Here we are...
1) Is there a 'me' or 'you' or 'I' , at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? Will there ever be?
No, there is no 'me', 'I' or 'you' at all, anywhere. There never was nor will there ever be. What is... is awareness, peace, love, stillness, oneness. Within this container, life flows, sensation and feeling occur, thoughts stream, experience happens.
1.5) When you say "I", what in Experience are you referring to?
"I" is referring to sensation, feeling, thought and experience that happens within awareness.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
"I" is a label used to describe an artificial construct; what is created when mind habitually hones in on any particular sensation, feeling, event, thought... and says "mine!" "I" is the illusion that there is a separate entity; separate from all of life, and this "I" is controlling everything that happens. This "I" is special, in greater or lesser ways than other "I's" and its story is all important to defining who or what the "I" is about.
3) How does it FEEL to see this? describe in detail.
There is ease and peace. Upon deconstructing thoughts/experiences, there was an ability to see the story of "me" and "my life"... and to know that I am not that.
There is this love that was not known before. Without the filters of thought and "me", there is an ability to see that the "other" and "I" are one... and all is love/loved. It feels pure, unpolluted by thought and identification. There is a joyful feeling of freedom in life now - this is it - and this brings lightness, as there is no more seeking.
4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.
It would be described as a "stripping away & coming home". Stripping away of the thoughts and self-identification that keep us being at home, as awareness.
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?
The prompt to LOOK DEEPLY and giving myself generous time to do that and the practice exercises, was fundamental, as well as the following quote:
"You have some assumption that Awakening from separation will make you a zombie... Drop any assumptions. Your process will be unique. Some may seek more alone time, but this is not a lack of compassion. Others feel more "close" to others because there is NO separation, because their relationship to others is not filtered through a story. Others feel compassion because they are only ever dealing with themselves... What "others"?"
The tipping point occurred during a bath during which there was silent contemplation and relaxation. It all suddenly became clear through a process involving thought deconstruction and experimentation with body sensations being held within the container of awareness. Unclaimed pain (pain happening to no one) for example, was felt less intensely if at all. I also looked deeply at the love that "I" feel for my partner and through deconstruction; through the stripping away of layers of thought and self-identification, there was a peaceful presence of pure love.
6) describe the difference before seeing, at the moment of seeing, and after seeing? describe the key difference?
Before seeing, there was fear, confusion and seeking.
At the moment of seeing, there was peace, love, and an immediate sense of relief or lightness.
After seeing, still peace, love, joy, and an ease or freedom of being - of liberation from thoughts and their construction of a "me". There is no more taking "myself" so seriously. :)
7) in what ways has thing changed your life? what impact will this have on your life?
There has been an immediate sense of joy arising and staying with me. There is a peace in knowing oneness, seeing through the illusion of a separate self, and being able to deconstruct thought experiences. Who knows what this ease and non-attachment will bring? Currently, it brings a lightness of being. Nothing is taken quite so seriously, and life itself is trusted to unfold as it will. No expectations.
8) what if i told you LU was a persuasion cult and we have just got you to believe that "there is no self". How would you respond?
Ha! That's funny, because there was a thought like this early on, at registration. It was about seeing the LU process as just another mode for seeking, and perhaps the wrong path for "me".
However, I have looked deeply underneath the layer of "self" and witnessed no one there; only awareness. That knowing will not change, no matter what is said or by whom. Even if it were a cult, who cares?
9) do you have any comments about my guiding, what you feel was effective, and what was not so effective, and why?
Your guiding was effective. I appreciated the clear instructions from the outset, the reminders, practice exercises and pointing. Also, there was a sense of trust within the space created for the process to unfold.