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by Jillian1
Sat Jan 30, 2016 5:08 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

Good morning John. I'm assuming it is morning for you? Thank you for the explanation. I think I understand most of what you wrote. Your perception, here and now, includes - within it - a palpable perception of you. Yes! I experience this palpable perception acutely. Yet I can't place where or how it...
by Jillian1
Sat Jan 30, 2016 12:31 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

Hi John, Thank you for the exercise. I'm very familiar with the impersonal witness. I have a daily formal sitting practice of 1-4 hours and hatha/pranayama practice of 2-3 hours. On top of this I try to keep an observational technique going 24/7. Recently I've been receiving a lot of encouragement t...
by Jillian1
Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:03 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

See whatever heaviness is here, and don't push it away. After rereading my last post I thought there must be something that I was avoiding. So I went to bed and I waited and waited and went through every story, sensation, and emotion I could think of. I kept thinking I must be avoiding something, p...
by Jillian1
Fri Jan 29, 2016 5:26 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

Again, sit with and absorb as and when. See whatever heaviness is here, and don't push it away. All is welcome to the party. Life is ever-inclusive. All is welcome. Share when it comes. The heaviness that is here definitely has to do with sex, desire, and childhood traumas. It has to do with the ne...
by Jillian1
Fri Jan 29, 2016 2:59 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

North Wales! And we are talking about the UK right? Not Pennsylvania? Now I have a cyber crush based simply on a name, location, and a few posts you made in response to my churnings, yearnings, and flurries of...I don't know what.....I'm not even going to go near your blog! I want to keep this about...
by Jillian1
Fri Jan 29, 2016 2:10 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

Yes!..."a good axis" This made me smile and compelled me to look up the word axis (even though I thought I already knew what it meant). The first definition I got was "an imaginary line about which a body rotates"...Wow, hehehe, I'm feeling it!
by Jillian1
Fri Jan 29, 2016 2:00 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

Hawaii
by Jillian1
Fri Jan 29, 2016 1:53 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

And again! Hehehe. It's actually early where I am, but sweet dreams to you dear one.
by Jillian1
Fri Jan 29, 2016 1:51 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

Ah, it happened again! I see, we are now on page 2.

Thanks for appreciating me.

Until soon....
by Jillian1
Fri Jan 29, 2016 1:48 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

Hi John, I just received your post after I posted my last post. Strange. Anyway that last post wasn't in response to your last post as it appears to be. I love what you wrote and I'm going to go sit with it now and see what comes.

Thank you.
by Jillian1
Fri Jan 29, 2016 1:42 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

HOW I SEE MYSELF I see myself as beautiful, courageous, and talented, but also as someone who truly doesn't get it, someone who can't see herself because she's so busy judging and comparing. I see myself as someone who's fallen, fallen in many ways. Fallen toward old age, fallen in love with herself...
by Jillian1
Thu Jan 28, 2016 11:48 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

Well, I just got back from a walk and poured myself out in that last post. I see now that I didn't follow your instructions. I like your instructions and I will attempt to follow them as soon as I can get back to the computer.
by Jillian1
Thu Jan 28, 2016 11:45 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

I am a girl who hates herself. I'm full of postures, none of which are real. On my last Ayahuasca journey a part of my consciousness was yelling at me--you are a fraud! I said "yes, yes, I am a fraud. I can see that. I love that too. Tell me more, and kept sitting in my meditation pose. But the pose...
by Jillian1
Thu Jan 28, 2016 8:42 pm
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

I love what you wrote here. It all resonated deeply with me. Thank you. As regards not existing, we need to be very clear about this - because the pain of seeking tends to lead us to escapism, and running away from ourselves into some nether world of awareness LOL - anything but life :D Yes! I see h...
by Jillian1
Thu Jan 28, 2016 9:20 am
Forum: ARCHIVES
Topic: Desperate to see! Can you help me?
Replies: 82
Views: 8442

Re: Desperate to see! Can you help me?

Hi John, As I sat down to meditate a phrase kept repeating itself: "Dear John, please release me from this abyss of longing." I'm witnessing myself compulsively seeking liberation like an alcoholic (in the full throws of addiction) seeks a drink. Perhaps this whole thing is coming to a head? In toni...

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