Could you describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for?
Can you give examples from experience?
Simple actions like walking, chewing, or the physical process of talking can sometimes seem like there is control, but they happen just as happily without focus and intent. No "control" is needed.
Actions that require more care, like carefully drawing something with fine motor control, or composing this text, can appear to need intent to happen, but that's just because there are more checkpoints along the way that require close attention. The small bits just happen, and are separated by thoughts.
Thoughts or decisions just pop up, without intent or control. Often thoughts are related to recent thoughts, which can give the illusion of a control of a continuity. An example would be deciding what to eat for lunch. The possible choices appear as thoughts, there's a mental "play acting" visualising what each option would involve, and then a winner emerges. There's no free will in the choice. There's also no free will in the choice to make a choice, which was the appearance of a desire for lunch.
This leads to:
What are you responsible for?
Me as in awareness, nothing. This is unsettling...
Last night I woke in the middle of the night and freaked out a little about this. The idea that awareness (conscious experience) has no control over what is experienced is terrifying. What if my mind/body chooses to do crazy, painful, stupid things? It seems very unfair that awareness, the only thing that is aware, has no say in what it is aware of! This isn't as emotionally direct now as in the middle of the night. I don't think I like it, but I guess there isn't a choice, and never was. Life ain't fair...
But something in me is going through this process, paying attention to how things work. What is that? Is the process of mind/brain deciding to discover it has no control?
Thank you, in confusion,