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by xyzzy
Sun Jun 03, 2012 3:13 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

Thanks for the advice on that. I think I would have to wait until thoughts like that come up to do that, though, rather than go looking for them and then try to do that. So, I'll see how that goes in time.
by xyzzy
Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:20 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

The thoughts are, I don't want this, I want this to be different. Are these thoughts true? What if they are not true, but belief in them gives them power to shape the experience. What if you wouldn’t believe any word of it and would say “yes” to this experience, to the reality of here and now? Why ...
by xyzzy
Sat Jun 02, 2012 7:54 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

Can you elaborate more on this? If this is answer from intellectual knowing (what is expected, heard about, sounds logical...) and not from direct experience, than it doesn't belong to honest answering. As I mentioned earlier in this thread, when I was 16, I had a realization that "nothing matters"...
by xyzzy
Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:05 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

How is your experience right now? Is it ok? Everything is ok, and it is not possible for anything to not be ok. This is not what I feel, though. When you ask the question, what comes up are feelings of sadness, emotional pain. It feels like life is not as it should be. Life is either negative or ne...
by xyzzy
Sat Jun 02, 2012 7:24 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

Could you describe what is separate self and how that illusion manifests before and after seeing it? It's the belief that there is something at the center of everything which can control things such as the body and the thoughts, and which is the source of experience. It would be difficult for me to...
by xyzzy
Fri Jun 01, 2012 5:42 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

You overall story sounds familiar to me and, as I see it, it could fit into gnostic explanations of humans’ destiny and in some other western spirituality content; where there are described various phases of the transformation of human being…. You may check it for yourself, see if it resonates and ...
by xyzzy
Fri Jun 01, 2012 5:06 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

So it was always like that? No special cause, nothing suppressed, not processed? It was much worse when I was younger. I was extremely emotionally disconnected as a child and teenager, I didn't feel much of any normal human emotions. I didn't love my parents or anyone in my family, I was unable to ...
by xyzzy
Thu May 31, 2012 5:57 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

What would need to change right now for this moment to become more enjoyable? I have no idea. I don't ever feel good, I have never experienced "joy", whatever exactly that is. Probably the only time I feel good is if I drink alcohol, but this obviously is no solution to happiness in life and I rare...
by xyzzy
Thu May 31, 2012 5:58 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

Hm, something doesn't fit here. If it can't do anything and nothing is behind, why bother about it anyway? I'm not bothered by the experience of there being a "me". This website puts forward the idea that being without this experience is liberating in some way, so I'm curious as to whether it's pos...
by xyzzy
Wed May 30, 2012 7:12 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

Can you look for that feeling of „I“? What lies behind, what it hides? Can it do anything? I guess I can't really find a feeling of "I", it's more of a knowing. Somehow I know that I am at the center of everything, surrounded by stuff that isn't me. Trying to look at this doesn't seem to get me any...
by xyzzy
Tue May 29, 2012 8:45 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

Right now is there gap between you and life? If haven't so far actually might be ok to read some treads here. Regards. There is no gap between me and life, but it feels like there is. It feels like there's an I which is disconnected from most everything. The thoughts and feelings feel like mine, bu...
by xyzzy
Tue May 29, 2012 7:46 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

Are there some beliefs and expectations that might stand in a way now to experience more deeply that there is no you in charge, no gap between you and life? I've been thinking about this, and the answer is.... I don't know. I don't know what it would be like to experience that there is no me in cha...
by xyzzy
Tue May 29, 2012 10:11 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

Was there some remarkable, even it might have been subtle, change first time you've seen it? No. Maybe this is because many of the implications of this are things which I already knew or suspected. I had known for a long time that all things are ok, that it isn't possible for anything to be wrong, ...
by xyzzy
Tue May 29, 2012 9:13 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

Could you describe what is illusion of separate self and how it starts and manifests in life? It is the belief and feeling that there is an invisible something at the center of everything which controls the body and the thoughts and which is the source of awareness. I don't know how it starts. I al...
by xyzzy
Tue May 29, 2012 6:07 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?
Replies: 78
Views: 4244

Re: Anything more than intellectual understanding of this?

I work a lot on certain days of the week (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday), and so I tend to be too busy to notice much of anything then. Several days ago I was noticing that there seemed to be a shift in the way I was experiencing unpleasant feelings regarding my life. So, I've been watching to see wh...

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