late response

Hope you are well
Andreas

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Ilona » Wed Jun 26, 2019 10:12 pm

I enjoyed reading your response, thank you for sharing what you see. It resonates a lot.
Yes, all we can do here in the forum is share words, concepts, to find out if we see the same, or not.

Here is something that cought my eye.
I could say yes or no to that question, but it wouldn't ultimately be true either way. Reality is far more nuanced than that.
Do you see the simplicity of this? Or it seems complicated?
The real is. Unreal isn’t.
This question of a questioner. Is there a thinker?

Can you expand on how questioner works.

Thank you.
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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Andreas18 » Thu Jun 27, 2019 9:48 am

No not at all, this doesn't seem complicated to me at all, I mean spirituality and life in general is extraordinarily complicated, but a complication is really just an experience. If we take simply "being" though. Not looking at the world or ourselves through thought, all the complicated stuff becomes rather irrelevant, we become unbound, thus the term, liberated.
We learn to flow with the river rather than trying to swim upstream, which is much simpler, and therefor easier.
The best way in my experience in order for this to unfold is to cease striving, and rather just relax and be.
This may be because I really resonate with Zen and Taoism.

I often practice what Adyashanti calls True Meditation. The basic gist of it is the teaching; "Allow everything to be as it is:"
When we really disengage in a non contrived way, things become profoundly simple. And then Zen, or the Tao becomes clear.
Adya called meditation, mental hygiene. I really like that.

I'm quite lazy so I like to keep things simple. Just like being awake, it's quite natural, not complicated.

As a wise man once said, "If enlightenment were complicated, everyone would be enlightened."

I'm not quite sure what you mean when you say "The real is. Unreal isn't."

If my assumption is correct, I guess Ramana Maharshi's way of saying this was;
The world is illusion
Only Brahman is real
The world is Brahman

I really think it's not quite so clear cut and simple as that though. It's a great teaching, but if we consider one thing to be more or less real in comparison to anything else, isn't this a duality? If we are seeing things from a certain point of view, doesn't that mean there must be by default another point of view? Duality?

From what I understand, a singularity implies a duality. In spiritual mathematics, 0+1=2. And so the difficulty lies in the problematic conventions of language. The easiest and most simple way to live is to have no fixated point of view. And far better yet, no point of view at all. Which is probably why Ramana Maharshi when he first started teaching, would simply sit there and stare at the questioner. Those who really got it didn't need their question answered is my guess. Because language wasn't necessary.

Ultimately, I would say the world is illusory in reality, but existence does exist. So I don't think we can actually say one thing is real and one thing is not. That is duality. In other words, it's all illusory, but the illusion does exist.

As to this question, is there a thinker. From my current understanding, I would say that thought is simply an activity of the mind. In the same way there is no one that consciously pumps their hearts intentionally. It happens naturally.
In the same way an apple tree grows apples, the brain grows thoughts in a natural way.

Believing there is a thinker behind the thought, feeler behind feelings, sensor behind sensing, is the primary illusion of self.
So as the Buddha said, thought is the thinker of thought, feeling is the feeler of feeling, etc...
I can say no, there is no thinker, but that thought is duality.
As Alan Watts stated, "We are something the entire universe is doing."

As a wise man once said, " I look inside and see that I am nothing, I look out and see I am everything."

If what we are is unborn, or non existent, then that implies we are not the universe, and that which was before it.
Non existence implies existence.
So I could also say, yes, there is a thinker, but not in the conventional way we are used to thinking about it. Rather, it is the universe that is thinking, in the same way it's "treeing" and "appleing", as a verb. And as Ramana Maharshi stated, "The world is Brahman".

Ultimately, again, there is no use trying to come to a completely true and satisfactory conclusion or correct point of view.
It's not at all complicated though to not see through a lense, it's profoundly simple.

As for how the questioner works, well honestly I have no idea to be honest.
If I were to rather rephrase the question and ask, "This seeker who asks the question. What is the nature of this experiential reality?" I would ask, "Why do we seek?", "What are we looking for?" "What do we want?"

In a spiritual context, we can see that this questioner is often very self centered. We are often asking the question because we are looking for something, or we want something. Or we also may simply be curious, among other reasons for asking a question.
Regardless, it seems to me that this questioner is always on the search for some object, or conclusion. Often due to a feeling of lack, suffering, or desire. Among probably countless other things. Possibly this is the direct result of the unconscious assumption of a separate self. And when we find ourselves in illusion, we naturally begin to inquire into the nature of reality. For some sooner rather than later.

We say questioner, as if it were a noun, but it's really actually a verb. It's once again, just simply activity of the mind.

It's rather ironic, I'm lazy and I like to keep things simple, and I'm usually completely and utterly bored and annoyed with super intellectual and heady conversation, yet it seems I have some natural capacity to complicate things to the point that things become incomprehensible. Which is really quite useful to me. Which is why I love Zen.

I really prefer not knowing anything at all. No conclusions or anything to fixate to. Just free.

I sort of wrote this nonchalantly, I just woke up, and this was quite entertaining. Thanks for the questions. The challenge sort helps get me back to non fixation and ease. So thanks for that. Seeing I'm not always completely enlightened, this is quite helpful.

Also, I really should have had a different title for the post, I was rather drunk on enlightenment at the time and thought, well, hell, I may as well try to help people, it's either that or I just sit here and, well, just die because otherwise there is no point in living anymore. Not only that, but I felt the presence of this impersonal, universal compassion quite strongly not long before I wrote the post, and a voice came to me and asked me if I would become a Bodhisattva. I vowed to become one when i was kid, and I did once again.

But, I realize I was rather conceited in thinking I was ready to be a teacher. I mean I love to share this stuff with others, and I have a natural talent for conveying this sort of stuff to people, especially in real life. And I can sort of just, talk people out of their misperceptions. It's easy when you can physically see the person. But again, I'm not well practiced, or well educated, or completely healthy. And sometimes I will indeed periodically become spiritually unconscious. I seem to be riding waves. But yea, I guess also I should mention, I really decided to come here because I wanted to be of some use to the world. I don't have a job, and I don't need money. So I just wanted to help people out.

In the same way Buddha was asked by the god compassion to teach, I too had a very similar experience. And so I just decided, hell, why not. I can survive, I don't have to, but I may as well just lend a hand.
I couldn't care less if I died today. It's sad for my friends and family, but I really am not concerned about my own death. I'm not very attached to this mind or body anymore. I just survive because it would make my friends and family sad if i died, and who knows, maybe I can help some other people on this short journey.

Anyways, I hope my reply was satisfactory to some degree
And always, may everyone be well

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Andreas18 » Thu Jun 27, 2019 10:23 am

I can take my understanding of your first question and crystallize what I wrote.
Our description of reality is not the same thing as actual reality itself. We can never make a statement that will contain all of reality and all it's nuances. Stillness Speaks, as Eckhart Tolle says.

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Andreas18 » Thu Jun 27, 2019 10:37 am

That actually totally woke me up more out of the dream state, didn't realize how subtle and transparent the veil becomes after awakening. Thanks for the questions, that actually really helped me out. Feels nice to be out of the bubble again.

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Ilona » Mon Jul 01, 2019 3:22 pm

Wonderful, thank you for sharing all of it.
There is a very subtle veil, it says “after awakening”
What does that mean in your actual experience? Is there after awakening? What is awakening? What is that awakens?

Write what you see!
Love.
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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Andreas18 » Thu Jul 04, 2019 2:52 pm

Well, I mean, we could say consciousness wakes up to itself, or out of the dream state.
We could say, we become disillusioned, we wake up out of the veil of illusion.
We could say, we realize our true self. Or we realize what we aren't.
We realize the truth, the see through the untruth.
Some might say, god waking up to itself.

I think the ways in which this happens manifests in different ways. I spoke with my friend yesterday, and he told me some stories of some very profound experiences he recently had had. Long story short, I realized, that he had had an awakening and did not even know it. And after speaking with me for some time it started to dawn on him that he was starting to wake up, he just didn't know what had happened to him. It was interesting to see the shift in his understanding, which sort of... Brightened up the light of consciousness within him.

Not so long ago I met an old friend and we sat in the forest smoking a joint. And he had a very powerful experience. He became extremely present, and could sense the life energy all around him. At the time I didn't realize what was happening, and the thing is, he has no knowledge of spirituality at all, and so he had no idea how to even comprehend it. He was trying to explain to me what he was experiencing but he just didn't have the vocabulary. When we left the forest he became unconscious again, and I began speaking with him about spirituality. But it was completely foreign to him. Even suggesting to him that there is actually no self and all is one was totally incomprehensible to him. And so the conversation went onto other subjects.

Another friend of mine studied under a guru for quite some time, and is very spiritually mature, but it seems he has not quite yet seen through the veil. He had still not woken up out of ego yet. But he has seem glimpses, and he knows enlightenment is true. Which was very interesting.

The point is, the way in which every individual experiences awakening in one form or another varies from person to person.
I sort of see it all as a destructive process. When we remove the untruth and the truth reveals itself, however that happens, the thing that is important is the dissolution or destruction of the false self or illusion. We are waking up out of the dream state. The untruth is being removed. And so often enlightenment seems to be a process that happens quite naturally and spontaneously. And manifests in different ways.

As to the question if there is after awakening. Well, what we are is not bound by time, but the human organism is. Reality is always the same, it never changes. What we are is eternal. We were never born, nor will we ever die. Coming from one perspective.
Simultaneously, there is a human organism here, and something is happening on a real physical level. Change takes time. Yet, awakening is instantaneous, and it can happen in so many infinitely different ways.
So, yes and no. It all depends on how it happens and manifests itself and what processes are necessary for complete dissolution of self and integration of the truth. Something like that.

I hope I managed to answer all your questions.

Hope you are well

Sincerely
Andreas

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Ilona » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:24 pm

Thank you for reply.
I was looking for description of your own experience. Maybe write more, but from less theoretical, more actual?
What I. Your experience means after awakening? Is there after awakening? What is that awakens?
Please zoom in on your own seeing.

Yes, it’s individual and unique, and I would like to hear about you.


Love.
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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Andreas18 » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:44 pm

Well, it really varies from time to time, I guess I'm going through what Adyashanti calls, non-abiding awakening. I've been waking up and becoming "spiritually unconscious" again periodically.

As to what this I is, I can't find it. It's just, nowhere to be found. There's a body, and lots of thoughts, there is feeling, experience, but as to what this I or self is, I have no idea to be honest. It sort of just, baffles me sometimes. I know there is no real, inherent, separate self, there is only one. We are truly empty of self. It was all a dream. Yet it seems there is a forgetting of this periodically. Or rather, a veiling. It's as if the emptiness within me becomes filled up with lots of thinking and feeling again, and before I know it I'm back to the same old miserable reality.

My experience after awakening? I think the best way for me to put it is to say what others also have said before me, nothing really changed. Everything was the same as it always was. Nothing died, there was nothing understand, nothing to realize. This is it. But this was another time I have not yet mentioned yet.
The result was that i felt a whole lot better, but it didn't last long.

The realization that, "this is it", stayed with me, but so did my depression and so on. And it seems the mind still actively tries it's damned hardest to get away from the present moment as often as it gets the chance. So it seems to me there is definitely more to see, or see through. I don't know.
I seems to me what happened is that I've had a series of realizations and moments of awakening, or satori experiences, sometimes lasting longer than others. But my experience of being completely awake to what is, often becomes veiled by thoughts, depression and suffering, and then I once again am back to the same old same old.

Honestly these past months and weeks have been quite tough, not to mention years, and I have not been living what I've realized, at all. I seem to forget what's important all to easily, and my old conditioning takes over again. My life mostly consists of great suffering, dharma and spirituality, and periodically trying to numb myself from it all with drugs and alchohol. I sometimes get to meet people, though I'm mostly locked in my apartment with nothing to do but read dharma and suffer endlessly.
I wish I could renounce everything and become a monk, seeing it's all to easy to run away from a challenging experience by method of distraction in this modern world. Though thankfully I've grown quite sick and tired of the drugs and alcohol at this point, and I feel much better off it than on, I think. Though only god knows how long that will last.
But yea, that's kind of my reality summed up. Suffering, spirituality, and getting so goddamned tired of life and especially spirituality that I just give up and drug myself into a coma, play video games to vent my frustration, or just do something to get my mind off things. Then once I've recovered I go back to the dharma and the whole cycle just repeats itself. Coming from where I am now, I feel totally lost and broken down. I honestly have nowhere to go, nothing to do, and I'm totally out of moves. If that makes sense to you.
I just feel there is nothing I can do, I'm completely powerless.

It took a bit of courage to write all that, but yea, honestly I thought it had all ended, cessation as the Buddha called it. But the past couple of months and weeks have turned out to be a complete catastrophe. My arrogance and conceitedness have been torn away, hopefully all of it. And I'm still circling through this horrific personal Samsara, day after day, lost in depression leading to suicidal thoughts, and lost in anger because of what people did to me in the past, and because of my own actions. Occasionally I finally get a breath of fresh air, as if I've been drowning. It's really all I have left in my life. And it's the only reason I haven't killed myself yet.
So that's sort of where I am now. As to what this permanent abiding state (or non-state) of awakening is, I seriously have no clue anymore. I've gone through so many countless mystical experiences, satori experiences, moments of deep realization, moments of profound awakening, liberation. I have no idea what enlightenment or awakening is anymore.

As to if there is after awakening, I honestly have no idea. The question puzzles me quite a bit actually.
Whenever I try to answer the question I sort of, just, fail. I don't actually know.

As to what it is that awakens. Honestly, if I refer to my direct experience, and not what I've been told by countless others, I have no clue. Without concepts I'm completely baffled. With concepts I end up baffling myself endlessly, and I just end up more confused. Which is great, 'cause it feels much better to be baffled, confused and to not know, than it is to "know" and suffer. But all in all. I just wish this would end. I could die at any moment and I would be totally fine with that, but my body isn't listening to me. I'm suffering so much that spirituality has completely become my entire life, and really the only reason for it is I'm afraid if I don't become enlightened in this lifetime, I'll have to live another. And I seriously do NOT want to live again. I guess you could say I'm in it to die, forever. And so I'm hoping to die before I die. That's sort of the only thing keeping me alive right now.

Also, I think the reason for me coming here, was probably simply because I was unhappy. I had finally gotten out of Samsara for some time, and so I just wanted to help others out of it too. I was still alive, so I thought I may as well do something to benefit this planet before I go, otherwise there is no point in living anymore. But it seems the person that needed a teacher was me. I've been alone on this journey my whole life, which inevitably led to blindness, arrogance and conceit, among other things.

So I guess this is my dark side I'd prefer not to talk about, seeing the ego wants to appear truly enlightened, and not be exposed for what it is.

It really sucks to be identified with the ego as it's crumbling into oblivion. Though, I'm grateful for it. It seems you see what I don't, and knowing that is really a breath of fresh air for me. It seems my ego has been in a game of "holier than thou", and I'm quite relieved that it seems to have ended now. At least I hope so.

This was quite a different answer than last time, maybe because I'm willing to be more honest and vulnerable now. And possibly because I had a horrifically profound realization this morning which totally shredded my arrogance to pieces, i hope. Not to mention your help. Conversing with someone that has eyes to see is really helpful. Thank you.

Hope you're doing well

Sincerely
Andreas

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Re: I am here, if anyone needs me. Just a guide.

Postby Ilona » Mon Jul 15, 2019 2:51 pm

Dear Andreas,
Thank you for raw honesty and spilling out your heart. I hear you. I’m here, listening. I appreciate your sharing what is really going on. And now, we can start looking. No more masks. No more hiding. But a lot of courage.

There is no after awakening.
There is attention fixated on thoughts- that’s dreaming. That’s being focused on thoughts and images that are impermanent, coming and going.

There is atention resting here and now, underneath all thoughts. Sensations, sense of presence. Here now. That’s being awake to what is. As you see there is no after. There is presence. This knowing that you are. Never changing.

Awakening in simple terms is being aware of what is happening. Is being aware of being aware. And it’s always available.

Now look, where is the suffering? Is it here now in actuality or in thoughts and images about suffering?

This video may help you to see the difference between actuality and mind movies. https://youtu.be/_w0wnR72604

With this i ask a question- is there ego? Does ego exist? Can ego die? Can it disappear?

Explore and write with whole honesty again.
There is an end to seeking. Are you ready?

Love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book


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