Apologies my replies are a little slow; my mind is getting very occupied/exhausted by some ongoing family issues and I don't want to reply till I can really process what you write.
A little on this before I move on - I can definitely see myself handling all this from a more acceptance/autopilot standpoint which is great, but it's still really hard to get out of negative emotions and see through them.
From your 2nd last note,
I don't think I had quite understood the meaning of this until your brilliant examples from your last note :) but I see what you mean by saying that it's not incremental.Remember it only takes one clear seeing that there is no separate self and you are free....
All the above examples, but especially the politician example just hit the nail in the head :) I just got it that it just needs to be seen once. But my question is - why am I not seeing it? Why am I only somewhat seeing it, because I was never in a phase where I somewhat believed in father Christmas.You don't believe in father xmas less do you
Why really believe the content of thought?
However it is not a real elephant! It is an idea of one, an image. Empty of elephant!
Like when you watch politicians speak. I'm sure you believed them once but now when you watch them on TV I'm sure you see right through them.
Is it because I've really not even somewhat seen it? In the sense that I only still 'saw it' from within the story of Kan? Or is it because the stories of Kan is like an onion - layers after layers have to be seen through? I guess these statements are still thought based but I'm not able to see why I can't really see.
On the other hand it does seem like I can really see it sometimes. Every now and then, only for a few moments, I can totally see everything (including 'me') operate in autopilot - it's so clear and so perfect - just existence. And it's a very different feeling. But then off it goes.