My Story. Looking for a guide...

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NoKevin
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My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby NoKevin » Wed Oct 29, 2014 9:36 pm

Hi People

My name is Kevin and apparently I don't exist. I have learned a little about enlightenment over the past year and a half about. My journey of self discovery is an interesting one. Here goes.

About 9 years ago (when i was 22 years old) I was four years into a relationship with my girlfriend at the time. Being the first love of my life, I was besotted with her. Not in a good way. I used to lie about drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes because she didnt approve of that. I went as far as actually using matchsticks as chopsticks to prevent my hands of smelling like smoke while smoking topless in the parking lot of the local shopping mall to avoid being found out. I followed this girl to university, followed her abroad and dedicated every inch of my being to gaining her approval. When we were abroad she ended up becoming distant. I would try constantly to arrange to see her and she would ignore my requests. Break up with me and then want to see me. I was an utter mess. Following my fathers advice I started to not contact her and after about 2 days she would call me up and arrange to go out for dinner or something. I would then go along, we would have what I called at the time a fantastic evening, end up having sex, and then head of to our separate homes. The next day when I called her up, she would ignore me completely or dismiss me and at times even accuse me of harassing her. This followed for about 6 months abroad.

My friends would laugh at me and mock me for being so whipped and eventually one of them gave me a book to read on picking up chicks called 'The Game' by an author name Neil Strauss. 'The Game' is about a writer for some major New York newspaper who was given an assignment to do an article about an underground group of pickup artists. At first he didnt take it too seriously but this assignment lead him into an underground group of people who have mastered the art of attraction. Using prescripted lines, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, hypnosis, improving body language, faking confidence, throwing mild insults to lower a womens perceived status of herself and in some cases improving your life and becoming a better person are some of the skills this writer adopted to become the best pickup artist in the world. Now this book switched something in my brain. It triggered the 'alpha male' inside me and all of a sudden I saw my value for what it was. I no longer felt the need to contact 'girlfriend' and I started being confident in all my social situations again. After a painstaking 6 year on and off relationship I was back out there feeling on top of the world. I was successful at work. Had a better sex life. Quit drinking alcohol. My life was looking good.

Problem is this feeling led me down what I am going to term a dark path. I became obsessed with self help. I started reading every book I could find on improving myself. Body language, eye contact, speaking with authority, leadership, power and I even started to analyse things like what direction my feet are pointing, twitching, pupil dilation and the structure of my sentences to make sure that I was appearing as an attractive, non reactive, biologically desirable man for women. I came across a company called Real Social Dynamics who have come as close as one can to teaching becoming a naturally good man with women. I am not bad mouthing them at all. They have in fact given me some really amazing advice when it comes to life and they promote healthy growth as a human being. Nutrition, exercise, wealth and, you guessed it, enlightenment.

I read a book called 'The Power of Now' by Eckart Tolle. I had seen it recommended on the Real Social Dynamics forums and assumed it would be about acting straight away without procrastination as I have read in some books before. Boy was I wrong. This book twisted my mind. It was about observing the thinker and eliminating thinking completely. I was mind blown by the concepts and started meditation and put massive pressure on myself to stay outside my head. My 'ego' loved this. It would make me nonreactive to women who blew me off and would help me speak clearly without being stuck in my head. These are all very attractive qualities as they show good dominant and fearless genes that will create healthy dominant fearless children. Now my mind was fighting with itself. How can I talk without thinking? Do I just say what comes to mind to stay outside my head? I would do so and start second guessing myself every time. This came across as really low value and started to reduce my self esteem. I had all these concepts that still make sense to me (although not nearly as much as they used to) yet now I would have to have them happen naturally instead of forcefully. I was shattered. What came into my mind was often needy and approval seeking and now it would come out loud. I always got stuck for words and couldn't speak clearly anymore. People became impatient with me. Picked up on my neediness and insecurity and I was not taken seriously or looked up to anymore.

I could go more in depth but I think you get the just of it. The latest development is that I have just read Jed Mckenna's book "Spirituality: The Damnedest Thing". Now I believe I am down the rabbit hole. Consciousness exists, I dont, the world doesn't, nothing in the universe actually matters at all, my family, its all bull. This is where I'm sitting at them moment. I am finding it incredibly difficult to place no importance on my life and to grasp the concept of being something other than my body. The senses I experience are so profound. Seeing, feeling, thinking and hearing. I am having trouble grasping this fact, even though it makes sense that consciousness is all that exists and it is boundless. I am seeing and hearing and feeling every day. How do I separate the two? Destroying all that I am physically by eliminating my beliefs (as Jed Mckenna suggests) would destroy the importance of everything physical that I love.

A little more googling and searching through the Real Social Dynamics forums brought me here.

Can anyone help me?

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Fabíola
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby Fabíola » Thu Oct 30, 2014 10:39 am

Ho NoKevin!
Don't be upset. Destroying your believes will not destroy no more than that.
If you agree I can be your guide.
"When it blows the mountain wind is boisterous, but when it blows not It simply blows not." Ikkyu

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NoKevin
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby NoKevin » Thu Oct 30, 2014 10:51 am

Hi Fabiola

Thank you for responding.

Before we go any further, could you tell me a little about yourself and how you arrived at this awakened state?

Thanks.

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Fabíola
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby Fabíola » Thu Oct 30, 2014 11:06 am

Anything I would tell you could assure you if I am at an awaken state, and even if it could, that knowing would be useless to you. Myself is of no importance, the matter here is what made you came. That is what I can offer you, I can point you how to get in this discovery.
"When it blows the mountain wind is boisterous, but when it blows not It simply blows not." Ikkyu

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NoKevin
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby NoKevin » Thu Oct 30, 2014 3:04 pm

If its of no importance then sure lets go ahead. Thank you.

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Fabíola
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby Fabíola » Thu Oct 30, 2014 7:45 pm

Ok NoKevin, you're welcome. Let's start our work together!

Please confirm that you read the disclaimer:

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

There are a few guidelines to guide this dialogue.

Please respond to confirm:

1. You agree to post at least once a day.
2. In general, the guide will ask the questions for you to respond to
3. Responses require your utmost honesty
4. Responses are best from direct experience (felt senses and observed thoughts). Longwinded
analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.
5. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies and such for the remainder of this investigation.
Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily and
essential meditation practice, it is fine to continue that.
6. Please learn to use the quote function; instructions are located in the link below this line:
http://liberationunleashed.com/nation/v ... ?f=4&t=660

A few questions first:

What are your expectations for liberation?
How will this feel?
How will this change you?

kind regards
"When it blows the mountain wind is boisterous, but when it blows not It simply blows not." Ikkyu

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NoKevin
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby NoKevin » Fri Oct 31, 2014 12:47 pm

Excuse my frustration but I have just typed my response twice and my computer shut down and I lost it all.

Im not honestly certain exactly what to expect.

I expect to be clearer in my actions and more aware and alert to whats going on in the world. I expect to no longer second guess myself and be content with my actions. To be free from outcome attachment and fully enjoy the processes in my life. I expect to be more assertive and not care what people think. I notice my response is alot different to what the last two were but hey what can I do. Im frustrated after having typed for an hour and losing everything. From my understanding there will be detachment from everything in the physical world. Family, girlfriend and friends. Work and hobbies. Normal daily life activities like hygiene and gratification from reaching goals. These will all become obsolete. I expect to lose fear. To be clear minded and not be anxious.

How will this make me feel? Some of it scares me. Some is liberating. It will make me feel assertive and powerful. Like I deserve to have things and nobody can put me down. That is exciting. What is scary is the fact that I will be detached from outcomes and people in the world. From learning all this picking up chicks shit I know that assertiveness and dominance are powerful leadership skills and are what people like to follow. If that no longer matters to me then I will lose the ability to be a strong and respected character. I know this is my ego talking but what? Am i supposed to be happy being soft spoken and spoken over all the time? Dominated and put down by others? Not be able to assertively get what I have to say accross? Non attachment to outcome is also a big factor in cultivating leadership as it shows self esteem in knowing that you simply dont care what others think. That in its own right is a powerful attribute. I am really all over the place. Im trying to remember important feelings from my last 2 attempted posts but I cant. Im not even sure its a good idea to be posting now because I am pissed off and rushing it. Im scared Ill lose love for my family and loved ones and not care about them anymore. I am not sure I understand completely how I dont exist. I again explained this clearly in my last post but noow I'm rushing through. I dont exist. Yet im experiencing thinking, seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting. What is that? How can I detach from those experiences? Who am I then? Am I the one observing the experiences? Am I conciousness that is experiencing through my body? Am I the same conciousness that all other bodys are experiencing through?

How will what change me? Liberation? It will make me not care about anything physical. It will make me aware and alert. Content. Detached from everything. Lose my ego. I worry it will stop me from striving towards improving my leadership skills or any skills in the world because I wont care about that anymore.

I should probably take a break until tomorrow because I havent answered this clearly at all. My last two responses were clear and honest answers to the questions but I feel completely different now. I just wanna get this over with. I have a question. I am reading Jed Mckenna's second book. Do I stop? Is there anything I can read cos I struggle to sleep and its something I can do at night.

Let me know if you want me to answer the questions when im not so frustrated.

Thanks for the help.

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Fabíola
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby Fabíola » Fri Oct 31, 2014 6:38 pm

Hi NoKevin!

I'm sorry, I didn't told you yet that the site often does that, it logs us of and everything that we wrote is lost. For precaution one must copy the answer before submit it.

But, you know? That doesn't seem so bad at all! What happened to you here was an experience of loss, and your answer came out of it. You have doubts of not being sufficiently clear and sincere because you were frustrated and all you wanted was get this conversation over. May I call your attention to this? This was a pretty good start! It shows us how you react towards this fear of loss. You get anxious and try to avoid it leaving the scene quickly. You detach yourself for not losing and for fear of feeling detached! To know this can make you more aware and boosts your ability to fully see your reactions.

You are afraid to lose. To lose the ability to be strong and respected, to lose your ego, to lose love for your family and your loved ones. This scares you. And you are attracted to the possibility of being more aware and alert to whats going on, being content of your actions, to fully enjoy life, to lose fear and anxiety. Those are your expectations. You will see how some are needless for lacking of basis, and others are interesting liberating. You will even see how those naturally evolve in a truly unsuspected way.

For example, will liberation make you not care about anything more, detached from everything? is detachment the same thing as no attachment? How can you lose what you never had? Your ego! :) But it is too soon to speak like that, the path is made as we walk. Or, 'I don't exist' you say. Really? If you walked into a wall, your body would bump against it and you will feel pain. No doubt you exist. To see there is no self will not make you lose nothing, it simply will make you see clearly into the ever changing nature of things, will stop find your life barred. You don't need to answer the above questions, stay with them, you would find the answer when it is time.

To answer your question about reading spiritual books, it is not a great idea by now. It can interfere in the clarity of our conversation. Why don't you read another kind of books? Perhaps poetry, romance, technical books? I'm sure that there must be some which can interest you. This question was addressed in my last comment. Please, make sure you read the rules guiding our investigation.

i would like you to answer this:

- What does 'I' point to? Here and now.

- What makes you feel that it is possible to control life?

- If I say, "there is no 'you'" - What comes up?

Kind regards
"When it blows the mountain wind is boisterous, but when it blows not It simply blows not." Ikkyu

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NoKevin
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby NoKevin » Sat Nov 01, 2014 10:41 pm

I am terrified to lose. That is probably the biggest fear I have. I'm glad you pointed that out to me because I've never given it much thought. When I lose or get rejected my instant reaction is to detach myself.

What do you mean by lacking of basis?

I dug a little deeper into the difference between non attachment and detachment. Does liberation make one non attached but not detached?

I will stop reading Jed Mckenna's book. I was asking because I am already half way through. I did read the guidelines and will find something else to read.

The I points to the observer of what is going on around me. I know that is short and simple but I cant really think of anything else. That's what I feel. My understanding from reading is a little different I must add.

What makes me feel that it is possible to control life? That is a difficult question. I can control the actions I take to influence what happens in life. I wouldnt say that I can control life but I can have an influence on whats going on in life by making certain decisions. I certainly believe that actions can have an influence in the universe.

There is no me? Personally I think that there is an underlying consciousness that is observing the senses that my body experiences. My body is not me, I am the underlying consciousness that is and I'm experiencing the world through my body.

I know that I'm supposed top answer these questions from my personal point of view but I have read some things that have confused me a little. I would like to ask about the physical senses I experience. They are really strong and by there being no 'me' then, once I see the truth, will these experiences become a smaller part of my awareness?

I would like to bring something to your attention that is concerning me. Since I started reading Jed Mckenna's books I feel I have become somewhat detached from things. I am not making much effort to enjoy time with my girlfriend or enjoy my activities. I am stuck in my head alot thinking about the realizations I've come to and I dont seem to care much. I can sense a part of me that does care but a part that doesnt. I dont like not enjoying myself in the physical world. But I feel like I'm detached from it and like its less enjoyable. Is this something common?

I feel very selfish speaking to you. Like I'm all that matters and I'm just rambling on about my own concerns constantly. Please understand that I appreciate your help loads and being selfish is not my intention.

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Fabíola
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby Fabíola » Sun Nov 02, 2014 1:04 am

Hi Kevin!
I am terrified to lose. That is probably the biggest fear I have. I'm glad you pointed that out to me because I've never given it much thought. When I lose or get rejected my instant reaction is to detach myself.
Yes, it was exactly what you did here. It seems to be a non effective kind of protection that fear, because you end up at the very state you get away for fear: detached! And... all that is detachment! You believe you are detaching yourself for not feeling detached by circumstances, but what can be seen is that detachment happens. Are you sure that 'you' re really doing something in that, so to call, behavioral pattern? I think this question made you feel an anguish in your guts, the anguish of being not capable to control your actions. Was it not? But it is precisely what happens, you being anxious about it doesn't mean what you always believed (that what would be desirable is to improve your skills for being a dominant male), it means that, somehow, you already know that trying to control is something which doesn't function. So you are afraid every time you persist trying it again! Then, why not give some attention to that knowing? Why in the hell does that belief persist? :) You know why? i can tell you. Because you are wrongly persuaded that there are such a thing as a separate self, which his in control, which can be write or wrong.

Is that such a thing? Look! Are you in control of what you are feeling right now? Can you chose your thoughts? Your outcomes?

Relax. There's nothing to fear! What have been making your live a mess is not the lack of control, it is the belief in a controller.

So, please, take another look to the question above: Can you control what you are feeling right now? Can you chose your thoughts? Look!
What do you mean by lacking of basis?
I mean that you will see how the fearful expectations you have (yes, they are not all awful! :), the fearful expectations can never happen because they are based in wrong beliefs.
I dug a little deeper into the difference between non attachment and detachment. Does liberation make one non attached but not detached?
We can say for now that this is much more close to what happens.
I will stop reading Jed Mckenna's book. I was asking because I am already half way through. I did read the guidelines and will find something else to read.
Well done! It makes things much more clear and easy.
The I points to the observer of what is going on around me. I know that is short and simple but I cant really think of anything else. That's what I feel. My understanding from reading is a little different I must add.

An observer. An observer (yourself) apart from the things observed. Let's see if that is true. Remember what we had talk, you (the opposed observer, whose biggest terror is being detached) are different from the things observed (you ending up being detached).


Aren't those situations (the things observed) absolutely equal? Do you find there any differences? There are not.
I wouldnt say that I can control life but I can have an influence on whats going on in life by making certain decisions.
Are you not yet beginning to doubt that assertion? See how your 'decisions' (supposed to happened by your free will) are conditioned by your beliefs. Influences real occur, but they do not come from personal, separate actions, they are as a dance, nothing is separate, things occured from one another, no separation at all.

(I must take a little break now. i will continue in another comment).
"When it blows the mountain wind is boisterous, but when it blows not It simply blows not." Ikkyu

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Fabíola
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby Fabíola » Sun Nov 02, 2014 6:29 am

There is no me? Personally I think that there is an underlying consciousness that is observing the senses that my body experiences. My body is not me, I am the underlying consciousness that is and I'm experiencing the world through my body.
Is there an I which is the owner of a body?
I know that I'm supposed top answer these questions from my personal point of view but I have read some things that have confused me a little. I would like to ask about the physical senses I experience. They are really strong and by there being no 'me' then, once I see the truth, will these experiences become a smaller part of my awareness?


I feel that you are trying to 'get it' before you have seen. All those questions are made out of fear. I must ask you now to put your expectations aside and look without trying to grasp this sort of 'second hand knowledge' from my answers.
I would like to bring something to your attention that is concerning me. Since I started reading Jed Mckenna's books I feel I have become somewhat detached from things. I am not making much effort to enjoy time with my girlfriend or enjoy my activities. I am stuck in my head alot thinking about the realizations I've come to and I dont seem to care much. I can sense a part of me that does care but a part that doesnt. I dont like not enjoying myself in the physical world. But I feel like I'm detached from it and like its less enjoyable. Is this something common?


See? Another question trying to calm fear. Books would not take your place and see instead of you.
I feel very selfish speaking to you. Like I'm all that matters
Let's do some exercises to see if that 'I' is really there, if it is something that exists.

a) Go for a short walk in some peaceful place. A walk in nature will be fine.
b) I ask you to notice attentively every movement of the body, every sensation, every feeling, every thought arising.
c) Is there somebody in control? Or do thoughts just occur... movements occur... feelings... sensations...?
d) Did you found an I chosing, deciding, what next sensation will happen? What wold be the next fear arising? The next movement happening?
d) Report in detail what's happened.

NOTE: Please, report from direct experience and not by mental speculation, books or concerns.

Kind regards
"When it blows the mountain wind is boisterous, but when it blows not It simply blows not." Ikkyu

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NoKevin
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby NoKevin » Sun Nov 02, 2014 11:55 am

Wow okay this is quite a scary thing to think about. I will do as you say and go for a walk and report my findings. One thing that comes to mind is that I look outside and see a bird on the lawn. I cannot control when the bird flies away. I can control when I go brush my teeth or have a shower. I dont understand how there can be no seperate self when seeing comes from these eyes in my head. I cant see my own eyes. All the sensations I experience are experienced from my body.

If I may say this is what I believed to be true until my conversations with you: The world exists in unity. There is only one consciousness that experiences everything. That conciousness is who 'is' and its the same conciousness that everybody experiences. The only difference is that I can only experience it as this body so, while i'm alive, I will not be able to experience it as other bodies as their senses are percieved in their body. Hope this makes sense to you.

I will respond in more detail later.

Thank you.

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Fabíola
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby Fabíola » Sun Nov 02, 2014 4:13 pm

Hi Kevin!
One thing that comes to mind is that I look outside and see a bird on the lawn.
Exactly! You just stated a brief and clear report of how things happen without controller: Things come to mind!

No doubt, that is how thoughts arise, they come to mind, they come and go, they are not chosen.

If they could be chosen, would you chose to have such stressful thoughts? I bet you would not. Does that mean that distressful and painful thoughts are kind of a fatality and could not change? No, it doesn't. How, you will see.

There is no chooser.
I cannot control when the bird flies away.
yes, you can't. There's no controller.

How do you notice the bird flies away? Did you chose to notice him flying away? Have there been a controller deciding "now, I'm going to notice the bird flying away", or did that perception simply occur with the thought "the bird is flying away"?
I can control when I go brush my teeth or have a shower.
Apparently.

Pay attention how the acts of brushing teeth and having a shower occur. Maybe you finish dinner and go to the bathroom with this thought coming up "I'm gonna brush my teeth". Or you wake up by morning and, yet in bed a thought comes up "I must get out and take a shower". Even if you start grumbling "oh no! time to wake up! I'm gonna stay in bed 10 minutes more!" Was that a separate powerful entity who decided it? Had you several thoughts at your disposal and you decided "I chose this one"?

Notice how things happen. pay attention to what is happening in the moment. Thoughts arise... movements... sensations... feelings... All of them arising without a separate controller deciding which will be the next.

There is no controller.

When the belief in a controller is present, it is also present a great amount of tension, responsibility and fear.
All the sensations I experience are experienced from my body.
In direct experience is there an ')' experiencing experiences? Observe... See experiences happening...

There's no experiencer.
this is what I believed to be true until my conversations with you: The world exists in unity. There is only one consciousness that experiences everything. That conciousness is who 'is' and its the same conciousness that everybody experiences. The only difference is that I can only experience it as this body so, while i'm alive, I will not be able to experience it as other bodies as their senses are perceived in their body.
There is here a glimpse into the illusion of a separate self, but also mixed an extended confusion.

In yout direct experience what is that consciousness, how did it manifests? Look!

Wishing you a nice sunday,

I comeback later.
"When it blows the mountain wind is boisterous, but when it blows not It simply blows not." Ikkyu

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NoKevin
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby NoKevin » Sun Nov 02, 2014 7:38 pm

Shit!!! Okay I cant control my thoughts. But I can make decisions based on the thoughts that arise. This is messing with my mind alot. And it feels kinda good and relieving. Where do life decisions come from then? Something important to me in the past was gymming. Will the 'self' that doesnt exist just go to gym if thats what happens? Do I possess no control over any actions that this body does?

Consciousness is experience. Which is happening in the present moment. Wow!!! Okay so wait now. Does my body have nothing to do with consciousness? Why can I see things through my eyes? When I take all those sense perceptions away what is left? I wont be able to see or hear or taste or smell or feel or think. That is left? Nothing? Or consciousness?

The thought of having no control over what I do is a big and scary one.

Is making decisions based on thoughts that arise possible? I feel that it is. If the thought to brush my teeths comes up, I have the ability to choose whether to do it or not.

There is no I experiencing experiences. That makes sense to me. Experiences just happen. Wait now my mind is changing again. There is this body experiencing experiences. And I notice them. Again smell, taste, sight, thought, feeling. When I walk into a wall I feel it. When you say there is no separate self do you mean I am indistinguishable from everything else? A rock, a tree, another person? What makes me feel separate is those senses I keep speaking about.

Best of Sundays to you too.

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Fabíola
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Re: My Story. Looking for a guide...

Postby Fabíola » Sun Nov 02, 2014 10:34 pm

Shit!!! Okay I cant control my thoughts.
Yes! That's a first setp! :)
But I can make decisions based on the thoughts that arise.
Nope! It appears you can, but it's just an illusion.

I show you an example:

This morning a thought arises saying "I must have a shower". Then, another thought comes saying "Or maybe not. I can stay in bad 10 minutes more, It's not late!", next a movement of the arm turns of the clock alarm, then the eyes shut and thought starts rambling. - (...)

Near 8 p.m. you are answering in the forum. - seeing the questions happens, thoughts emerge connected to memories... to other thoughts... feelings... sensations...; it comes up a thought saying "This very morning I chose not to get up so soon", next another thought saying " So that means I can make decisions based on the thoughts that arise!"

But... Did you saw any 'I' between the bundle of thoughts, feelings, sensations? Or was it just another thought saying that an 'I' must have been the chooser?
This is messing with my mind alot. And it feels kinda good and relieving.
Yes, it is! So much energy wasted believing that a 'chooser', a 'controller', exists! Energy which isn't appearing in relaxed, unoccupied flow of creation.
Something important to me in the past was gymming. Will the 'self' that doesnt exist just go to gym if thats what happens?
Is it not? Can it be seen a self doing it?
Do I possess no control over any actions that this body does?
Do 'you' exist?

I must call your attention here. This question doesn't mean that you do not exist, that you are nothing at all. We need to use those words, as I did right now ('you', for example) for purpose of communication. So, Kevin exists, but who, or what is Kevin? Is he a separate self, a chooser making decisions, a doer of deeds, a thinker of thoughts, an experiencer of experiences, or is that stuff all going on by itself, with no doer, no owner, nothing in control?

Can you guess what is 'Kevin'? His story, his anguish, his pain, his efforts...? Try it! :)

Consciousness is experience. Which is happening in the present moment.
Things always appear in the 'present moment'. Can you find a past or a future outside your thoughts?
Does my body have nothing to do with consciousness? Why can I see things through my eyes?
'Your' body? :)

Can 'you' see things through 'your' eyes, or are there just seeing happening?
I take all those sense perceptions away what is left? I wont be able to see or hear or taste or smell or feel or think. That is left? Nothing? Or consciousness?
It happens the thought: "I take all those sense perceptions away what is left? I wont be able to see or hear or taste or smell or feel or think. That is left? Nothing? Or consciousness?" Is it not? :)
The thought of having no control over what I do is a big and scary one.
Because there is still thinking that an 'I' a 'controller', must exist and that you are missing it, trying to have it, making all your efforts for mastering 'it'!! Oh! What a distressful and tiring thing! :) :) :)
Is making decisions based on thoughts that arise possible?
'Decisions' is a concept to conveying a meaning to chains of thoughts, feelings, sensations, perceptions, actions...
There is no I experiencing experiences. That makes sense to me. Experiences just happen.
Yeap!
There is this body experiencing experiences. And I notice them. Again smell, taste, sight, thought, feeling. When I walk into a wall I feel it. When you say there is no separate self do you mean I am indistinguishable from everything else? A rock, a tree, another person? What makes me feel separate is those senses I keep speaking about.
Are you a rock? You must be very heavy! :) Are you indistinguishable from a tree? Do you have foliage? :) Of course there is uniqueness, you are not a tree, nor a rock, nor your neigh board... Live manifests in phenomena. The senses you keep speaking about can help us to open and walk through the gateless gate!

Till tomorrow!
"When it blows the mountain wind is boisterous, but when it blows not It simply blows not." Ikkyu


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