Trackless Bird

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Periwinkle
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat May 20, 2017 2:59 am

Trackless Bird

Postby Periwinkle » Sat May 20, 2017 3:02 am

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That the “I” which I think I am is a mental construct, my mind grasping at an independent, permanent identity which demands my constant maintenance and reinforcement for its continued presence, as well as causing a host of problems for myself and others. I find it prevents my being fully present, loving and available.

What are you looking for at LU?
In January I had an unexpected and blissful experience of freedom from “me” which lasted for about a day and came after a brief experiment with self inquiry. It upended what I thought I knew about enlightenment, and opened the door to new understandings. Since then, I have been desperately focused upon returning to that place. Lifelong pursuits have fallen away and it’s all I can think about.

I get that the bliss aspect was probably just the contrast with my previous mental state and will not last. But I’m not looking for bliss, just relief. The world seems different to me now, so something has definitely shifted, but I’m not there yet.

It would be great to get some help from someone who understands what I experienced and who could help me focus on the steps I can take to cultivate that seeing again.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I don’t know what to expect, I’m open. What I want is to return to the freedom I experienced, so anything to help me lean in that direction will be welcome. After 40+ years of seeking I've lowered my expectations yet at the same time am hopeful.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I’m 62 and have been in seeker mode since I was 20. I’ve spent a good deal of time with a half dozen awakened people from various traditions, mostly Vedanta and Tibetan Buddhism, the most significant being 17 years with a Buddhist master. Since he passed away I’ve been “in the wilderness.” Then a few months ago, I began to ask the Universe for help and was led to self inquiry through a number of different people on YouTube. Something clicked and I had the experience described above.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

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