I'm noticing today how there is a compulsion to give 'myself' something to do. To be addicted to a subtle (and sometimes very unsubtle!) sense of urgency in the seeking, in the need to see through something. The need to have (construct) a self, in order to have a self to see through.
There is a different kind of spaciousness which comes through when I notice that I am trying to do this inquiry process, and I put it down and instead rest into the feeling of non-urgency and trust that the path will unfold in its own time. And yet I can't really allow that belief to permeate - I keep coming back to a need to do something; a need to be flawed in order to have something to do.
It's the same dynamic which we've discussed before. How to engage with the path when there is no path and no seeker, and yet if there is no engagement the assumptions of selfhood remain unquestioned. How much does it serve us to buy-in to the mythology that underlies my coming to LU? What if I tell myself a mythology of already-perfection and non-seperate-selfhood and rest into that storying instead?
Being a bear of little brain, I like to keep things as simple as possible, which is not to say it's simplistic. :)
So whatever the mythology about self/no-self, separation/non-separation, blah blah blah, what is comes down to is that each of us experience life - for want of a phrase - as a living persona, 'Alex', 'John'.
John does this, does that, thinks this, says that, likes this, hates that, wants to do this, avoids that - a living narrative of John, a living persona - aka, me.
If you consider your behaviours, they have a coherence to them, a regulation. What you do and eat and think on Tuesday, is not overly different from Wednesday. :) These regular ways of behaving are seen by others as you, your persona. They are seen by you, as expressions/actions of you, your persona.
Now, no one would deny that our behaviours are somewhat regular, and regulated through our upbringing.
And these behaviours have become entwined with the notion of my person/persona.
So, the assumption we carry around is that I am this person/persona. Nailed on. Most folk don't just believe this, but would swear on it.
Let's say we go, ok, so I'm not this person/persona.
There's a space there.
And we may go, what now? Or who am i then? etc.
But, looked at another way - thus far we've lived life with reference to a 'me' narrative. Once challenged, we are left living with reference to...? To what?
We have seen that our compass was a narrative compass.
This is time to have trust in life, to observe what occurs, without reference to narrative, and then with reference to narrative. "What's for breakfast?" being a useful narrative to reference.
So narrative is fine, we just happened to live through a particular self narrative, and then we don't so much.
Maybe explore...and share what shows up.