These kind of thoughts are habits that can have a lot of momentum. When Seeing begins to happen, for some people these habits can be completely broken in one go – but mostly they just dwindle over time as they are not being fuelled by a belief in a thinker. Why wouldn’t thoughts like these come up for you? You can probably assume that they will carry on for you for some time, given the regularity with they arise (although that can be a dangerous assumption! :-) ). The question is whether there can be an allowing of the sense that they are true to subside. And remember “you” have no power to make that happen. With inquiry, it becomes more likely. To misquote a Zen master: ‘Awakening is an accident. Inquiry makes accidents more likely to happen.’Wow, your description is very interesting to me! Reassuring that doubts also arise for you (however briefly) that are similar to mine.
I would counter that by saying that in YOUR ordinary life there are probably whole tracts of time when there is no sense of self. You’re just getting on with things. The problem is that “I” reclaims all those actions, via memory, when they are thought about: ‘I did that!’ Remember the word ‘ordinary’ – we’re not looking for a perpetual peak experience… Remember the LU guide who referred to the ‘utter, beautiful, visceral, down and dirty, right here and now simplicity and ordinariness of insight’. That’s the other side of the coin – the delightful knowing that for so many years I’d believed in this “me” and that I’d invested in that so much that I could never see beyond it. What a delightful joke to understand that I’d been so misled!In your ordinary life, is there mostly a sense of no-self?
I wonder if you still imagine, on some level, that awakening will be a perpetual peak experience?
Go for it! :-) See what happens! (If I don’t hear from you again I’ll know it didn’t work! :-) )I'm going to try doing the opposite of what I've been doing with you. Rather than looking to see how everything is happening selflessly, I'm going to try to emphasize selfhood. See what happens if I try to convince myself that there is an "I" in charge during ordinarily activities. I'm interested to see what happens. Make sense?
Good to hear this!By the way, I just took a walk and felt very open and spacious. Tried to watch how things arise. In spite of the fact that I've been feeling tenser than usual for the last few weeks, there was more of a sense of spaciousness.
That’s beautiful, Bob!What I'd say is that everything is just happening. That there is no self that is controlling things, experiencing things, thinking thoughts. That perceptions, thoughts, and emotions are just arising of their own accord. That there is no gradual path to self-improvement or enlightenment. That "enlightenment" is already present, only masked (most of the time) by mesmerization with the thought story.
What is it that is going to give you permission? ‘When’ might that happen?It feels very true to me when I say that! As I've mentioned there is often a feeling that "I'm" already "enlightened" and am simply waiting for permission to live from that! (As Nathan Gill described it).
All the best